St Ignatius of Loyola notes that sin is unwillingness to trust that what God wants is our deepest happiness. Until I am absolutely convinced of this I will do everything I can to keep my hands on the controls of my life, because I think I know better than God what I need for my fulfillment.
David Benner
Wow….that says a lot to me. Unfortunately, it’s true. Anytime I can think of where I have ‘done it my way’, it is because I don’t fully trust God to do it ‘right.’ Of course I will give him lip service….I’ll say I trust him but one needs look no further than my latest manipulation of things to see that I doubt. I don’t doubt his ability to do it…just that he would do it for me….or that he will do in time (that would be my timetable of course!).
I may seem like I am being hard on myself. And, I have seen improvements. But I know the depth of shadows in my heart. I know what I am capable of. I know that it is only because of God’s intervention in my life that I am able to yield to him and slowly learn to trust.
This trust is something I want to know deep down in my soul…not just in my head. I want to trust him with everything, not just the things that are easy or convenient. Thankfully, God is very patient with me and knows that I want to trust completely in him.
Where are you in your journey of trusting God? Are you like me, taking things into your own hands when you think he won’t come through for you or you think he is not working fast enough? I invite you to assess your level of trust with God and consider, if, like me, you may want to be more aware of how much he loves you, how much he wants your deepest happiness and then allow him to have more and more of the control.
Grace and Peace,
Deb
1 comments:
Control is so hard for me to let go of. Even when I do, I find that those old habits creep back in so easily. I often become impatient with myself as I realize how much I continue to try to do on my own instead of giving it fully over to God. I realize that it stems from being on my own at a very young age, but I am so thankful that God is patient. I'm coming to learn that I am dealing with this in layers. As I grow and hopefully mature, God is shining a new light on some of dark places of my past. Asking me to deal with them and give them over to Him in a new way. I get so easily frustrated with myself when I fall into the control trap, but God desires to use this for His good... to bring me closer to Him in understanding that my ways are not His. It's definately a struggle to hand over the control some days. Usually, it is when I begin to feel weighed down by the pressures of each day that I realize how tightly I am grasping at control. Then, I have the choice to try to continue on that path or turn it all over to Him. So often I try to go a little further with the weight or I try to just give pieces of the situations over. Other times the light truly goes on and I am lead to hand over all areas of control in order to receive God's love and grace to the fullest. I am so thankful that God cares about all the details of my life. So much so that He wants to take care of each and every area. I continue to pray for His truth to really permeate through my head and heart and that one day control won't be something I try to hold onto so tightly.
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