i could leap over the sky
and float through the stars
if only i weren’t weighed down
with this thing called regret.
Steven James
Regret. I don’t like the way regret feels. For me, it feels like a load I am carrying. I just want it to go away. It’s like when I get a splinter. I chastise myself for whatever it is that I was doing when I got the splinter, hoping to avoid that situation ever again. Then, I need to deal with the splinter. I would like to ignore it but they just won’t be ignored. Every time you use the affected body part, Mr. Splinter reminds you he is still there. I hate splinters. I also hate the process of getting it out. It’s always a blessing when the splinter is sticking out, easily seen and simply grasped by the tweezers. But, at least for me, I usually don’t get those types of splinters…I get the ones that are invisible. You can’t see them…you can only find them by touching the area again and again. How are you supposed to pull it out if you can’t even see it? That’s where the needle comes in. I hate needles. I know you are not surprised by that fact.
My husband will take a needle and start digging, as if he has no nerve endings. I, on the other hand, have very well developed nerve endings and needles hurt. It just doesn’t make sense to me. You have a sharp object lodged in your extremity and …let’s see…how about we use another sharp object to dig around and find it! Yeah, that sounds like a good idea. I hate splinters. But I cannot tell you the relief I feel when it is finally out. It is like that limb is born again.
For some reason, I am making a connection between splinters and regret. When I am feeling regret, I think about the situation that led to me feeling that way and try to figure out how I can avoid that situation again. I don’t like the way it feels. But, usually, I need to carry it around awhile. I go about my life and then I remember it and I feel it again. Like a splinter, I need to work it out….make apologies, change behavior, etc. Guess those are the needles. Then it passes and life feels right again.
I hate splinters and I hate feeling regret.
But…I’m going to love heaven. I’ll love heaven ’cause I am pretty sure there are no splinters there and no regret. Yeah – I’ll love heaven.
Hope yours is a day with no splinters and no regret.
Peace,
Deb
2 comments:
Regret/splinters....what a wonderful analagy. It amazes me still how God teaches me. Maybe not so much the lesson, but how. For the last several years, God has been showing me my "splinters" (I used to call them defects of character, I like splinters better, its softer!) Its not that I didnt know they were there, I felt them when the affected area was pushed on, but often let them be, until they became infected, swollen and really really sore. Then, would get out the needle and start digging. After a great amount of pain, the splinter would be removed and anticeptic would be placed on the wound. Its like that, with my deep life issues...Gods healing anticeptic is the cure. There are other times, when I see the splinter, run quickly to get the tweesers, get to work at pulling on the part that is exposed, and in my haste, break off the peice that I can see, leaving the balk of the problem, still imbedded. Im starting to understand, that God is showing me this peice, so I can carefully, but with diligence and time, pull out the splinter. He doesnt show these to me so I can quickly get to work to get rid of the problem, He wants me to learn a lesson in the process, so that hopefully, the next time I get a splinter, I can handle it...the way He wants me to. My friend and previous growth group member, Gloria, passed away last week. I am dealing with the splinter of regret as it relates to what kind of friend I was to her. Forgiveness will be my anticeptic.
Dear Deb,
I read your entry this morning and have been letting it just "sit" all day.First, I am sorry and I love you. Second,mistakes are great, they are how we learn. We choose how we are going to react to them. To me removing a splinter is an active decision to change a situation. Perhaps letting go of regret and moving into healing and forgiveness. Unlike ignoring it dragging a huge boulder of guilt along behind you. Just like poking yourself with a needle over and over, changing yourself is a painful process of excavating a more Christlike you. One of the hardest things for me to do is forgive myself, which is rather presumptuous. Because if God can forgive me immediately then why am I making myself more important than Him by not giving myself the grace He has already freely and lovingly bestowed on me. May you feel His peace.
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