“Holiness, not happiness, is the chief end of man. “Oswald Chambers
This quote is directly opposed to what the culture has taught me. I grew up thinking that God wanted me to be happy. And…it wasn’t just the culture but the church as well. Several churches I had been involved in the past reinforced this. If I was ‘doing’ all the right things…going to church, praying, living right…my life would be good and I would be happy. I would have enough money, good health, and my children would be model citizens….
I have talked to so many people who are struggling through difficult times and they ask, “What am I doing wrong?” They are looking for the right formula, as if they can control God by doing certain things and viola, achieve happiness.
If right behavior and doing good things for God made our lives happy and easy, then how do we explain Paul’s life? He was always in some sort of trouble; shipwrecks, beatings, prison, etc. His life should be an example to me that living a life pleasing to God doesn’t mean I will always be happy.
Working to be happy seems easy enough, but to be holy? The bar has been raised. I think God knows that happiness will make me complacent and soft. But in pursuing holiness I need to look deeply at my heart and notice all those things within me that are not holy. I then need to abandon them to God and ask Him to change me, from the inside out. Happiness only lasts as long as the good times, but holiness will sustain me through the tough times too.
Do you think you have bought the package that advertises ‘happiness’ for all who love God? Or have you come to the place where you realize happiness is not the chief end and you have a desire for God to move you towards holiness?
Peace,
Deb
2 comments:
Dear Deb,
It is truly amazing, though not surprising, that all you have been writing lately are the exact lessons I have been sitting on and in over the past several years. Yet what I am saying thank you a thousand times over for to God is that you are one of the very few people I am even letting into my life currently. I am still just too raw to trust anyone within a church.
For the past 4 years I have been on this incredible roller coaster ride of learning all these lessons.
Faith to me was a given before the shooting. I had the next 10 years planned out. I was getting ready to work on my masters with a change to Special Education, I adored Dr. Segro, the faculty and staff at school, and I had an ability to find joy and reach students who were on the fringe. I had a wonderful husband, who has always been able to overlook my shortcomings and a beautiful 7 year old son. I had just joined a lovely little church, although I had some serious reservations at the time, and I felt I was doing well in God's eyes. April 24, 2003 was the beginning of the end of my pursuit of happiness, the elusive American dream we are all told we are entitled too and a major upheaval in my relationship with the God who was supposed to treat me like the princess I was and meet and fill every request I made.
It was not like I was completely delusional. I had my share of losses up to that point, but nothing like what I experienced then.
In the beginning people tried to be helpful, but when you are at the epicenter of something awful you do not move forward the way everyone else can. It was not long before the first well intentioned person said "can't you just move on". That was the beginning of the worse decision I have ever made, I chose to isolate myself from everything and everyone. I wore a perfect looking mask and tried to fill all the expectations placed upon me. Meanwhile I had created a nightmare at home. Yet it was in that spiral downward that it was just God and I. And when I finally chose to let go and hit the bottom of the pit with a resounded thud, it was His hand that I landed on. It has been a long journey out and one of the biggest revelations was how truly angry at God I was. Yet in His Grace He has turned that into beauty.
I am still a work in progress, I still tend to isolate when I am hurting. My faith in God is solid, yet I still can send up a huge dust storm when I am angry. I am not happy by the world's standards, but I do have abundant joy in my life. I struggle to forgive, trust and move forward. But through it all the most important lesson I have learned is that while God is not going to ride in on a white horse to save me from whatever mess I am in, He is always going to wait by my side when I push Him away and carry me in His palm when I finally surrender control and allow Him to guide me where He would have me go. Just like Paul.
Kimberly,
Thank you for your comment. You write so beautifully about your pain, your disappointment, your difficulty in trusting. I know God is doing intimate work in your heart. I am noticing healing as time goes on...I can sense it in your writing. It's hard when we go through those seasons where it's just God and 'you'.
I have experienced such a time and I longed for friends I could be open and honest with, even if all they did was listen to me talk about my pain. But, God wanted it to be just Him and me. And that is how it was for a season. Slowly, He began to bring just the right people into my life and use them to further the healing He had begun. Sounds like that is where you are right now. I count it a privilege to be 'one of those few people' you are letting in. I know there are more out there who would want to reach out. Be looking for them. And, today, may you sense His presence and peace.
Grace and Peace,
Deb
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