inside-out

The longer I follow Jesus the more I realize how much I have to work on. One would think the longer they work at something the better they would become at it. For quite a while I was confident that I was progressing in this journey. I think I based that on the external “biggies" if you know what I mean. I don’t steal, I don’t murder, I don’t covet…ok maybe I still covet, but I try not to. I think that might count. On the outside, for the most part, I look and act like a Christian. And, I thought, for a long time, that I had ‘arrived’.

Several years ago, I realized that no matter what I was able to portray on the outside, there was stuff on the inside I hadn’t noticed, let alone addressed. Issues like feelings of jealously, bitterness, envy, or behaviors like manipulation or control. I realized that my motives and attitudes were not as pure as I had hoped. I just never had thought about it before. When I realized this, it was a rude awakening. I mean…how in the world would I ever be able to get a grip on my thoughts, my motives, my attitudes? Working on those areas of my life were/are not easy and it’s difficult to measure how I’m doing.

One of the awesome things about God is that He shows me what I need to work on, when He is ready for me to work on it. And…I have also discovered that He is really the one doing the work. I open myself to that work but it isn’t work I can do on my own. I know that because I’ve tried, for years, to change some of those things without significant results. Now I am learning to rest in the work God wants to do in me. I can see some changes, but I think I have a much more realistic view of how long this work is going to take. It will never be finished this side of heaven. Just knowing that allows me to not be so hard on myself but I also know I never want to settle for just an ‘outside’ kinda faith.

Peace,
Deb

Photo by jenny downing http://www.flickr.com/photos/jenny-pics/2671988564/