“To be grateful for an unanswered prayer, to give thanks in a state of utter desolation, to trust in the love of God in the face of marvels, cruel circumstances, obscenities and commonplaces of life is to whisper a doxology in the darkness.”
Brennan Manning
I think parenting is the source of some of our sweetest moments and some of our deepest pains as human beings, especially as moms. I can remember vividly the two days I gave birth. The moment that tiny person was placed in my arms I had an entirely new definition of love. I knew that I would stand against anything that would threaten my child. I resolved to be the absolute best mom I could be. I wanted to love deeply, love in a way that allowed my child to know that, if the world seemed against them, I would be their safe place to fall. I wanted to teach them that Jesus loved them even more than I did. I wanted to tell them a life outside of Jesus would be empty and futile. I had hopes and plans and would daydream about what the future would look like.
For the most part, those dreams have come true for me. But….there were some scary times…times when I thought they might drift away. Sleepless nights, anxiety-filled days. Times when all I could think about was how they were doing. Would they be safe? Would they choose a life honoring to God? Would they want me to continue to be part of their lives?
I have a close friend who is living the nightmare. She has watched two of her children make very destructive choices…choices that will impact them for the rest of their lives. I have sat with her for hours watching her heart break. I ache for her. I have compassion for her. I have prayed for her.
Recently, although her children’s circumstances haven’t changed, her heart has. She still has deep pain but she is resting in God’s sovereignty. She has moved from asking “Why?” to saying, “Show me where to find You in this pain.” God has begun to answer that prayer. Her children are experiencing the consequences of their choices. But, she is trusting that God is in control although everything looks as if it has spun terribly out of control. She is…… whispering a doxology in the darkness.
Peace to you, my dear friend.
Love,
Deb
1 comments:
Wow, Deb, this post just speaks volumes to me, I love what you said about you wanting to be their safe place to fall and especially how Jesus loves them even more than you do. I forget that sometimes. I think that no one can love Livvy more than I do, thank you for the reminder, it also reminds me that I cannot control everything that happens to her, I can only be here for herand pray that she remains on God's path.
Love,
Carol
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