apples

I had a conversation this past weekend with a dear friend. She spoke of struggling with guilt from a choice she had made in the past. As she thought back to the time of the incident, she noticed that she made a choice that was not what God would have wanted. It was difficult to see her continue to struggle with this past choice and not be able to receive God’s grace and forgiveness. In her head, she knows that God forgives, but in her heart she still carries the burden. I think she believes if she would decide to choose to receive fully God’s grace, that she will surely make a similar choice in the future. It's like she needs to keep the pain of that choice front and center so she remembers that pain and hopes that the frequent reminder will prevent her from doing it again.

But, while she continues to carry that burden she avoids spending time with God because of the shame. Can you see that she’s caught? We briefly talked about how, if she stays in that place, she most certainly won’t move closer to the heart of God.

God loved her as much after she made her choice as before she made it and He loves her fully now even though she keeps Him at arms’ length. I think He grieves that she won’t allow Him closer to comfort her. Isn’t that what sin does so well? Create separation from God? Remember the garden? Adam and Eve in perfect communion with God. Then the choice they made to pick the proverbial "apple"…to have autonomy. Then their shame and hiding from God. And what did God do? He pursued them. Yes...there were consequences to their sin but God also provided for them and continued to care for them.

We all live under the fall…we’ve all picked and will continue to pick ‘apples’ and make choices that are not pleasing to God. But He is always waiting for us to come back into right relationship with Him.

God loves you. He wants you to be with Him. Whatever you done, He still desires your company. He loves you deeply and wants to have a restored relationship. Do what needs to be done to work towards restoration…with Him…with others and then let it go. I am convinced we don’t change our behavior by sheer will to do it differently. I’ve tried that over the years and the results have been sketchy. What I do believe changes me and my actions is being as close to the heart of God as I can be…by pursuing an intimate relationship with Him. Recognizing His love for me and resting in that love can change me like nothing else.

So…to my dear friend…and to those of you who are struggling with the same thing, I invite you to set aside some time today to sit in God’s presence and pour your heart out to Him. Don’t allow the shame or the guilt to keep you away. Sit with Him and tell Him exactly how you feel. And allow Him to pour His love over you.

Grace and Peace,
Deb