attention deficit

“I begin to observe myself in the company of others, friends and strangers alike, and I’m surprised by the level of my availability. I watch my restless heart, the mercurial way my mind sweeps from one thing to another, the way my ego holds forth, keeping me abreast of my own expectations, wants, and preoccupations, criticizing, comparing, competing, imposing views. I realize that I can be with someone but on a deeper level I’m not available to them at all. I have attention deficit disorder of the soul.”


Sue Monk Kidd, Firstlight

Once I took the time to pay attention, I noticed that this was me. It was (and still can be) hard to be with others without not thinking about my own agenda…my restless heart, my swirling mind, my ego - wanting its own way – needing constant attention and feeding, whispering in my ear what I want, what I need, what I deserve. Indeed – I too have attention deficit of the soul.


But, I am grateful for the knowledge. I think it most dangerous when you don’t know you have this disorder. If you are unaware of it, you can’t change it. I have been aware of it for some years now. It’s weird because becoming aware is the only way to change it but it also can be overwhelming when you realize how much of your identify is built around it.

I encourage you to think about this. Do you have a need to make sure everyone knows about what you are doing? Or do you feel the need to convince people of your worthiness? Of your gifts and abilities? Do you find yourself always wanting…more? Is your ego driving your way of being in the world? Tough questions, but questions worth reflecting on. May today be the beginning of identifying and treating your attention deficit of the soul.

Grace and peace,
Deb