spa for the soul - meditating

“Through meditating we explore in order to know more and more of Abba. Before we find this reality, we only BELIEVE; through experiencing a relationship, we come to KNOW.”

Morton Kelsey

To know someone, I need to spend time with them. I need to talk to them and I need to listen. The more I know them, the less I need to depend on words. I have a couple of people in my life who can just look at me and know what I am feeling. There is no need to explain myself in great detail. I am known by them.

It is that way with God. In the beginning of my relationship with him I talked…a lot. Now I talk less and listen more. There is more of a comfort level there…more of a ‘knowing’. I am learning to rest in the fact that He loves me.

Considering meditating, reflecting, pondering on who He is. Meditate on His love and His presence. Ask for nothing more than to know Him and be known by Him.

Grace and peace,
Deb
photo by Adam Ashton http://www.flickr.com/photos/adamashton/2943799875/

a 'no' is as good as a 'yes'

"When one door closes, another opens; but we often look so long and so regretfully upon the closed door that we do not see the one which has opened for us."

Alexander Graham Bell

I have been on a journey of discernment for the past several years. I knew that something was coming but I didn’t have lots of clarity. I was excited when I began to see some signs that pointed me in the direction I was to go. But then, something painful happened that I could not make sense of. What seemed to me to be a part of the journey suddenly was no longer available. Not only was it removed, it seemed it was working against me. It took me a long time to figure out that this ‘obstacle’ was indeed a gift.

Recently, one of my friends went through a similar experience. He has been part of something meaningful to him for a long time and discovered that he was no longer a part of it. At first, the sting was hurtful. But on reflection he realized that perhaps this dismissal was also a gift.

We can become so focused on how we think God will work, only opening the doors we are to walk through, that we forget how He can also close doors to change our course. Sometimes that happens to make room for the new, sometimes to protect us and sometimes to remind us He works in ways we don’t expect nor always understand. Many times I think He does it because He knows we are creatures of habit and we would settle. We cannot even begin to fathom all He might have for us so status quo is just fine.

When life seems to hand you what on the surface appears to be a closed door, relax into God and trust that He holds it all. The loss of a job, loss of a opportunity, loss of a ministry, loss of a dream, loss of a relationship, even the loss of a community….is not only the end of something but it is possibly the beginning of something new – a change in direction – that will have so much more for you than you could have ever hoped or imagined. When we can view ‘the obstacles’ or the losses in this light, we can leave behind the frustration and the ‘what ifs’ and begin to look for the ‘what’s next’. God loves us and when we are fully trusting Him we will see the love, care and even direction He has offered to us in the pain and disappointment experienced when we encounter closed doors.

Grace and peace,
Deb

Photo by Xploiter http://www.flickr.com/photos/xploiter/3161899795/

transformation

"Most transformation takes place in hidden ways, in slow, incremental ways, nurtured by a cultivated reverence."

Eugene Peterson

Do you get discouraged with the lack of transformation in your life? Do you find yourself trying to memorize more scripture, pray harder and serve more?

What if transformation is really more God's work than yours? What if your part of the work is to be present, to pay attention, to notice what God may be doing? What if transformation is already taking place under the surface and what if what you need to do is prepare a space within yourself for God to work?

Remember...it takes place in hidden ways, in slow, incremental ways....nurture it.

grace and peace,
Deb

prayer

As this night closes in
help me to realize that
you are as close as the silence and the dark
that surround me.

Let me wake
with Jacob
to a realization
that my world
is truly a holy place.

Venite Adoremus.
Come let us adore.
You are here.

John Kirvan

known

"Friendship is born at that moment when one person says to another: "What! You too? I thought I was the only one."
C.S. Lewis

I am involved in a small group where we intentionally share what is happening in our lives. We share deeply with each other...our fears, our sins, our joys.

What we discover is that we are much more alike than we are different. We are not alone in our 'stuff'. Everyone has stuff - we just usually don't talk about it with each other.

But, once you do, you will notice how much less powerful that stuff seems to be. Take the risk....talk about what is going on. Be honest and notice how freeing it can be.

Grace and peace,
Deb

God's Aid

God's Aid

God to enfold me,
God to surround me,
God in my speaking,
God in my thinking.

God in my sleeping,
God in my waking,
God in my watching,
God in my hoping.

God in my life,
God in my lips,
God in my hands,
God in my heart.

God in my sufficing,
God in my slumber
God in mine ever living soul,
God in mine eternity.

Celtic Prayer

room

Room

“When we make a place for silence, we make room for ourselves. This is simple. This is radical. A room set apart for silence becomes a sanctuary – a place for breath, for refreshment, for challenge, and for healing. It is helpful to keep the space plain and simple; a few cushions, a rug….simplicity allows the sense to rest from stimulation.

Silent spaces invite us to go to the inner room – the room inside ourselves. By making room for silence, we resist the forces of the world which tell us to live an advertised life of surface appearances, instead of a discovered life – a life lived in contact with our senses, our feelings, our deepest thoughts and values.

When a space is reserved solely for mindful practice, the silence seems to deepen. A room devoted to silence honors and invites the unknown, the untamed, the wild, the shy, the unfathomable – that which rarely has a chance to surface within us. It is a visible, external symbol of an internal reality: an actual room signifying space within ourselves set aside for silence.

Gunilla Norris, Inviting Silence

Photo by a hundred visions and revisions
http://www.flickr.com/photos/phase3/2995950426/

waiting

I am in a season of waiting. Some of that waiting requires me to let go, perhaps even be stripped bare of things that form my identity. Whatever God wants to strip away, whatever will move me closer to Him and closer to what He has for me, I am willing to surrender to that process.

Slowly,
she celebrated the sacrament of letting go
first she surrendered her green
then the orange, yellow and red
finally she let of her brown
shedding her last leaf
she stood empty and silent, stripped bare.
leaning against the winter sky
she began her vigil of trust.

Shedding her last leaf
she watched its journey to the ground.
she stood in silence
wearing the color of the emptiness,
her branches wondering:
how do you give shade with so much gone?
And then,
the sacrament of waiting began.
The sunrise and sunset watched with tenderness.
clothing her with silhouettes
they kept her hope alive.

They helped her understand that
her vulnerability
her dependence and need
her emptiness
her readiness to receive
were giving her a new kind of beauty.
Every morning and every evening
they stood in silence
and celebrated together
the sacrament of waiting!

Macrina Wiederkehr

Grace and peace,
Deb

prayer

"Prayer is the inner bath of love into which the soul plunges itself."
Saint John Vianney


Do you see prayer like this? Or do you see it as a list of things and concerns you need to talk to God about? Intercession is a form of prayer, but there is so much more to this intimate act. Prayer is our love language with our God.

Allow yourself to soak in God’s love today during a time of prayer.

Grace and peace,
Deb

unlearning curve

“Until we come face to face with the deepest, darkest fact of life without damaging our view of God’s character, we do not yet know Him”

Oswald Chambers

Commenting on the above quote –

“The point of this quote is that God does not allow trials to teach us something but to unlearn something. The next time I am faced with a trial, I want to ask – “What do you want me to unlearn?”

Peter Scazarro

I love this quote and Scazarro’s take on it. Isn’t it just like God to do the opposite of what we would think He would do? I know, during tough times, I have often asked myself, “What is God trying to teach me?” In reality, most of the time, I think God is revealing something deeper to me about who He is. He does not bend to my expectations. He does not answer my every prayer. He does not always clearly reveal the path I am to take. He does not do things the way I think they should be done.

God does not bend to my whims….He is God. I have so much to unlearn.

Grace and peace-
Deb

desire

One Beautiful One
who calls to me
from deep within,
quiet the surface
of my soul
so that your
still, small voice
can be discerned.

May Your desires
rise within.
may they come
to the forefront
while all that
is not of You
scatter with the wind.

So that what is left
is as pure and deep and true
as this imperfect
heart can hold.

And may I live from
that place,
carrying your desires,
carefully,
into this needy and
hurting world.

identity

“Ponder for the moment the numerous ways we spend time and energy in either trying to win the approval of others or protect ourselves from criticism. How often do we try to justify ourselves in the minds of others? How often do we rationalize our behavior, distort the truth, or embellish the facts in order to be seen in a positive light? How much of our behavior is posturing or putting on airs in order to impress? How often do we do things merely to enhance our image? How often do we lie or shade the truth to avoid rebuke or curry favor? How often do we vie to be the center of attention? The list goes on and on.”

Marc Foley, O.C.D., The Love that Keeps Us Sane

When we are not able to see ourselves through God’s eyes, when we do not know that our worth and value come from him….when we have our identity in anything or anyone but him we will fall into these patterns.

I really saw myself in this quote. I know I have spent much of my life trying to justify myself in the minds of others. I know I have rationalized my behavior, I have distorted the truth, I have embellished facts – all to help others see me in a more positive light. I have postured and put on airs to impress. I have done thing to enhance my image. I have lied or shaded the truth to avoid rebuke or to curry favor. I have vied to be the center of attention. And my list goes on and on…..

How about yours?

Grace and peace –
Deb

music

"Bach gave us God’s word, Mozart God's laughter and Beethoven gave us God's fire, and God gave us music so that we can pray without words." —

written in front of an old German opera house

Why is it that music can speak directly to our hearts? A song can easily take us back to a time in high school (good or bad!). It can evoke memories of a loved one who has passed away. It can bring up painful feelings of a broken relationship. It can remind us of childhood.


As a child, my mom loved country music. I can hear Loretta Lynn or Hank Williams Jr. sing, and once again, I am a 5 year old who is supposed to be taking an afternoon nap. I can picture my bed, the color of my bedroom walls and the sounds outside my window.


Somewhere Over the Rainbow reminds me of that one exciting night a year, as a child, when I would settle in for the annual viewing of The Wizard of Oz. The music that plays during the flying monkey scene still gives me chills!


The theme song, Tomorrow, from the Broadway play, Annie, was sung by my 16 year old sister-in-law a month before she was killed in a car accident. I cannot hear that song without feeling the loss of Lisa in my life.


Music can move me in ways that mere words cannot. I am thankful that God wired me in such a way that music is connected to my memory and my emotions. It can help me remember pivotal times in my life.


Give thought today to some of the songs that hold memories and emotion for you, whether those are feelings of pain or joy. Consider thanking God for the role music may play in your life….and go listen to a song that makes your heart sing.

Grace and peace,
Deb

soul work

“Soul knowledge sends you in the opposite direction from consumerism. It’s not addition that makes one holy but subtraction: stripping the illusions, letting go of the pretense, exposing the false self, breaking open the heart and the understanding, not taking my private self too seriously.

In a certain sense we are on the utterly wrong track. We are climbing while Jesus is descending, and I think in that we reflect the pride and the arrogance of Western civilization, always trying to accomplish, perform and achieve. We transferred all that to Christianity and became spiritual consumers. The ego is still in charge. When the self takes itself that seriously, there’s no room left for God.

All we can really do is get ourselves out of the way, and we can’t even do that.”

Richard Rohr

What do you think about this quote? Does it resonate with you? Can you see, either in yourself or in others the need to accomplish and perform in the journey with Jesus?

I like Rohr’s assertion that it is not addition that makes one holy – but subtraction. Letting go of more and more; your masks, your title, your entitlement, your ego. Moving into deeper and deeper relationship with Jesus means surrendering more and more of yourself to Him and to His ways.

“When the self takes itself too seriously, there’s no room left for God. All we can really do is get ourselves out of the way, and we can’t even do that.”

In what ways might you try to get yourself out of the way even today?

Grace and peace,
Deb

presence

I do not need
to seek God.
God is already here,
waiting to be found,
soaked in my reality.
My journey is to be one
of recognizing God,
always,
already present,
and surfacing
that presence in
my daily life.

Edwina Gately

fresh start

"You may have a fresh start any moment you choose for this thing we call failure is not the falling down, but the staying down."
Mary Pickford

Do you ever feel like not trying anymore? You try and try and try and feel as if it will never work. Just put your 'issue' in the blank. "I am so sick of always _______________ and having it always______________________." Or - "I've done _______________so many times and nothing changes."

The easier thing would be to stop trying. But, that is 'staying down'and that is not what God has for us.

I love the reminder that we can have a fresh start at any moment....if we choose it.

Grace and peace,
Deb

glory

"A man can no more diminish God's glory by refusing to worship Him than a lunatic can put out the sun by scribbling the word, 'darkness' on the walls of his cell."
C.S. Lewis

Why do you think we get so bent if someone we know refuses to acknowledge the reality of God? Or if they refuse to live the way we think they should? Does it change God? No.

Nothing diminishes God.

Grace and peace,
Deb

attention deficit

“I begin to observe myself in the company of others, friends and strangers alike, and I’m surprised by the level of my availability. I watch my restless heart, the mercurial way my mind sweeps from one thing to another, the way my ego holds forth, keeping me abreast of my own expectations, wants, and preoccupations, criticizing, comparing, competing, imposing views. I realize that I can be with someone but on a deeper level I’m not available to them at all. I have attention deficit disorder of the soul.”


Sue Monk Kidd, Firstlight

Once I took the time to pay attention, I noticed that this was me. It was (and still can be) hard to be with others without not thinking about my own agenda…my restless heart, my swirling mind, my ego - wanting its own way – needing constant attention and feeding, whispering in my ear what I want, what I need, what I deserve. Indeed – I too have attention deficit of the soul.


But, I am grateful for the knowledge. I think it most dangerous when you don’t know you have this disorder. If you are unaware of it, you can’t change it. I have been aware of it for some years now. It’s weird because becoming aware is the only way to change it but it also can be overwhelming when you realize how much of your identify is built around it.

I encourage you to think about this. Do you have a need to make sure everyone knows about what you are doing? Or do you feel the need to convince people of your worthiness? Of your gifts and abilities? Do you find yourself always wanting…more? Is your ego driving your way of being in the world? Tough questions, but questions worth reflecting on. May today be the beginning of identifying and treating your attention deficit of the soul.

Grace and peace,
Deb

intimacy

"The biggest challenge I face in my longing to become who I am is to know and enjoy each member of the Trinity to such an extent that I can remain centered in them when I'm with others. When I'm centered in God, alive to the spirit's rhythm, aware of the Son's grace, and basking in the Father's love, I no longer fear another’s judgment. It can hurt, but it cannot destroy. It is then that I more fully discover my true self, and I'm empowered to enter relationships with true love."
Larry Crabb

This quote speaks to the truth that we need to be completely surrendered to God and His desire for our lives to be fully who we are and to be in true relationship with others. When grounded in God’s love we are able to enter into relationships with more honesty, vulnerability and integrity.

Is God speaking to you about being centered in Him…in sensing the movement of the Spirit, in experiencing the grace Jesus offers, and feeling, on a personal and intimate level God’s love for you? Perhaps you could spend some time today pondering these three aspects of God’s work in your life. If God leads, consider writing down what He shows you. Where do you sense the Spirit’s movement? How are you experiencing the grace of Jesus? How do you feel God loving you today? These questions may help you move into a deeper intimacy with the Trinity. Enjoy that closeness.

Grace,
Deb

soul keeping

“The whole area of spiritual formation essentially focuses on soul work as a spiritual endeavor. Fundamentally, it pertains to the mysterious inner formation of our spiritual soul. The lifelong process incorporates the elaborate notions of soul renovation soul shaping, soul becoming, and soul keeping. Concisely put, it is about the care and cure of souls, or soul care in short.”

Wil Hernandez, Henri Nouwen and Soul Care


What a beautiful description of spiritual formation. It is the care of our soul – or, my personal favorite of the descriptors, – soul keeping. Whether it my own soul I am attending to or the privilege of sitting with someone else and witnessing their ‘soul becoming’, ‘soul renovation’, or ‘soul shaping’, it is indeed a mysterious process that we can participate in but cannot make happen.

It is like planting a garden. We can prepare the soil, provide water and a sunny area and we can even plant the seed. But after that, what happens under the soil and what we see when that tender shoot breaks through the surface of the ground is not because of us. That is the miracle of life, of regeneration and transformation.
The same is true with our soul keeping. We can sit in silence and solitude. We can abandon ourselves to the Spirit and ask for transformation. We can read books, study the Word, and practice spiritual disciplines…but, the bottom line is that the transformation is not of us, it is of God.

What is it that you are currently doing to ‘keep your soul’? What are you involved in that helps make the conditions right for the shaping of your soul? Do what it is that you can and then rest in the knowledge that the Spirit is doing a beautiful and meaningful work in your spirit.

Grace and peace-
Deb

rhythm

“There are greater rhythms that govern how life grows: circadian rhythms, seasons and hormonal cycles and sunsets and moonrises and great movements of seas and stars. We are part of the creation story, subject to all its laws and rhythms.

When we rest, we can relish the seasons of a moment, a day, a conversation. In relationships we sense the rhythms of contact and withdrawal, of giving and receiving, of coming close, pulling away, and returning. To surrender to the seasons and flowerings and dormancies is to savor the secret of life itself.”

Wayne Muller, Sabbath

(Post written last year - with moving in December this year I couldn't even FIND my Advent wreath!)

Christmas is past as are all the preparations that go along with it. Were there things you had planned on doing leading up to Christmas that you just didn’t get to? Like baking cookies, having intimate evenings with family and friends, contemplating the birth of Jesus? I always have the best of intentions but before I know it the season has blown by me and I’ve not gotten to some of things I had planned to do. For example, I bought an Advent wreath last year. I downloaded what it is that one does with an Advent wreath. I could envision myself lighting each candle, saying whatever I was supposed say and being very mindful about this sacred ‘waiting’ period before celebrating Christ’s birth.

So much for good intentions. First of all, I got the Christmas decorations out after the first weekend of Advent. So, I put the wreath in the middle of the table and very unceremoniously put the first candle in. The second week, I didn’t think about it until Sunday night and I again, without any thought, put the second candle in. This pattern continued until I had an Advent wreath complete with all four candles. None of them had been lit, no words spoken over them, no thought given to their meaning.

It is so easy to slip out of rhythm. So easy to not be mindful or attentive to what is happening around me. So easy to set a pace that doesn’t allow me to rest until my head hits the pillow at night. How much do I miss because of ignoring the natural rhythms of the seasons… or day and night – or the intentional rhythms I try to put into place to continue to keep myself aware of God’s presence? A lot.

How are your rhythms? How are you doing at slowing down long enough to pay attention to what is right in front of you? I invite you to consider how you are doing today moving in rhythms with the Spirit. Join me as I look ahead to a new year and a new opportunity to live into healthy rhythms.

Grace and peace,
Deb

grief

“It's so curious: one can resist tears and 'behave' very well in the hardest hours of grief. But then someone makes you a friendly sign behind a window, or one notices that a flower that was in bud only yesterday has suddenly blossomed, or a letter slips from a drawer... and everything collapses. “

~Colette

Now I have no idea who Colette is…but I do understand what she is talking about. The other day I was unpacking boxes in my bedroom (we recently moved) and I came across a pillowcase. I felt as if someone had slipped their icy hand into my chest and grabbed my heart. It was the pillowcase that was on my mom’s pillow the night she passed. I remember stroking her hair while her head lay on that pillow. I remember resting my head on the edge of that pillow when the nurse helped me get into bed with my mom so I could hold her for awhile. I remember not wanting to wash that pillowcase….but I did and I put it in that darn box. It was in there waiting for me to unpack it. I held that stupid piece of fabric and cried like a baby.

Today, I sat with a dear friend who just lost her dad…last weekend. I listened while she shared her fresh pain and it opened mine. We cried in Panera Bread. We talked about watching our parents decline and what small things we had done to try and protect their dignity. We wondered what it would be like when our children would have to care for us when we were unable to care for ourselves. We both wanted to make sure we told our kids how much we loved them so they would never be left wondering.

I came home tonight to a message from my dad. The daughter of a sweet friend of the family died last night. She fought a hard fight with ovarian cancer and several months ago the doctors said there was no more they could do – it was time for Hospice. Procuring Hospice care for an elderly parent is one thing but having it put into place for your child? That is the kind of grief that will steal your breath, drive you to your knees and make you wish you had never been born. Just being honest here, folks.

I feel surrounded by grief and grieving tonight. I feel weary and tired. I am sad. I am crying. Why? Because I miss my mom. And my friend misses her dad…and a wonderful mom misses her beautiful in-the-prime-of-life daughter.

On days like these I clutch onto Jesus and I wonder how those who are grieving and don’t know Him are even able to get out bed in the morning. ‘Cause this grieving stuff is real and could easily take you down.

I sense that tomorrow will be a better day for me. I am four months in and although it still sneaks up on me, it lasts a shorter time and there is more space in-between. Not so for my other friends. Their journey is just beginning.

Jesus – please hold onto them.

fill your space

“The one worrying thing was that I might not be given time to carry out the whole scheme. I felt as though I was about to fill a space in the world that was meant for me and had long awaited me, a mold, as it were, made for me alone, but discerned by me only in this very moment. I was a molten substance, impatient, unendurably impatient, to pour into my mold, to fill it full, without any air bubbles or cracks, before I cooled and stiffened.

Later the true significance of what happened would inevitably become clear to me, and I would be numb with surprise.”

Alexander Solzhenitsyn

I am living this. The last four years have been amazing. I have felt invited to ‘fill a space’. At first, it took me time to really believe that the invitation was for me. You know – someone says “You – I pick you”, and you are looking behind you because you are sure they must be talking to someone else. But, there is no one behind you. So, you look at them and say “Are you talking to me?” minus the Robert De Niro accent. You stand back and wait for them to say “Oh yeah, sorry – I had you confused with someone else”, but they don’t. It is you.

When you realize the invitation is for you, you either say ‘Great!’ or you say, “I am not sure I can do it”. I think it is called the Moses Syndrome. I had Moses Syndrome. It seemed clear God was inviting me to fill a particular space but I wasn’t sure I was up to the task….like he didn’t already know whether or not I could do it.
Slowly, I came to trust God’s judgment over my own and walk into His invitation. Once I accepted it, I continued to listen and discern the next right step.

The line I most resonate with in this quote is, “…I would be numb with surprise.” It has been an incredible journey and I feel as if it is only beginning. He continues to invite through a variety of avenues and I continue to accept. Each time, I am numb with surprise.

What might God be inviting you today? What space in the world might He be asking you to fill? Will you say yes? He knows you and knows what you were made for. Trust Him and go fill your space in the world.

Grace and peace,
Deb

darkness

d by darkness. It seems silent and dormant. But in that dark, solitary place, it germinates. Above the surface, you cannot tell that anything is happening. But below, new life begins.

It is the same with you and I. There are times when I feel as if I am separated from God’s presence. If I rely only on my feelings or my senses, I might believe that God is not there, not working. I must come to a place of trust. In that place I would know that He is there whether I can feel him or not. God may seem to be hidden but He is present and working.

Do you feel like He isn’t there? Do you feel separated from Him? Do you feel like you are in the dark? Know that He is there. Know that He is working even though you cannot sense it. All you need to do is surrender to the work He wishes to do. Consider what that might look like today.


Grace and peace,
Deb

rhythm

“To surrender to the rhythms of the seasons and flowerings and dormancies is to savor the secret of life itself.
Many scientists believe we are “hard-wired” like this, to live in rhythmic awareness, to be in and then step out, to be engrossed and then detached, to work and then to rest.”
Wayne Muller

Recently we moved. We were hoping to move in October but ended up moving in on December 12th. I would not recommend moving that close to Christmas. Add to that finishing up a graduate degree and it is easy to see why I might be a bit tired.

Since we moved, I noticed something different. I am ready for bed by 9 pm. Now I am not a night owl by any stretch of the imagination but going to bed at 9 makes me feels like I am becoming my grandmother! (So far, I have not noticed a need to eat dinner at 4 pm or constantly look out the windows to see what my neighbors are doing so I think I am safe).

What I have been doing is paying attention to the new rhythm that is trying to take hold of me…and going with it. Occasionally I will fight it and try to stay up, especially to see a football game or unpack another box. But I am more and more yielding to it. I am giving in and not pushing myself to do ‘just one more thing’.
I wonder if this is a new thing God is doing in me or if my body is just seeking the rest I have denied it over the past several years….or perhaps both. Whatever it is, I am going with it, trusting it and enjoying it.

May you listen today to the rhythm God may be calling you to – is He asking you to rest? Listen. Try it and see what happens.
Grace and peace,
Deb