trust

“I want to trust Him more than I want to not believe in myself.”

I have spent many years not believing in myself. For many reasons, I have thought that whatever I am doing, someone else could do better. Whatever I feel called to, someone else would do better. When I sense God saying, “This is what I want you to do - ”, I look over my shoulder to see who He might be speaking to. Seeing no one, I turn back to Him and he says…”Yes - you.”

I can spend so much energy and time wondering if what I am hearing are just my own thoughts or if they are truly from Him. My normal mode of operation is to doubt and wait for God to speak louder. But, a couple of months ago, there was a shift. I realized that not trusting myself was a sign of me not trusting God to do what He wants to do in and through me. I found myself writing the above quote in my journal.

Sometimes it feels that what He is asking is way beyond my ability, my experience, my giftedness….and it is. Because if it wasn’t it would be way too easy for me to do it on my own and take the credit. Instead He chooses to work in me in a way that allows me to use the gifts He has given while always keeping the task just beyond…or sometimes…way beyond what I could ever do on my own, because then I need to lean into Him.

I realized that I wanted to trust Him more than I wanted to not believe in myself and I think God is pleased with that.

Are there places where you do not believe in yourself – in the work God has done in you and wants to do through you? Consider how you might move to a place of wanting to trust God more than not believing in yourself.