listening

“……there are four kinds of listening:

Listening but not hearing.

Listening and connecting with one’s own agenda.

Listening and hearing without a personal agenda.

Intuitive listening, meaning not only hearing what was being spoken but what is not being said. Deep listening.”

Anne LeClaire
Listening Below the Noise

Who knew listening could be so complicated? Isn’t it just a matter of hearing what the other person says? Apparently not. Let’s see if I can connect this with my own personal examples.

Listening but not hearing. I think this is the kind of listening I do on a Sunday when I am watching football. Yes, ladies (and guys, if there are any of you reading) – in my house, my husband is the football widower. I have the remote and the big screen. Meals are planned around game time – bathroom breaks and drink breaks around halftime. I am serious. If I am not home for a game I want to see I record it. No joke. So, if Jeff asks me a question during a game, I listen but I don’t hear him. You know – polite enough not be rude (unless the Steelers are playing)but yet not tuned in enough to give a real answer. And ‘uh huh’ or a ‘nah’ – you know – monosyllabic. Keep it quick and simple.

Listening and connecting with one’s own agenda. This might be the listening I am capable of 10 minutes before the game starts. The thought is that if I seem attentive now and we get this conversation out of the way, I will be able to watch the game without interruption. Or – if it can wait until halftime, I can actually face him and use my big people words rather than grunts. But make sure the conversation can be concluded in 10 minutes.

Listening and hearing without a personal agenda. This one is the hard one. It is so hard to get my agenda out of the way! I think this is easier with acquaintances in a passing conversation. Believe it or not, I am capable of doing it at home (when it is not football season) and usually find it very satisfying.

Intuitive listening, meaning not only hearing what was being spoken but what is not being said. Deep listening. This requires something else altogether. For me, it requires the help of the Holy Spirit. It is a time when I am very intentional about getting myself and my agenda out of the way and giving my full attention to the person who is speaking and to the leading of the Spirit. It’s a time when I tend to be silent more than speak. It is a time when I ask questions rather than give advice. It is a time when I am dependent on God and am trusting Him to provide the insight – both to me and to the person I am listening to.

I want to cultivate more intuitive listening in my life, not only when I am with directees but when I am with friends, family, co-workers, etc. I want to provide a space where people feel heard and seen. When I am able to do that it is even better than football. :)


Grace and peace –
Deb

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