In March, I held a retreat. The women were wonderful. It was such a pleasure watching them discover new ways of being with God, becoming more comfortable sitting alone with Him and just enjoying being away from the everyday demands and responsibilities, soaking up the peace and quiet.
As I was packing up to come home, I remember putting my journal on top of a basket I was taking to the car. I got home, and while re-living the sweet moments we had shared over the weekend, I began to put things away. It wasn’t until the next morning, as I was preparing to spend time with God that I realized I could not find it. I looked and looked and looked and then looked again. I went through book shelves, looked behind the bookcase, and looked in the car, under seats and in the trunk. I looked everywhere I could think it possibly might be. I even went back to the retreat house and looked there. No sign of it anywhere.
You may be thinking that I am distressed because of what might be written on its pages and the fear that someone else might see it. There is an element of that. I try to be as honest as I can be when I write in my journal. It has become a spiritual discipline for me… a place to work through what I sense God speaking to me about and where I am noticing Him. So, it is very private and I certainly would prefer that no one read it. But, what troubles me far more is the fact that, that journal contains about four months of my life. It holds my memories, my thoughts, my insights, my hopes, my dreams, my pain, my disappointments….my reflections about my recent trip to Israel. And it is gone.
Now I trust that God will bring back to my remembrance all that I may need. But to think about what on those pages and the fact that it is lost to me, makes me sad.
I share this to encourage you; if you don't journal , consider starting and if you do, please continue. Losing mine has reinforced, to me, that it is such a precious tool we can use to process and record our journey. It can provide us with glimpses of hope and build our faith as we go back and re- read it and clearly see God’s hand and movement in our life. Start writing!
Blessings,
Deb
Friday, May 25, 2007
journaling
Posted by deb at 4:16 AM
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5 comments:
Journaling was not a discipline I was excited to do, as I do not enjoy writing. However, with Deb's guidance I took pen and paper to hand and gave it a try. It has been a blessing in my life that I will continue to do. The trick for me was making it mine. God has been working on me for years to be who he created me to be, not like someone else. I need to put this lesson to work in my journaling too. Now whenever something noteworthy happens (that is usually every day or week) I go back to my journal. thanks Deb!
God bless
I agree with Pam and Deb. Journaling is important but I do not enjoy writing. I have a hard time getting my thoughts on paper. I am much more of a verbal person. However, I do have a prayer journal that I do write in almost every day. Recently, I pulled out my journal from one year ago. At that time my husband was very ill and in fact preparing to leave this world for heaven. As I read through that journal I was amazed at how close God was to me. He calmed all my fears and gave me a comfort that could come only from him. I knew that but to look back and remember the intensity of that time was a great reminder that things should be no different now. I should cling to God just as much as I did a year ago. But we forget, life gets busy. So I love my journals to process and later to remember.
Well Deb, here it is....I finally have the courage to do this :)
I think one of the key words you used on this page was the word "precious". Like Pam and Cindy, journaling was not a discipline that I enjoyed doing, but as I continue to do it more frequently, it really has become a precious time with Jesus. Somehow, there is something different that happens when you put your thoughts to paper. When my thougths just swirl around in my head, they are often confusing, distracting, and many times controlling (if that makes any sense). But, when I pour them out onto paper, it is like pouring them out to Jesus. All the joy, the pain, the struggle, the wonder, the mess....get poured out into that private space reserved only for Jesus. No matter what I put on the pages (and I have written some hateful things), Jesus meets me there. He gently says to me,"release your burdens to me...I am here with you....I understand completely what you are going through...I love you...and I walk the journey with you". For me, God has used my journaling to reveal the deep dark-side of my soul and those inner longings that won't be met until heaven....
Journaling is a constant reminder to me of my incredible need for Jesus, and a record of the process he takes me through to rest in his love.
Ladies,
I understand your difficulty with journaling. For the longest time, I was in love with the 'idea' of journaling but couldn't stick to it. For the last two years, I have been consistent and it's been great.
Pam...I know your sturggle with it and how you have found a way to incorperate it into your life...when you feel the need.
Cindy,...how precious those entries must be to you now..reminders of God's hand holding you through such a tough time.
And, MK...welcome! You're right...journaling helps us to slow our thoughts down so we can sort out what we need to pay attention to and what we can let go of.
thanks to all of you for sharing...
Peace,
Deb
Unlike those others who've shared...I love to write. And I have to confess I am rarely brief. I journal but not daily in the way you are doing...it tends to happen more often when I am overwhelmed with thoughts I need to process...good or bad. Or in response to others =) In the early years of our marriage my husband and I kept journals together that we wrote with the hopes that our children will one day read them. We wanted them to enter relationships knowing that marriage is rewarding but hard for anyone. That has faded with time. But I just want to ditto how important writing can be and even this resource now...in sharing your heart. I have a friend who hates to write...even personal emails for fear another will read her thoughts. What horror to live so trapped I think! God did not give us a spirit of fear or timidity. Nor did he intend for us to hide ourselves, especially our hearts, to try and live out godly lives alone. I say Write Away =)
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