thorns

Do you ever find yourself wondering what life was like in the Garden? Beauty. Serenity. Harmony. Peace. Complete fellowship with God and with each other. Flowers without allergies. Roses without thorns. And no pain. Can you even imagine – no pain? Enter the serpent, the desire for autonomy and a choice to move away from God. Welcome to thorns…and pain.

I have fibromyalgia. I was diagnosed about 10 years ago. I tried different types of meds looking for the right combination. Right now, I think I am as close as I am going to come. It can be painful to roll over in bed at night but getting up in the morning is the worse. Each step across the floor makes me cringe as I feel like my heels are on fire. The first time down the stairs, I feel and sound like a 90 year-old great-grandma. I have my hands on each of the walls trying to take some of the pressure off my feet. By the time I am ready for work, I can usually bound down the stairs. I feel pretty normal until I have sat for awhile, either in the car or at the computer and when I get up to walk, reality sets in. It is a nuisance but certainly not debilitating.

Then there is PAIN. If you have been reading my writing for a while you know my mom is living near me. Her health is overall, not good, but for her the past 7 months have been stable. No hospital visits, no internal bleeds, no shortness of breath, no ambulance rides, no blood transfusions. On one level, I think we have both gotten use to her chronic issues and have come to accept them.
One of her chronic issues is/was knee problems. Both knees are quite painful and she has been getting steroid injections which have provided some relief. Her last one was last Friday. Over the weekend her mobility was improving. Until yesterday. I went to pick her up to go out for dinner. As she got into the car and I was putting her walker in the backend, she asked if I could lift her right leg into the car. I did and she screamed. Then she cried. Then I wanted to cry. I asked her what had happened and she told me she had not had a good day with that knee. Understatement. As I got into the car, I told her I was taking her to Urgent Care to get that knee looked at again. She says, “No – it will be ok.” (Although you can already see that was a lame answer it is better than what she usually says…no matter what the problem…bleeding, shortness of breath, chest pain – she always blames it on a change in the weather!) I insisted we go and get it checked out. We did. X-rays. Dr. talking. Bottom line – she probably needs a knee replacement. Bone on bone – no more cartilage. Grinding, sharp, unpredictable pain. Out in ½ hour with no injection, no magic pill. Back in the car – more pain, more crying.

She says she won’t have the surgery. I know knee replacement is not a surgery for wimps. Neither is constant pain. Everything she does – going to the bathroom, going to the kitchen to get a cup of coffee, you name it – it requires so much effort. It breaks my heart. I can’t stand seeing her hurt. I am helpless to change it.

Some days I long more for Eden than others. This is one of those days.

Grace and peace,
Deb



Photo by CB_27 http://www.flickr.com/photos/cb_27/5486980903/

sing

My life flows on in endless song above earth’s lamentations;
I hear the real though far-off hymn that hails a new creation.
No storm can shake my inmost calm while to that rock I am clinging;
while love is Lord o’er heaven and earth how can I keep from singing?

Tradition Quaker Hymn

Sing your song today.

Grace and peace, Deb

photo by lauren mariah http://www.flickr.com/photos/laurenmariah/4063309470/

creativity

“And what of the human heart’s capacity to understand God? Here we need the help of passionate visionaries such as Dostoevsky. Sacred scripture is too important to be left exclusively to biblical scholars. Theology is too vital to be consigned solely to the province of theologians. To explore the depths of the God who invites our trust, we need artists and mystics……”

“Send in the artists, mystics and clowns. Their fertile imagination pours the new wine of the gospel into fresh wineskins (Luke 5:38). With fresh language, poetic vision and striking symbols, they express God’s inexpressible Word in artistic forms that are charged with the power of God, engaging our minds and stirring our hearts as they flare and flame.”

Brennan Manning, Ruthless Trust




I have many friends who are artists. Some act, some write, some paint, some draw, some make jewelry, some sing. I am always in awe of them. I draw ‘stick’ people. I paint walls. I make very basic jewelry that may fall apart by the end of the day. I have done some acting, some singing and some writing but I have never really considered myself an artist. Until recently.

God has given one of my friends a vision of providing a place for regular people like you and me, to discover the artist within. She believes that we all have an artistic side. We just need encouragement and a safe place to experiment. She sees each of us as an expression of God’s creativity and we, being made in God’s image, have that same creativity inside. Hmmm….maybe I am an artist. My ‘stick’ people may just have a beauty all their own.

What is inside of you waiting for the chance to express itself? Have you tried and been discouraged by someone else's comment or even your own voice telling you that you are not an artist? I invite you to listen to what God is calling you to…and how He wants you to express it. Remember…you’re expressing what is inside of you for the audience of One.

And...check out deAnn's website ( my artist friend) at http://blog.verticalcreativity.org/

grace and peace,
Deb

the sacrament of reading

Outside of a dog, a book is man's best friend. Inside of a dog it's too dark to read.

~Groucho Marx

I LOVE BOOKS. I need BA – Books Anonymous. I need a sponsor. If there was a book rehab – I should probably check in. I love the look of them, the feel of them, and the smell of them. I know, right now there are those of you who do not see books in the same way I do and perhaps think I need to check into some different kind of program.

I like books so much that I was overwhelmed when Borders moved into our community. I can spend hours there. I could move in and live there. There is something almost sacred, to me, just walking into that space. Being surrounded by all that knowledge, all those ideas, all those words strung together to make eloquent sentences, telling riveting stories. I even have applied for a position there…two times…and never heard back. What’s up with that? I imagine they would say “You are over qualified.” Who are they to make that call??? But, I think the reason is more God’s idea of an intervention. The thought of being able to get books at a discount would push me off the edge for sure. I mean – who needs to eat when you have a great book to read? And…if I could somehow live at Borders I wouldn’t have to pay for housing….hmmmmm. But, Borders does have its limits. In recent years they have drastically reduced their inventory of spiritual reading and journals. Very sad to me indeed.

My favorite bookstore – especially for spiritual books… is Hearts and Minds in Dallastown, Pa. When I walk in there, I take my book addiction to new heights. The quaint store has shelves literally crammed with books. It is like book Mecca. Byron, Beth and the rest of the staff are so knowledgeable and helpful (except I have been known to call Byron 'my pusher'!). If they don’t have it, they will track it down and find it. But, half the fun there is searching for the book you came for and walking out with four other books you have just realized you can’t live without. They just seem to beg you to take them home, like puppies at the pound. And, I appreciate that they stock books that are a bit edgy – not the safe Christian books that tend to be mainstream but books that stretch you and push you to see God and the world in a new way.

Enlarge and enrich your world today - read a book.


grace and peace,
Deb
Hearts and Minds Bookstore’s website:
www.heartsandmindsbooks.com

photo by shutterhacks http://www.flickr.com/photos/shutterhacks/4474421855/

desire

Do you really want to live your lives,
every moment of your lives, in His Presence?
Do you long for Him? Crave Him?
Do you love His Presence?
Does every drop of blood in your body love Him?
Does every breathe you draw breathe a prayer, a praise to Him?
Do you sing and dance within yourselves, as you glory in His love?
Have you set yourselves to be His, and only His,
walking every moment in Holy obedience?

Thomas Kelly
A Testament of Devotion



How can one possibly live like this? For me, it isn’t a lack of desire. I so desire an intimate relationship with God. I know that I don’t ‘breathe a prayer’ every time I draw a breath (at least not consciously). I have ‘gloried’ in His love, at times, but I definitely don’t walk in obedience every waking moment. So, reading something like this can be discouraging.

But, I don’t think God wants us to be discouraged by these words. In fact, I think He wants us to be very encouraged as this is what we can aspire to. I used to give up after a day or two of trying to live up to words like these. In the last several years, I began to sense that God was only asking me to have the desire to live this way. He knows that, because I live in this fallen world, I will continue to struggle with brokenness and sin.

What I’ve noticed is that the more I desire intimacy with Him and set my intention on that, the more I realize I am living closer to the way He wants me to. Less effort, more change. It’s the Holy Sprit working in and through me…it is not because of my own efforts. Not that I don’t need to be open and cooperate with this work but it is so much less work when I let God take the lead.

I invite you to think about asking God to stir that deep desire in you for more intimacy with Him. It will be the beginning of a new season in your spiritual life. If you already have the desire for more, enjoy it and move with it as it takes you into a deeper place of being with Him.
Peace,Deb

life

“Life is just a chance to grow a soul.”
A.Powell Davies

Life is filled with all kinds of stuff. Wow…I must be in a eloquent mood today! But it is true. There are the wonders of family…a great husband, children who actually want to be in my life, grandchildren who bring a new and unexpected joy to my days….to the gift of friendships, rich and textured, speaking love and encouragement into my life….the meaning of vocation, being free to use my gifts and abilities to usher others into a deeper relationship with our Creator…. the presence of beauty, art, music, color, fabric, nature. I could go on and on.

And then there is the part of life that is filled with pain. The loss of life, relationships, youth, hopes, dreams, health. The visions of the world’s groaning…poverty in India, genocide in Darfur, AIDS in Africa. The brokenness of the Fall lived out in Technicolor. Sometimes, it all keeps me awake at night.

But this is the stuff of life. The good, the bad and the ugly. And it is all part of what makes us who we are. Not so much what we experience but how we respond to it.

May you embrace all of it. May you be awake to all of it. May you love deeply and may you hurt over the things that break the heart of God. May your soul be shaped life…a life entwined with God.

Grace and peace,
Deb

holy wild

“Leave yourself alone. Enter solitude. Be silent. Do your good deeds in secret. Make dead space into holy ground.

You will become less, it’s true. But you will also become more: you will discover your true self and meet more often, lose less often, the Lord of the holy wild. For out of empty tombs and dead spaces comes the living Christ. Be still and know that He is God.”

Mark Buchanan

“For out of empty tombs and dead spaces comes the living Christ”. How encouraging is that? I know that many days, I feel like an empty tomb. I feel as if I’m filled with dead space. I feel as if I don’t have one more good thing to give, to say, to do, left within me.

Those are the days that I know I am trying to do it on my own. I’m not consciously tuning God out…I’m just not being intentional about sitting with Him, about getting myself out of the way. When I try to be present with God, I am so much more aware of Him being the One who works in and through me and that what I am able to do is because of Him. It is in Him that I live and move and have my being.

Today…do you feel like an empty tomb? Do feel like you are hollow inside…filled with only dead space? Remind yourself that the Creator of the universe, the One who made the foundations of the earth, who crafted the mountains and carved out the seas….lives within you. And…that makes you the bearer of the Christ. Move and live and have your being this day resting in that knowledge.

Grace and peace,
Deb

fresh start

“Is there anyone I can level with? Anyone I dare tell that I am benevolent and malevolent, chaste and randy, compassionate and vindictive, selfless and selfish, that beneath my brave words lives a frightened child, that I dabble in religion and pornography, that I have blackened a friend’s character, betrayed a trust, violated a confidence, that I am tolerant and thoughtful, a bigot and a blowhard, that I hate hard rock?”

Brennen Manning
Ruthless Trust

I think this quote hits home for all of us. I know it does for me. I was talking with a friend the other day. We were talking about how, sometimes, we can hardly believe that God doesn’t just smite us (don’t hear that word everyday, now do ya!), that we both have thoughts, attitudes and behaviors that we know aren’t what God would want of us. But, the amazing thing is that He waits…He waits for us to come around, to acknowledge those things within ourselves, turn back to Him and allow His love to enfold us, once again. He knows that we live and move in a fallen, broken world and that no matter how much we try, we will never be fully whole until we see Him face to face. That means we will never be free of the struggle that Brennan Manning describes but it also means that there is hope and forgiveness found in God’s love.

May today be a fresh start for you. Know that we all struggle with the ‘dark’ stuff in our hearts but also know that God is waiting for you, desiring you to move back toward Him. Allow yourself to experience His love today.

Grace and peace,
Deb

awareness

One of my favorite authors is Ken Gire. He has a way of helping me learn to pay attention to the movements of God in my life. He has written numerous devotional books. The first book I read by him is an excellent book called, Seeing What is Sacred: Becoming More Sensitive to the Everyday Moments of Life, (old title - The Reflective Life) that is written, specifically, to help you become more aware.

I want to share a quote from him:

"He[God] has much to say, not only from the Scriptures but from the circumstances of our everyday lives. However prosaic the pages of our lives may seem at first reading, within the lines or in between the lines God may be speaking. Every book we read, every movie we see, every person we talk with, every song we listen to, every moment in our lives, in fact, should be subjects for reflection and could be ways through which God is speaking."


Consider asking God to help you today...help you pay attention to where/how He may be speaking to you, perhaps speaking in ways you had not considered before. Feel free to share what you noticed.


May you see Him in a different way today.

grace and peace,

Deb

imagine

"There is something beautiful about a billion stars held steady by a God who knows what He is doing. (They hang there, the stars, like notes on a page of music, free-form verse, silent mysteries swirling in the blue like jazz.) And as I lay there, it occurred to me that God is up there somewhere. Of course, I had always known He was, but this time I felt it, I realized it, the way a person realizes they are hungry or thirsty. The knowledge of God seeped out of my brain and into my heart. I imagined Him looking down on this earth, half angry because His beloved mankind had cheated on Him, had committed adultery, and yet hopelessly in love with her, drunk with love for her."

— Donald Miller

Allow yourself to spend some time with this quote today. What do you notice? What part of it moves you? Upsets you? Consider journaling about those things, paying attention to what you are feeling and then offer it all up in a prayer to God.

grace and peace,
deb

Photo by Jared http://www.flickr.com/photos/generated/3152875826/

sit

“If we begin to worship and come to God, again and again by meditating, by reading, by prayer, and by obedience, little by little God becomes known to us through experience. We enter into familiarity with God, and by tasting how sweet the Lord is we pass into . . loving God, not for our own sake, but for Himself.”

Saint Bernard of Clairvaux

When is the last time you “experienced” God? When is the last time you felt His love for you? When is the last time you sensed Him speaking to you?

If you haven’t experienced God this way, consider spending some time in silence, every day. Begin with several minutes and add time as it seems right. Let your only request during that time be “God… I want to meet with you here, in this moment”…and sit.

Even if you ‘feel’ nothing, know that He is answering that simple prayer and that your spirit is being refreshed by Him.

Grace and peace,
Deb

expression

My friend, deAnn Roe, recently was a guest teacher in the mid-size community I lead on the spiritual disciplines. deAnn is the Director of Creative Arts at Living Word and was willing to come in and teach two evenings on Spiritual Formation and the Arts. This past Monday evening, she taught us the art of writing Haiku.

You, too, can write Haiku ------ah, yes you can. The first line is 5 syllables, the second line is 7 syllables and the third line is five. It is amazing the picture you can paint with so few words. She suggested we start with something funny. Here's mine:

Not built for water,
no signal in the toilet.
Bye, my Blackberry.

Over the past couple of days I have heard beautiful examples of Haiku as individuals have spent time thinking about their relationship with God. I will share another one of mine– this one, perhaps a bit more meaningful.

Lean into Desire,
let Him pour His love on you.
Surrender, let go…..

Go ahead – try it. You may be surprised at what shows up on the paper. If any of you reading this were in class and have an example you want to share, that would be awesome.

Grace and peace,
Deb

quiet

"But the LORD is in his holy Temple.
Let all the earth be silent before him.”

Hab 2:20 NLT


Silence. What a rare commodity. I am more and more convinced that living a life of intimacy with Jesus is near impossible without the commitment to spending time in silence.

Without it, we can do his work, we can talk about him, we can study him. But to hear his voice, we must learn to be still…to listen…to be silent. Unfortunately, we settle for work, talk and study. Somehow it seems easier.

If silence is new to you, begin with one minute a day. Just sit…no noise, no outward distractions. Just sit. That’s all.

Shhhhhhh,
Deb

surprise

“If Jesus has done everything to redeem us, do we have to do anything? Well, yes. We have to accept the possibility of our own transformation. We have to receive the grace, interpret the grace, name the grace. We have to act accordingly to the grace we have received; we have to incarnate the message. We have to let ourselves by surprised by joy.”

Emile Griffin, Small Surrenders

When was the last time you were surprised by joy? For me it was three weeks ago. I can have moments of joy in the midst of my day but that day, the joy was overwhelming. It taken me some time to take it in. As I have reflected on what happened, it has made me consider the ‘possibility of my own transformation’ on some level. I need to receive this grace, interpret this grace and name this grace. Those processes are going on deep inside.


Right now, without fully understanding the grace, I need to act accordingly. I need to incarnate the message so that it no longer remains just mine and is for the benefit of those God choses. And…I need to let myself be surprised by joy.
Have you accepted the possibility of your own transformation? Do you really believe that God can and wants to do amazing things in and through you? Without opening yourself to the possibility, you can’t really receive the grace…you can’t really take it in deep down in your soul.

May your prayer be today…

God ~
Let me surprised by joy. Let me accept the possibility of my own transformation…that through You all things are possible. What you give to me, may I freely give to others.

Amen

Live this day in grace,
Deb

Photo by mmlolek http://www.flickr.com/photos/marcinmoga/4240686102/

quest

you seem so far away from me today.
just out of reach.
or maybe i’m the one who is out of reach.
out of touch.
what is it that makes you so hard to see?
i need new eyes, spiritual eyeballs that look past
the bills that need paying
and the car that needs fixing
and the emails that keep coming
to see what lies beyond.
eyes that can see in the dark.
and through the dark
to you.

i’ve been looking
in the wrong place all this time –
in myself rather than in you,
within this world rather than
beyond it where the kingdom
of God resides, where you live,
and secretly smile at my shortsightedness –
and wait.
i’m glad you’re so patient.

quest


Steven James

tears

Help me, O God,
give me the courage to cry.
Help me understand that tears bring
freshly washed colors arching across the soul,
colors that wouldn’t be there apart from the rain.
Help me to see in the prism of my tears,
something of the secret of who I am.
Give me the courage
not only to see what those tears are revealing
but to follow where they are leading.
And help me to see,
somewhere over the rainbow,
that where they lead me is home….

Ken Gire

Photo by silentavenger7
http://www.flickr.com/photos/9288015@N06/622365097/

presence

“To care means first of all to be present to each other. From experience you know that those who care for you become present to you. When they listen, they listen to you. When they speak, you know they speak to you. And when they ask questions you know it is for your sake and not for their own. Their presence is a healing presence because they accept you on your terms, and they encourage you to take your own life seriously….”

Henri Nouwen

Who does this for you? Who is this presence in your life? Who do you allow to speak into your life with truth and grace? If you are fortunate enough to have this, offer up a word of thanks to God. If you don’t, offer up a prayer asking Him to send someone to you.

Grace and peace,
Deb

love

“I began to wonder if becoming a Christian did not work more like falling in love than agreeing with a list of true principles.”

Donald Miller

I have had the privilege of witnessing the transformation that has occurred when others begin to grasp that they are deeply loved by God. When they begin to feel that He loves them, intimately, they can begin to trust Him with their entire heart. They are able to trust Him with their family, their calling, their fears, their hurts, their insecurities……you fill in the blank. As they feel more secure in His love, they don’t scream for recognition, become undone by slights, or become jealous over the accomplishments of others.

How is it between you and Jesus? Do you know a lot about Him but struggle to feel His love? Ask Him to allow you to abandon yourself to Him, to become so secure in His love that you will stop looking to other things to fulfill you.

Grace and peace,
Deb

leaning in

“God is always leaning into us. If we imagine ourselves sitting at a table with any member of the Triune God (or all three!), God is attentive to us, seeing us through eyes of intense love and delight in who we are. It is the adoring parent listening to the delightful child explain something the child just learned or created. It is also the patient and loving parent discussing a breach of trust or boundaries with the child. The ‘leaning in’ is not impacted by the topic of the discussion, unless it is to draw even closer. There is no harsh judgment, even if there is disappointment. There is only love and welcome and a deep desire for the best for us.”
Joanie Taddeo

When I read this quote, it brought tears to my eyes. What a beautiful picture it paints! Can you imagine anything more wonderful than having God lean into you, listening intently to you? Or quietly speaking words of love or gentle correction into your life? It seems to me that this is exactly what God would want to do with us.

Prayer is intimacy with God. Today, take some time and reflect on what it would feel like to have God ‘lean’ into you. What would you want to say to Him? What do you need to hear from Him? Allow yourself to enter into that experience and see what comes up.

Grace and peace,
Deb

love

“God doesn’t want me to try to become more loving. He wants me to absorb his love so that it flows out from me. Only love is capable of genuine transformation. Willpower is inadequate. Thomas Merton reminds us that the root of Christian love is not the will to love but the faith to believe that one is deeply loved by God. Embarking on the journey of Christian spiritual transformation is enrolling in the divine school of love. Our primary assignment in this school is not so much study and practice as it is letting ourselves be deeply loved by our Lord.”

David Benner

How are you doing at letting yourself be deeply loved by God?

Grace and peace,
Deb

Photo by dturnow

questions

“To be a Christian does not mean knowing all the answers; to be a Christian means being willing to live into the part of the self where the question is born.”

Wendy M. Wright

There was a time in my life when I felt as if I needed to have all the answers…in case a friend…or worse yet, someone who was searching out the faith, asked me about something. What would it say if I didn’t have the answer they were looking for? Would it reflect badly on God?

I have come to a place in my life where I am much more comfortable living in the questions. I love the God of mystery and He holds all the answers. What I can do is to be with others as they learn to live the questions.

Grace and peace,
Deb

Photo by Eleaf http://www.flickr.com/photos/eleaf/2536358399/

breath

“God is always present – we’re the ones who show up.”

Rob Bell

Have you ever thought about the way we pray when we get together? We ask God, “Please be present with us.” We are asking for something that already is. He is always present with us. Would not a truer prayer be…"God, please help us to be present!”? We are the ones who live, most times, without awareness of how God is present.

May you, today, have a new awareness of God’s presence in your life.

May you see Him in all that you do, in everyone that you talk to, in everything you read, see or hear.

May you recognize His presence in nature.

And, may you rest in the knowledge that He is always closer to you than your breath.

Grace and peace,
Deb

may it be...

“Blessed woman, who believed what God said, believed every word would come true.”

Luke 1:45 The Message

Words for Mary, words for me.
May it be as You have said.
May it be as You will.
May I be attentive to Your hand
and its movement in my life.
And…may I move in rhythm with you.

Grace and peace,
Deb

gift

“A friend is one who knows my heart’s song and sings it back to me when I have forgotten it.”

Unknown

I count my friends to be gifts from God. It is amazing to me that there are people in this world who do not have any obligation to be with me. They actually choose to have me in their life. And, they take the time to remind me why. They speak truth into my life. They encourage, challenge and love me.

I can only hope that I bring as much to their lives as they bring to mine.

Thank you to all those women who speak into my life….who sing my heart song back to me when I have forgotten it.

Love,
Deb

photo by ben_onthemove http://www.flickr.com/photos/ben_on_the_move/4654557504/

response

The Most High calls to us and waits for us to respond. He desires to quench our deepest thirst, to satisfy our deepest hunger, and to fill us with His power and presence as we dwell in the secret place of the Most High.

Cynthia Heald

Anything I feel a desire to do in my relationship with God is initiated by Him. He calls me, woos me and waits for me to respond. He is wants to meet my needs ~ quench my thirst and satisfy my hunger…for Him.

May you respond to His leading…
may you sense His presence.

Grace and peace,
Deb

Lead Me Out of My Doubts and Fears

Eternal God,
lead me now
out of the familiar setting
of my doubts and fears,
beyond my pride
and need to be secure
into a strange and graceful ease
with my true proportions
and with yours;
that in boundless silence
I may grow
strong enough to endure
and flexible enough to share
your grace.

Ted Loder
Guerillas of Grace