ancient~future

“The sons and daughters of modernity are rediscovering the neglected beauty of classical Christian teaching. It s a moment of joy, of beholding anew what has been forgotten, of hugging a lost child. One of the most promising developments among evangelical Protestants is the recent ‘discovery’ of the rich, biblical, spiritual, and theological treasures to be found within the early church.”

Chris Armstrong

This past weekend I lead a class on how to approach the Scriptures in a transformative way ~ lectio divina. It is an ancient practice that has been a part of monastery life for over 1500 years. But, it is being ‘rediscovered’ in evangelical circles. And, it is to our benefit.

For years, I have approached my Christianity in a rational manner. I had knowledge of Scripture, knowledge of Jesus, knowledge of God’s character. But, when I began, several years ago, to practice a more contemplative spirituality, it is like my spiritual life was awakened from a deep sleep. The Bible now breathes hope into my spirit. Jesus now is someone I have an intimate relationship with rather than someone I have pledged my allegiance to. And I can picture God singing over me because He loves me. My spirit has new life.

We do not need to fear what the ancient church mothers and fathers passed down through the generations. If we can find a place, within our rational faith framework, for the possibility that we do not have it all figured out, and be open to learning some new ways to experience God, we may find ourselves moving closer to the Lord than we ever thought possible .. . not just with our head but with our heart.

Grace and peace,
Deb

words

“Kind words can be short and easy to speak, but their echoes are truly endless.”

Mother Teresa

How true are these words! But, unfortunately, hurtful words echo in our minds for a long time too. Be careful what you say and how you say it because it will remain with the one who receives it.

Grace and peace,
Deb

awareness

“Our ability to change is limited to the present moment. We can only affect this moment and hope it affects all the others.”

Margaret Becker

How true this statement is! And how many times I find myself living in the past or in the present. I fret about things I’ve done, or haven’t done. Did I do a good job with this? Did I make a mistake with that?

I also think a lot about the future. Where will I be one year from now? Should I do this or should I do that?

Sometimes, I find myself being in the present. It is something I am trying to practice more. No matter what I am doing, I want to be fully present to it. Because, if I live in the past or in the future, I am missing now. And now, right now, is really all I have. And, it is true - what choice I make in the moment truly does affect other moments in the future.

Point being, I don’t want to miss my present because I am wrapped up in what has been or what might be. Now is what I have. Now is what you have.

What is consuming your thoughts? The past? The future? What would it be like to work towards being fully engaged with right now?

Consider trying, today, to be present. Pay attention to what you notice. Thank God for today, for this hour, for this minute, for this moment.

Grace and peace,
Deb

constriction

artist - Beth Cavener Stichter

constriction
lungs reaching for air
throat closing

trapped
pinned down
struggling against
an immovable object

now
there is nothing
holding me
nothing tying me down

but

still
tightness,
shallow breaths,
struggling, pulling

i want free!
i want release
i want to breathe
deeply ~

i want to fill my lungs
with the sweet air of freedom

trapped
by fear
of my own making,

unseen
but
just as real

hope

The East is getting out her gold
She holds it out against the night
and scatters darkness
with her light.
Then morning comes
climbing over the hill
like an eager, restless child.
She pauses just a moment
then cast her color on the earth.

Morning, color me bright
I’ve been afraid too long
The color of fear is dark
darker than night
But your glance is full of light.

Don’t hurry morning;
come slowly.
Dress yourself in light.
Climb over that hill lovingly
Hand me a new day hopefully
Get into my bloodstream, and
color me like the rising sun
slowly
I’ve a mind to be contagious
Color me bright.

Macrina Wiederkehr

waiting

The other day, I had a conversation with a friend. She is in a season of waiting; waiting for God to unfold the path in front of her. She is not struggling in the waiting but has made peace with it. This poem speaks to where she is in her journey.

Slowly,
she celebrated the sacrament of letting go
first she surrendered her green
then the orange, yellow and red
finally she let of her brown
shedding her last leaf
she stood empty and silent, stripped bare.
leaning against the winter sky
she began her vigil of trust.

Shedding her last leaf
she watched its journey to the ground.
she stood in silence
wearing the color of the emptiness,
her branches wondering:
how do you give shade with so much gone?
And then,
the sacrament of waiting began.
The sunrise and sunset watched with tenderness.
clothing her with silhouettes
they kept her hope alive.

They helped her understand that
her vulnerability
her dependence and need
her emptiness
her readiness to receive
were giving her a new kind of beauty.
Every morning and every evening
they stood in silence
and celebrated together
the sacrament of waiting!

Macrina Wiederkehr

Grace and peace,
Deb

trust

“Let go…just let go.”

Crazy J

Last week, I did something I have never done before. I did a canopy tour through the rainforest. For those of you who don’t know what that is, it is a zip line course.

I don’t consider myself a thrill seeker. I love land. I hate heights. But last year, we had signed up for a zip line course and I got a really bad case of sunburn and couldn’t go. So…all year, I had waited for the chance to do it. Well, my chance came a week ago Monday. I was so excited! And, I wasn’t at all nervous. At least not until they clipped the pulley to the cable the first time. I began to think, “What in the heck have I gotten myself into?” My heart began to pound and my palms began to sweat. I was scared.

The first line went over a river. I did not want to step off that platform but I did. I kept my eyes closed the whole time, right up until it was time to reach the other platform. When I did reach the platform, the guide told me to stand on my tiptoes so he could unhook my pulley. But, my knees were shaking so hard, I had trouble standing up.

As the course went on, I got more and more fearful. I found myself standing on platforms high in the trees, afraid to look down. I was, as I put it, sucking bark as I clung to the tree, waiting my turn to go. I was not enjoying myself at all. I had a mental conversation with myself, saying “I can’t do this.” But, there was no other way out of it so I had to go on. My hands were shaking so hard and I felt as if my heart would pound right out of my chest.

The last line was the longest. The only thing good about it was that it would soon be all over…or so I thought. As I looked at the people going ahead of me, I didn’t know how I was going to will myself to step off the platform. When it was my turn, the guide said “Are you ready?” I knew if I waited until I was ready, I’d die of old age, or starvation, up on that platform. I said, “No, I’m not ready but I don’t have a choice, do I?” I stepped off into thin air and down the line I went. I didn’t close my eyes but I didn’t look down. I remember saying, “Jesus, help me, Jesus help me.”

As I approached the last platform, I thought, “It is almost over”. But…not so fast. I stopped about 15 feet short of the platform. That meant fifteen short of having a place to put my feet, fifteen feet short of the guide, fifteen feet short of family, fifteen feet short of feeling like I might actually survive this insanity. The guide said, ‘Turn around. With my stomach doing flip flops, I slowly turned myself away from the platform. I cannot even begin to describe what dangling in midair felt like. He instructed me to reach up to the cable and grab it. Then I was to pull myself backward by grabbing the cable hand over hand. Slowly, I pulled myself to the platform. Then I heard the guide say “Let go…just let go.” I heard him, but I looked down and there was no platform beneath my feet. I stretched and tried to feel it but it wasn’t there. My feet dangled in the air and if I fell, it would be all over. I wouldn’t let go. I said “NO! I can’t find the platform!” Again, he asked me to let go and again I refused. Then, to make myself feel more secure, I turned toward him, without letting go of the cable and hooked my leg around one of his (talk about getting personal!). I was determined that if I fell, I wouldn’t die alone…. I was taking someone with me.

What he knew and I didn’t was that unless I let go of the cable, he couldn’t pull me the rest of the way in. I was the one keeping me out there, hanging in the air. Once I listened to him, trusted him and let go, he was able to pull me to the platform.

Once my heart beat slowed down and I had some time to regain my senses, I realized how this was a perfect example of my life with God. I hear God say, “Deb, let go…just let go.” But I look down and I don’t see the ground…I see thin air. I know he will catch me but I think I need to do it myself…or at least help him.

Is there a place in your life right now where God is asking you to let go? Where He is asking you to trust Him despite what you can see? Trust Him . . . and let go . . .just let go.

“When you have come to the edge of all light that you know and are about to drop off into the darkness of the unknown,faith is knowing one of two things will happen: there will be something solid to stand on or you will be taught to fly”

Patrick Overton

Grace and peace,
Deb

prayer

Prayer is the inner bath of love into which the soul plunges itself.

Saint John Vianney


Do you see prayer like this? Or do you see it as a list of things and concerns you need to talk to God about? A form of prayer is intercession and petition, but there is so much more to this intimate act we involve ourselves in. Prayer is our love language with our God.

Allow yourself to soak in God’s love today during a time of prayer.

Grace and peace,
Deb

director

“The great master of ceremonies may be at work behind the scenes but often the drama on center stage is chaotic, unrehearsed and confused.”

C.S. Lewis

Does this sometimes describe your life? It sometimes describes mine! Life can be crazy busy and feel like a freight train out of control. It is at times like that, I need to remind myself who the master of ceremonies really is. No matter what it looks like on the surface, God is working underneath it all. I need to continually remind myself of that fact and rest in it.

What is chaotic right now for you?

What part of your life is the unrehearsed part?

Where is the confusion?

Consider asking God to show a ‘behind the scenes’ glimpse of how He is working in the drama of your life.

Grace and peace,
Deb

family

After a wonderful, restful week away, I am home again. My husband’s mom took her children and their spouses on vacation. I had a very nice time and it was hard to leave the sunshine and the company of family.

Twenty six years ago, Jeff and I packed up our Subaru and a U-Haul with our children, our possessions , and our two dogs. We made the transition from living on a farm in Michigan to a new, unknown life in York, Pa. We left our home, our church and our extended family back in the Midwest.

We were only about an hour from family when we were living in Michigan but the move to Pennsylvania took us 8 hours from everyone we knew. It was a lonely first couple of years. As a young mom, with a five year old and a three year old, I felt alone. I missed our family and friends back home.

Living away from family all these years has been a sacrifice. Our children grew up without spending time with their cousins. We missed many family reunions and family holiday celebrations. There were things happening here that our extended family wasn’t a part of…the kids playing sports, first heartbreaks, numerous losses, wonderful celebrations. Now, my children have children and some of our family have never seen the twins or Brooke and Sam’s baby (this past week, Jeff’s family joked with me that maybe these babies don’t really exist…maybe we just made them up!)

But, something beautiful happens when we are together. It is as if we have never been apart. I loved the time we spent together. I had prayed, in the beginning of the week, that God would give me some time with each of my sister-in-laws to talk to them about how they were doing, how their kids were doing and I did get some precious time with each one of them.

I know families who don’t like to be with each other. What I have come home with is an appreciation of a family that does; a family that loves and accepts us even though we haven’t been a part of their ‘everyday’ life for many years.

It is a gift.

Grace and peace,
Deb

risk

Ok. Today I am going to do something I have thought about before but didn’t have the courage to do. It is a risk for me. And it includes you. Today I leave for a week’s vacation. I will be out if the country. Usually, if I do something like this, you don’t know because I am still writing. But…this time…I am really going on vacation. No blog for one week. It isn’t that I haven’t been gone before but I would write ahead and my daughter would post for me. But, she has found something a little more exciting and time consuming to tend to, (little Jem) so I don’t want to add one more thing to her busy life. I haven’t quite worked all the bugs out of the new blog which would allow for me to write ahead and the posts would then be posted automatically, so I will suspend the writing for one week.

You may be saying, “Big deal? What’s the risk?” The risk is that you will forget to come back and visit me after this week.

I have been to blogs before and there is will be a post written for three days and then . . . nothing. I go back and still nothing. Then I forget to go back. That is why I have tried to be faithful to writing everyday but Sundays. But, let me tell you . . .this blog is like being in a marriage! It is a real commitment! I can hardly believe that I have anything to say that people would want to hear. Although there are rarely ‘Comments’, I do get personal emails or verbal a ‘thank you’. Or someone will tell me that I must be looking into their life, into their heart because what I wrote that morning speaks to exactly where they are. God is amazing…and so I keep writing.

My prayer is that God will speak to you in a variety of ways during the next week and that He will give me fresh ideas and insights to come back to you with.

So, don’t forget. I will be back on the morning of Monday, Jan 21. See you then.

Grace and peace,
Deb

becoming

“This life therefore, is not righteousness, but growth in righteousness, not health but healing, not being but becoming, not rest but exercise. We are not yet what we shall be, but we are growing toward it; the process is not yet finished but is going on. This is not the end but it is the road; all does not yet gleam in glory but all is being purified.”

Martin Luther

Our walk with God is a process. I think that sometimes we get impatient with ourselves, with others, because we think we should have ‘arrived’ by now. Spend some time dissecting this quote today and consider:

Do you expect complete righteousness or do you know that you are growing in righteousness?

Do you expect complete mental and spiritual health or do you see that, day by day, you are healing?

Do you know that you are not yet who you will be but you are growing towards it?

This is a wonderful journey you are on. Everyday moves you closer to who God designed you to be, if you are aware and moving in concert with Him. Celebrate who you are ‘becoming.’

Grace and peace,
Deb

trust

“Trust God in all difficulty . . .the darkest places allow us to see more of his light.”

C.S. Lewis

When I am in the midst of a tough time, I certainly don’t think like this. My first thought usually isn’t “I am so thankful for this struggle ‘cause I know God is going to change me through it!” More than likely, I am trying to find a way out of it. I don’t like pain. I don’t like challenge. I like smooth sailing, easy going, peaceful living.

But as I look back over my life, the quote reveals the truth. God is in the middle of it all and I have seen His light shine brightly in those dark places. I would recognize it after the crisis had passed and I could look back on it with some objectivity. Now, it is getting easier to see Him while I’m in the center of the storm.

Are you going through a tough time? Can you take a moment, quiet yourself, and ask “Where can I sense Jesus in the middle of this? If you can’t ask Him to reveal that to you, ask Him to speak to you. Ask Him to allow you to see His light shine more clearly in the darkness.

Grace and peace,
Deb

cranky

Have you ever been in a great mood and then walked into a situation that, for some reason sets your teeth on edge and you find that you are ‘cranky’? It happened to me the other night. I know, I know…you find it SO hard to believe that I could ever be cranky but it does happen once or twice a year. :0)

I had a meeting at a restaurant with friends and when I got there, the ‘crank’ began. There was going be six of us. We were seated in one of those booths made for four. First crank. I’m not sure what’s wrong with me but I have this thing about booths in restaurants. I really don’t like those round– in- the-corner booths. I never know where to sit. If it’s only two of you, there is huge space between you. You end up looking at the side of someone’s head instead of at their face. I always ask them to take me to another booth. Then there are these four people booths where they think it is conformable to sit six people. (I’m sure about now you are wondering why you even visitied the blog today ‘cause this woman is just not right!)

Crank #2. The temperature. It was cold in this place…it’s always cold in this place. My fault though. I know it’s cold in this place and I should have dressed appropriately . . . in my long underwear . . . to go out for dinner. What is it with restaurants (and movie theaters)…sometimes I think it might be warmer to eat outside!

Crank # 3. No Splenda on the table. They have, they just don’t want you to know they have it. So you have to ask. Then they forget. So I have to go to my coat, which I need to hang on a peg across the room ‘cause there is no room for it to be in the booth with me (which by the way would have helped with the cold). . . and get my own personal stash. Then, they see my Splenda on the table and assume they already brought it.

Can you even believe I am writing about this stuff? It’s ridiculous. It is ridiculous that I would get bent out of shape but small things like this when there is so much more going on in the world. And the ironic thing is that this meeting was a ministry meeting! But, the reason I do write about it is that I bet you can identify. Maybe not with the booth thing, or the temp thing or the Splenda thing, but I bet you have your own thing. Can you think of one? We all have them. Those little petty things that set your mood. I can let those things take my joy completely or I can sit back, look at the situation, and laugh at how silly I can be over little irritations.

The bigger picture is that I need to guard my heart or I will be held captive by the little things. They can really reveal deeper issues. May you have a good booth, warm, Splenda kinda day!

Grace and peace,
Deb

grumpy

“The Scripture speaks of no real Christian who has an ugly, selfish, angry, and contentious spirit. Nothing can be more contradictory than a morose, hard, closed and spiteful Christian.”

Jonathan Edwards

I often think about this. I know how I seem to myself but how do I appear to others? I think I fear that this is one of my blind spots. I also do not want to give other people the impression that being a Christian is a dull, boring, spoil-sport kinda faith. ‘Cause it is just the opposite for me. It is wonderful, joy filled, fun, exhilarating and awesome.

Hopefully my demeanor shows that . . .no matter what circumstance I find myself in.

Do you think people see His joy in you? If someone watched your life, would be drawn to Jesus or say, “If that’s what being a Christian is like, I don’t want it”. Join me today, in being more aware of how we reflect Him in our daily life.

Grace and peace,
Deb

sabbath

enjoy your sabbath ~

homecoming

Today, my friend went home to be with God. She was an incredible woman who fought ten long years with cancer. The past two weeks have been filled with struggle, sadness, laughter, prayer, and peace. The past several days have been particularly hard as she entered the final stages of life.

For her, life has really just begun. She is free from all the restrictions this life holds. The restriction of her earthly body, the restriction so time and space, the restriction of disease and pain. She is home.

I had a discussion with her family. We talked about the fact that if we really knew what heaven was like, we wouldn’t fear death . . .we would welcome it. We cannot even imagine what she is experiencing right now. We’d be envious.


I shared this quote several months ago but I think it is beautiful and wanted to share it again.

“Death is not extinguishing the light; it is putting out the lamp because the dawn has come.”

Floyd Lotito

For my friend, the dawn has come. For me and for you, our lamps continue to burn because we are still in need of the light.

Grace and peace,
Deb

work

“The voice we should listen to most as we choose a vocation is the voice that we might think we should listen to least, and that is voice of our own gladness.”

Frederick Buechner

Are you doing something you enjoy for your vocation? Or do you dread going to work everyday? Believe me, I’ve had my share of those kinds of jobs. I would wake up with knots in my stomach because I dreaded going to work. For a while I worked in a position where I tried to help reunite families who had their children taken from them because of abuse or neglect. My primary client was the child and in almost all of the cases, the parents saw me, not as their advocate, but as their adversary. It was the best paying job I ever had when I was in social work but I was only there one year because there was so little joy in the work.

Then I worked for 4 ½ years as a therapist for adult survivors of sexual abuse and sexual assault. The work was very hard but I knew I was doing what God wanted me to do and in the midst of the pain, I saw healing and redemption.

All those positions gave me life experience that has culminated in doing, now, something that I truly love. I spend my days steeped in spiritual formation. I read, write, and develop curriculum, I sit with people and help them notice God’s work in their lives and I have the incredible privilege of leading retreats for women. I couldn’t have a more perfect job if I wrote the script myself. There are days when I ask myself why I get to do this work. In the past, I have thought that if I love what I am doing then I might be out of God’s will. But now, the contrary seems more likely to me.

I can find places in my journal about two years ago, where my prayer to God consisted of something like this…”God …you know me more intimately than anyone else. You know the gifts and abilities you have given me. You know my personality, my likes, my dislikes, my strengths, my weaknesses. Please show me the vocation or ministry where I can bloom…where I can fully live into who you made me to be.” And he did.

What unique gifts has He given you?

What strengths do you have?

Are you doing something you love?

Do you feel purpose in your work?

Do you ever have the sense that ‘this is what I was meant to do’?

Consider asking God to lead you to where you can thrive and others can benefit from the gifts He has given you. Consider what it would be like to be involving yourself in something you truly love, something you were meant to do. Journal about what it might be like to get up every morning and look forward to your work for the day….
Grace and peace,
Deb

trust

This resurrection life you received from God is not a timid, grave-tending life. It's adventurously expectant, greeting God with a childlike "What's next, Papa?"

Romans 8:15


I know I have read this verse before but yesterday I read it as if it were the first time. It so fits what I have experienced the past year. I know that life is filled with ups and downs, twists and turns, but instead of fearing the unknown, the future, I have come to a live in a state of expectancy. My line has been “Surprise me, God!” (but I love “What’s next Papa?”). I know that He has things in store for me but I have no idea how the pieces fit together. I always think I know but I am usually wrong. God is very creative in how He works out things in my life. I love feeling adventurous rather than fearful. I believe it comes from beginning to develop a deeper trust in Him.

Do you fear the future?

Do you have a need to know what’s next?

Do you feel like you need to help God?

What would it feel like to know He is in control…that He holds all of it? You may know it in your head but what if you knew that in your heart? How would your life be different? What would it feel like to say “What’s next, Papa?”

Ponder these questions as you live into your ‘resurrected’ life.

Grace and peace,
Deb

homesick

"In You"

I put my hope in You
I lay my life in palm of your hand
I'm constantly drawn to You Lord
In ways I cannot comprehend

It's the Creator calling the created
The Maker beckoning the made
The bride finding what she's always waited for
When we find ourselves that day

[CHORUS:]
In You where the hungry feast at the table
The blind frozen by colors in view
The lame will dance, They'll dance for they are able
And the weary find rest
Oh the weary find rest in You

It's no secret that we don't belong here
Those set apart by the grace of You
And we look for the day when we go to a place
Where the old becomes brand new

Mercy Me

I have spent time the past week by the bedside of a friend who is going through a serious illness. In fact, she has been struggling with this illness for nearly ten years but now it has grabbed hold of her and her reserves are failing fast.

It has made me reflect on the fact that this is not my home, it is not her home. It may be the only home we are aware of but it IS not how it was meant to be. I am homesick today. Although our human bodies are dying everyday, we all look for the day when we go to a place where the old becomes new, pain is a thing of the past and there are no more tears. Today is not that day.

Grace and peace,
Deb

happy new year!