the edge

“If we are called by God to holiness of life, and if holiness is beyond our natural power to achieve (which it certainly is) then it follows that God himself must give us the light, the strength, and the courage to fulfill the task he requires of us. He will certainly give us the grace we need.”

Thomas Merton

I have sensed God’s call, in the past for me to go somewhere (or many somewheres!) or to do something (like fly to those somewheres) that seemed way beyond my ability to do it. He invited me to go to the end of what I thought I could do so that I would need to lean on Him. As afraid as I was, I did it. And He did indeed meet me there and provide what I needed (maybe not what I wanted which was to be unconscious on the flight but definitely what I needed, like friends to hold my hand and tell me it would all be ok).

Then, about six years ago, I sensed His call into a new vocation. That one took me a bit longer to respond to because I couldn’t accept that He was really offering this to me. When I finally accepted it and began the work, it became more than I could have ever imagined.

Again, He is moving and inviting me to more. I now, again, stand at the edge of what I know and what I think I can do. I am being invited to step the off the edge and trust that He will hold me. I do not possess inordinate amounts of confidence, especially in areas I have not ventured into before. But, I believe this is all part of God’s plan for me. It means I have to trust Him to meet me and also to give me what I need to walk into what He is asking. It reminds me of who is God and who is not.

I am standing at the edge and waiting – though this time it is not to work up enough confidence to step off but waiting for Him to say “Now…” But this time, instead of biting my nails and saying to myself “You can’t really do this’, I am leaning toward the edge, hands open, looking and listening to my God to call for me into step off into the unknown, the surprise, the adventure.

What might God be calling you to? Are you listening? Do you trust Him to give you what you need when you need it? What would trust look like in this place? Take some time today and think on these things.
Grace and peace,
deb

presence

day has come.
night releases her hold on the earth
and allows light to illuminate the land.
and so every 24 hours, a day that has never been before.

a new beginning.
a fresh start.
a chance to be present.
a chance to be real.
a chance to be open.
a chance to be.

i take this for granted.
i forget.
i move and do without thinking, automatic.

may i not waste today.
may i be present.
may i be real.
may i be open.
may i be.


Deb
written 12.07

wait and listen

“Though not every impulse is divine guidance (by a long shot), and not every inner voice is God’s, ‘within’ is where we may find what we most need, away from the clatter and buzz of the marketplace and the media, away even from the many words that can drown out the still, small voice of the Spirit who speaks to those who have ears to hear. Much of the best prayer happens in waiting and listening. What comes in those times of prayer will have an element of precision and surprise one cannot quite reach if one fills the prayer space and prayer time with the busyness of thought.”
Marilyn Chandler McEntyre

Wait, listen and see what happens….

Grace and peace,
Deb

glorious ruins

“To be like Jesus means that we must enter the complexity of both dignity and depravity. We are made in the image of God – glorious. We have taken on Adam and Eve’s hiding and blaming – ruin. We are glorious ruins, bent glory. And it shows up in every moment of our existence until we one day see Jesus as he is and become pure as he is pure.”

Dan Allender

The photo above is of the ancient aqueduct at Caesarea, which is the city in Israel where Herod built his summer palace. The ruins in this city are spectacular. You have hints of what they once where even in their deteriorated state.

Glorious ruins. Bent glory. I love the picture that paints. It directly speaks to the dignity that is part of me by virtue of the fact that I am made in God’s image; that the Holy Spirit resides within me. And, it speaks to the depravity that is woven into my DNA as I share in the ripple effect of the Fall. Like the ruins at Caesarea, it reveals both the pure beauty that befits an image bearer of God, and the ravages of living outside of the Garden. Everyday, I am moving back and forth between these two states.

What complicates the whole thing? You are also living in this beautiful mess. All of our interactions will be a blend of both. I pray that , as I continue to grow in grace, more and more of my dignity will come through in my relationships.

You and I are a glorious ruins….we possess bent glory. I invite you to try and be more aware of that reality and to live into it more fully this week.

Grace and peace,
Deb

longings

“…have patience with everything unresolved in your heart and to try to love the questions themselves as if they were locked rooms or books written in a very foreign language. Don't search for the answers, which could not be given to you now, because you would not be able to live them. And the point is to live everything. Live the questions now. Perhaps then, someday far in the future, you will gradually, without even noticing it, live your way into the answer.”

Rainer Maria Rilke


I talked with someone who is searching for God. This is not someone who is new to spirituality but someone who has built her adult life around God. She is struggling with deep questions of faith. She is trying to make sense of how God works but things are not adding up. Considering that God is a God of mystery is not a comfort to her and hits up against her rational, intellectual approach to spirituality. She wants Him to be predictable and safe.

It was painful to hear her recount her story and where she is in this journey right now. On one hand, she talks of God as if He is a detached being who is not intricately involved in her life. But, she also expresses a deep desire to know God in an intimate way. She is filled with questions and they weigh heavy on her heart.

I left the time with her, burdened. It is nothing I can ‘fix’ or solve or answer for her…nor do I want to (several years ago, I would have felt compelled to help her see what I believe to be is true). I will simply hold her in prayer and trust that God will work in her life as He will. And know that the pain she is going through now can be used to strengthen her faith. I trust God is big enough to handle her questions and that He will allow himself to be found as she searches.

Do you have questions? Questions that you feel you can’t share because others might see that you are struggling with the mysteries of God? God can hold your questions. He can hold your doubts. He can hold all of it.

Live the questions now and perhaps, then, someday, you will, gradually without even noticing it, live your way into the answer.

Grace and Peace,
Deb

conflict

“How we treat others with whom we are in disagreement on any issue is a reflection of the state of our relationship with Jesus.”
Mary Albert Darling

Powerful statement isn’t it? Do you think it’s true? I do. But…do I live it out? Unfortunately, not always. It is easy to reflect Jesus when we are getting along. But, as soon as there is conflict, we power up, we defend, we accuse (if not to someone’s face, at least in our head), we don’t give them the benefit of the doubt, we look for other ammunition to support what we want to believe about that person, or even find others who will agree with us.
What would it look like to reflect Jesus in the midst of a conflict? Maybe it means being quiet because to speak would be to sin. Maybe it means we speak the truth in love. Maybe it means we try to see the conflict from the other person’s point of view because there is ALWAYS the possibility that they just might have a valid point.
In the middle of a conflict right now? Yes? You might want to ask Jesus how He would want you to respond. Not in the middle of a conflict? Well, don’t get too comfortable because you will be. That is one of the realities of being in relationship with each other. Before you react, take a breath and see what the Spirit might be saying to you.
Truly – how we handle conflict should be one of the things that sets us apart. Do people see that difference in me? Would people see that difference in you? Just asking……
Grace and peace,
Deb

healing

“To ask that Christ be with us is to ask not only for protection and reassurance, or even guidance, but also for a kind of awareness and accountability that can keep us at the edge of our comfort zone and in a place of radical vulnerability. The curious question Jesus asked the afflicted, “Do you want to be healed?” might also come to us with a similar note of challenge: Do you want my companionship? Are you ready for it? Can you rise to it? Will you trust it?”

Marilyn Chandler McEntyre

When I think of the times I cried out to Jesus to keep me safe, keep those I love safe, make the way easy, remove any obstacles, etc., I notice that I was looking for Him to make the journey safe and predictable. What I have come to know is that Jesus is anything but safe and predictable. He does not call me to ‘safe’ journey, an easy journey or a cookie cutter journey. He calls me to Himself and asks me to leave the rest up to Him.

What needs to come into my life to change me, to mold me to transform me? I don’t know…but He does. When I say I want more of Him does that really mean I want Him to do whatever He needs to do to allow me to become the person He desires me to be – or does it mean I want more of Him to see what He can do for me?

Do I want to be healed? Of course I will say yes when it comes to my physical state. But His question goes much deeper than that.

Do I want to be healed from my selfishness?
My greed?

My desire for comfort?

My desire to think myself better than someone else or my way better than another’s?

From the need for justice, from my point of view?

From my need to always be understood and accepted?

From my need to have esteem in another person’s eyes?

From my need to never be criticized?

From my need to think I am always right and the other person is always wrong?

From my need to judge?

From my need for validation?

From my need to hold onto resentments and grudges?

From my ‘rights’?

From my need to argue over issues?

From my need to have the last word?

From my need to keep up with the Jones’s?

From my need to be the one who gets overhead bin space?

From being the one who always has to be heard?

From my need to dismiss someone else too make myself feel better?

From my need to protect myself from really seeing the poor?

From my need to spend?

From my need to be recognized?

From my need to have my ideas recognized as mine?

From my desire for more of __________?

Am I REALLY asking to be healed from those things and so many more? To be honest, some days I say yes to that and some days I want to wallow.


Jesus – give me a desire to be taken to the edge of my comfort zone and live in radical vulnerability. Help me to know that you love me so much that you desire to heal that within me which is broken and that this healing goes much deeper than any physical ailment I might have. May I find myself living in such deep trust that I will surrender to your work in every area of my life. May I not be content with wallowing, which is so much less than what you have for me.

May it be so…everyday.

Grace and peace ~
Deb

seeds

I was reading recently and the author brought up the idea of different ‘seeds’ being within us. Seeds of love, integrity, peace, joy, surrender, calm, faith, hope, forgiveness, etc. Unfortunately, there are seeds within us of another variety….seeds of jealousy, competition, greed, hatred, impatience, judgment, criticism, suspicion, unforgiveness, etc. I have them, you have them (and if you think you don’t you don’t you may have the seed of ‘delusion’!)
The ones that grow are the ones we water. If I have been offended by someone, I can sit and mull it over and over in my mind and build a case for why I can hold it against them. I am watering the seed of ‘ego’. Or - If I have been offended by someone, I can take a breath, offer it to God and consider that they may have had a bad day or perhaps I misread the comment. Then I am watering the seed of peace.
I am convinced that the initial incident that sets of the sprinkler system in my soul is of much smaller significance than the fire hydrant I open to water the seed. It, usually, isn’t my first inclination to water the good seeds. It seems only after I notice a young plant growing, a variety that won’t produce good fruit or flowers but thorns and thistles, that I try to begin shutting off the water source. I do that by sitting with God, noticing what is happening inside of me and asking Him why I feel this way and what would it look like to water those good seeds. Slowly, I can choke off the life supply to those negative seeds and water the seeds that sow peace.
Watering some seeds today? Which ones?
Grace and peace ~
Deb

prayer

Christ be with me,
Christ within me,
Christ behind me,
Christ before me,
Christ beside me,
Christ to win me,
Christ to comfort and restore me,
Christ beneath me,
Christ above me,
Christ in quiet,
Christ in danger,
Christ in hearts of all that love me,
Christ in mouth of friend and stranger.

From an adaptation of a section of 'St. Patrick’s Breastplate' by Cecil Anderson and Charles Stanford.
Original prayer credited to St. Patrick, early 5th century.

die to live

“Many think that dying to themselves is what causes them so much pain. But it is actually part of them that still lives that causes the problem. Your imagination exaggerates how bad death will be. Let all that is not born of God within you die.”
Francois Fenelon

Why do we hang on so hard to what is not good for us, in us? Why do we fear what might be new and good?
I have been pondering this concept of ‘dying to self’. In the past, I have thought that meant dying to who I am, almost as if I would become a non-entity. I no longer believe that. I think it is dying to that part of myself that wants to be God. That is hard. But I no longer think it is dying to my personality, my core - because I am made in the image of God. That is good, perfect and beautiful. I want to choose to live to that part of who I am – live more fully into the part of me that reflects God and die to the part that doesn’t. Honestly, I cannot always tell the difference. But God can. And sitting with Him in silence, I offer up myself and ask Him to do the work in me that needs to be done.

What part of yourself are you resisting dying to? What part of yourself needs to live fully into who you were created to be? I invite you to spend some time today considering these questions.
Grace and peace,
Deb

wisdom

“In biblical terms, it is wisdom we need to live together in this world. Wisdom is not gained by knowing what is right. Wisdom is gained by practicing what is right, and noticing what happens when that practice succeeds and when it fails. Wise people do not have to be certain what they believe before they act. They are free to act, trusting that the practice itself will teach them what they need to know. “

Barbara Brown Taylor

It is a beautiful quote, isn’t it? Have you ever thought of wisdom like that? I haven’t. I must admit that I have thought of wisdom as knowing the right thing. But, when I read this quote, it is as if scales fell off my eyes! It makes perfects sense to me that wisdom is something that is gained by practice, not something I know…that is knowledge.

Have you ever known someone who was filled with knowledge, but seem to have no wisdom? Hmmmmm…..

And…I love the fact that she says that wise people don’t have to be certain what they believe before they act. If I know that God loves me and if I trust Him, then I can do my best to make wise choices - and if they turn out to be otherwise, I can know that He will teach me through the process. Nothing is wasted with God.

Today…may you walk in such a way that you are practicing wisdom.
Grace and peace,
Deb

spa for the soul - prayer

Oswald Chambers says;

"Intercession means raising ourselves up to the point of getting the mind of Christ regarding the person for whom we are praying…..When we lose site of God we become hard and dogmatic. We throw our petitions at His throne and dictate to Him what we want Him to do….”

There was always something inside me that struggled when I would hear someone teach that all we needed to do was name, in faith, what we want from God and claim it…have enough faith and it will happen. If what we pray for doesn’t come to pass, it’s because we had a lack of faith. I cannot tell you how many people I have seen hurt over the years by this teaching.

I always used to have a hard time when I would engage in intercessory prayer. I was never comfortable telling God how I thought things should be. Then I wondered if I was being ‘double-minded’ in my prayer life, exhibiting a lack of faith. Things just weren’t fitting together for me.

This quote from Chambers reflects how I have come to understand intercessory prayer in the past couple of years. When I pray for someone, I lift that person up to God and ask Him to tell me how He wants me to pray for them. If I don’t sense Him speaking, I just lift that individual up to Him…and leave my concern for them there.

If something is pressing deeply on my heart, I tell God what I’m feeling…I am honest with Him about what I would like to see happen, but I always say…” what I want more than what I want is what You want.” I do not think this is a prayer of unbelief. I am not praying this way because I ‘hedge my bets’ in case God doesn’t respond the way I want Him too. I pray this way because I believe my desire for God’s will over my own desires is a prayer close to God’s heart. That, I believe …is the essence of faith.

Grace and Peace,
Deb

solitude

“Our language has wisely sensed the two sides of being alone. It has created the word ‘loneliness’ to express the pain of being alone. And it has created the word ‘solitude’ to express the glory of being alone.”
Paul Tillich

Loneliness is epidemic in our world. We can feel lonely in a room full of people. We can feel so disconnected from others. We long for connection, for intimacy.

Solitude is rare in our world. It is a choice we make to create room in our spirits for God to dwell, to work. It is a place where we sit with God….a place to connect with Him and allow intimacy to develop.

Loneliness is inner emptiness.

Solitude is inner fulfillment.

Loneliness is pain.

Solitude is glory.

Loneliness is a place of hollowness.

Solitude is a place of formation.

I invite you to spend some time today in solitude, asking God to create a place of formation inside of you, where your relationship with him may deepen and grow.

Grace and Peace,
Deb

healing

Although the world is full of suffering, it is also full of the overcoming of it.
-- Helen Keller

This past weekend I was a witness to healing. It wasn’t in the aisle of a church…it was at a table at Olive Garden. Let me set the stage for you.

Over 25 years ago my parents’ marriage disintegrated. The reasons are many and complicated. The process of ending it was very messy. But end it did. And I found myself surprised at how impacted I was that my family of origin was no longer intact. No more summer trips home to spend with family, no more holiday celebrations, no mom and dad. I pondered how the future would look. How would we navigate birthdays, graduations, weddings and births trying to bridge the chasm that lay between them? That, my friends, turned out to not be a problem. In the past 25 years, my parents have never been in the same room together.

You would think that as an adult, with my own family, that this would not be such a big deal. But, I don’t care how old you are, or what the issues were, it is heartbreaking when your family is irretrievably broken. You now have no ‘home’ to go home to, you have to tell every story two times….you always need to send out two invitations and you need to navigate two completely different relationships. Add on the fact that they lived in different states on different sides of the country, you plan two different vacations in order to visit with them.

There is no ‘my mom and dad’….just ‘my mom’…..and…..’my dad’.
But, Friday afternoon, at 12:30, for the first time in 25 years, I had lunch with my ‘mom and dad’. I moved my mom here last year from Arizona. My dad was in visiting from Florida. I had talked to my dad about seeing my mom when he was here in York. He was open. I wasn’t sure until Friday whether or not my mom was coming. On top of how emotionally loaded this situation was she had hurt her knee pretty badly and was having great difficulty walking. She had the perfect excuse for not coming…but she did.

We had a lovely lunch, no wait… they had a lovely lunch, reminiscing and laughing. They talked about their life together – which I must admit, I had not thought about for years. Healing was happening right before my eyes. It was time of each of them seeing things through the others’ eyes, a time to lay down the weapons of words and the need to be right…a time of an unspoken “I am sorry” and “I forgive you”. Those words did not need to be said – the very act of showing up, breaking bread and having grace-filled conversation expressed sorrow, regret, forgiveness and the hope of moving forward.

To my parents – thank you for allowing me to witness the beauty of opening yourselves to healing, to restoration and to a new beginning. You have just given me the single best gift I could have ever been given…the restoration of my family, no matter where we live.

Hey – guess what I did Friday? I had lunch with my mom and dad. Praise God.
Grace and peace,
Deb

thank you

On your feet now—applaud GOD! Bring a gift of laughter,
sing yourselves into his presence.

Know this: GOD is God, and God, GOD.
He made us; we didn't make him.
We're his people, his well-tended sheep.

Enter with the password: "Thank you!"
Make yourselves at home, talking praise.
Thank him. Worship him.

For GOD is sheer beauty,
all-generous in love,
loyal always and ever.

Psalm 100

I invite you to begin this new day with gratitude to God for His love for you.

Grace and Peace,
Deb

reflecting

I have been having some conversations lately about how women uniquely reflect the image of God. Can you even imagine that? You are an image bearer of God. Everyone you come in contact with has an opportunity to see God’s glory in you…if you are allowing it to shine through and if they are looking for it.

Do you look for the reflection of God in others? I know I usually don’t. How much have I missed because I wasn’t consciously looking for it?

One of the challenges given to me this week is to think of several women in my life and ponder what part of God is reflected through them to me. I invite you to think of one or two women in your life. What part of God do they show you when you are with them? Take it one step further…consider sharing your thoughts with them. They may not even be aware of what, in them, speaks of God to others and it may be an incredible encouragement.

Grace and Peace,
Deb

gift

“Life is full of beauty. Notice it. Notice the bumble bee, the small child, and the smiling faces. Smell the rain, and feel the wind. Live your life to the fullest potential, and fight for your dreams.”

Ashley Smith

Awareness. It is a simple, but incredible gift. But it is the gift I always need to remind myself to open or it can sit on the shelf. If I don’t constantly remind myself to pay attention to all that is around me, I will miss it. I will just see it as old, ordinary life when it is anything but.

All of life is brimming with God. I just need to open my eyes and see it …lift the veil on my heart to become more present to the beauty that surrounds me….and speaks to me of God.

Take time today to notice the beauty. Open the gift.

Grace and Peace,
Deb

rest

And so, let me let you hold me
when I have come to the place
beyond the willingness to labor,
beyond anything but the longing for rest.
Let my emptiness be emptiness
till it reveals to me your face
and let my weariness be weariness
till it prompts me to your rest.
Then may I know the healing of the possibility
of dreams and take up my work again.

Jan Richardson


I just returned from a two day silent retreat. I cannot believe how much I slept. I didn't know how tired I really was. I realized that I don't often allow myself to rest. I need to let Him hold me…I need rest. Sometimes when I think I am at the end of my energy, if I take some time to rest (and not just sleep, but rest) I find that I have the energy to dream and take up my work again.

If you’re struggling with weariness…weariness because of doing good things…rest. Let Him hold you…and rest.

Grace and Peace,
Deb

spa for the soul - silence

“I surround myself with silence. The silence is within me, permeates me, my house, reaches beyond the surfaces of the outer walls and into the bordering woods. It is one silence, continuous from within me outward in all directions: above, beneath, forward, rearward, sideward. In the silence I listen, I watch, I sense, I attend, I observe. I require this silence. I search it out.”

Alice Koller

This is what I want for my life. My days are filled with deadlines and tasks. And I seem to add more to my plate without taking anything off. I need silence. I need it to slow me down, to quiet my inner critic, to help me pay attention to God’s still, small voice. I have found that silence is foundational to the well-being of my spiritual life…and that impacts my emotional and physical life.

If you are practicing silence, consider extending the time you spend. If you haven’t tried it, begin with three minutes. You can focus in on your breathing to keep all the other thoughts out of your mind. "In…and…out…in…and…out." Just allow yourself to ‘be’ in God’s presence, silently, for three minutes. It will be a gift you give to Him…and to yourself.

Grace and Peace,
Deb

paths

Years ago, when I consciously began my relationship with God, I was taught that there one way to nurture that relationship. There was this formula that I needed to follow. It consisted of spending time reading Scripture and then going through my prayer list. Once I was done with this activity (when I did it) I was on my way and going about my day without really thinking of God outside of making sure I made good decisions.

In the past couple of years I’ve discovered that there are other paths to nurturing my relationship with God. I learned that I could read just a verse or two and sit with it for a few days, reflecting on what God was saying to me through it. I could sit quietly with Him with no requests on my lips. When I began to get quiet, I could hear Him and see Him in conversations, in movies, in songs, in nature. I could see Him so many places if I took the time to pay attention and be aware.

I went from all verbal prayer to almost all non-verbal prayer….just taking time to be with God and raising concerns to Him as he raises them in me.

I went from a Type A, ‘life of the party’ personality to being much more comfortable being alone and being quiet. I feel like I can sense Him more easily and that He permeates every area of my life.

I love this new way of being with God. I am comfortable letting the old fall away. Not that it isn’t good or profitable but it isn’t how God is calling me to be with Him right now.

May you ask Him how He wants you to be with Him….may you be willing to try something different, a little out of your comfort zone if that is how He leads. May you discover the paths that God may be inviting you to. May you have a new sense of His presence.

Grace and peace,
Deb

shackled

“Forgiveness is the key that can unshackle us from a past that will not rest in the grave of things over and done with. As long as our minds are captive to the memory of having been wronged, they are not free to wish for reconciliation.”

Lewis B. Smedes

When my daughter was in Jr High, she liked this boy. They talked on the phone (because she wasn’t allowed to date until she was 16) and they would see each other at sporting events. One particular day we went to see him participate in an event. He had invited her to come. Then, in front of her, he got cozy with another girl. I was furious. In fact, I think I lost my mind for a few minutes. She and I went out to get in the car and I told her to wait while I went back into the school to look for this guy. Why? Well, I envisioned myself taking a hold of him and putting him up against the lockers and telling him that I didn’t appreciate him being disrespectful to my child. God was watching over me and him that night because I couldn’t find him.

What does this story have to do with forgiveness? I cannot tell you how long it was before I could think of that episode and not get worked up over what had happened. Years. I had been able to more easily forgive much greater offences but for some reason, this one was hard to let go. It would come to mind every time I heard a message, heard a song or read, about forgiveness. In fact, my daughter moved past it much more quickly than I did. That incident was a part of me for a long time…longer than I care to admit. Not that I would have ever even said anything to him if I had seen him but I held it in my heart.

Unforgiveness does shackle us to whoever hurt us. We chose to remain shackled to them and only through the key of forgiveness can we be free.

Consider who in your life, God might be calling you to forgive. It may be for a huge offense…it may be for a careless slight. But listen to what He is saying to you and ask Him for the power to forgive. Ask Him for the key to freedom from your past. Just ask…….

Grace and peace,
Deb

love

“Being loved by God is different. His love is unique in that it has nothing to do with me. God hasn’t chosen to love me because of things about me that he finds lovable. God’s love has everything to do with what’s true about God. It is God’s nature to love, and so God loves me naturally.”

Fil Anderson

Do you find this hard to believe? I know I do. Maybe it’s because so much of the love we experience here on earth has to do with our performance. So many times I feel I am more loved if I do a good job, if I produce, if I do things for other people. It is contrary to what I know and have experienced, to accept that God loves me just as I am and not because of anything I do for Him.

Several years ago, I began to wrestle with this idea. I don’t have it down yet but it is beginning to sink in.

Do you do things that you think will make God love you more? Are there things in your past that you think prevent God from loving you completely? Can you consider that you have a less than complete picture of God and of His character…and the way that He loves? He loves you right now with all the fullness that the God of the universe is capable of. There is nothing you can do to increase that love and thankfully, there is nothing you can do to decrease it either. Reflect on that thought for a few moments today. The love of God for you is incomprehensible. Simple. True. Beautiful.

Grace and Peace,
Deb