new creature

I had a conversation with a friend today. We talked about some really, really hard things in her past and how they are impacting her now. She has tried to just ‘forget it” and move on. But that never works in the long term.

I’ve had other friends who have struggled with similar issues. I think one of the hardest things is once one comes to Jesus they think He will take it all away…all the pain, all the memories, everything. I think it is that ‘new creature’ thing. Old creature yesterday, new creature today.

I know, from my own past experience, that continuing to carry pain from the past stole energy and joy from my life. It kept me from being who God wanted me to be. Obviously, I wanted God to just remove it, so I could get on with doing His will. What I realized was that there was beauty held within those ashes. I just couldn’t see it because I was so intent on pretending it wasn't there, pretending it wasn’t a problem for me. But my life circumstances would say something different. There was a lack of freedom, a lack of living life wholly.

I laid down my weapons and my armor and went in to counseling. I shared honestly about my childhood and I also shared about how I saw that past impacting my present and possibly, my future. It was a difficult process – like cleaning out a wound that had become infected, but the poison was coming out. And out in the open it wasn’t as toxic as it had been held inside. It lost its power over me and I found myself freed to become more of the woman, the wife and the mom God wanted me to be.

For those of you struggling with issues from the past, give yourself the gift of counseling to work through it. Jesus wants to meet you in the midst of your pain. He wants to show you that He can carry you through it…not around it but through it. It requires courage and trust. I invite you to experience that outrageous trust as you pursue new life…to discover that God is powerful enough to heal you…that you can be becoming a new creature through the process.

Grace and Peace,
Deb

dark places

Why must holy places be dark places?

C.S. Lewis

This quote speaks to the mystery of how God works in the midst of tough times. As I look back on my life, I grew the most in my faith when I went through dark times. One of the most significant was when my son was 3 years old. He got sick, very sick. And we weren’t sure what was wrong. It took over two weeks of hospital tests, 4 days in the intensive care unit, and poking and prodding by doctors to get a diagnosis. I had a six month old at home, that I was breastfeeding, who I was leaving at 6 am in the morning and returning to at 11 pm at night.

He was so sick that I wasn’t sure he would be coming home. I needed to be near the hospital he was in, which meant I was not home…I and my daughter were staying with my parents. I was separated from my church family, my husband was in another state working, and I remember feeling very alone.

I remember one night sitting at the bottom of my parents’ driveway in my car after a long day at the hospital. I was pounding my fists on the dashboard, yelling and telling God that if He wanted to get my attention, then do something to me and not to my toddler. I vented all my frustration and finally, went to the house and upstairs, to fall in to my old childhood bed. As I lay there waiting for sleep to overtake me, I realized that I had given everything over to God…everything except my children. When the reality of this hit me, I immediately asked God to forgive me. I thanked him for the privilege of having Mark for three years and said that if He wanted to take him, I released him (not that He needed my permission but I wanted Him to know that I was recognizing His sovereignty). I also remember asking for the grace that I would need should Mark die. I cried and cried but this time it was from release…even facing the possibility that I could lose him, I knew that I could rest in whatever God had in store for me.

That was a crucial lesson in my Christian walk…in learning to trust…trust whatever God had in store for me…trust that He could see me through.

Mark recovered and I am so thankful that I continue to have the privilege of parenting him. But, tough times still come into my life. Sometimes fear is still my first instinct but in time, I can look for God’s presence in the midst of the difficulty. And what a calming presence it is.

Are you going through a tough time? Are you gripped by fear of what the future holds? Do you find yourself questioning God and the plan He has for you? I invite you to spend some time today reflecting on the sovereignty of God…knowing that He holds you in the palm of His hand and that nothing can touch you that He cannot use for your good. May you sense His peace in a deep way today.
Grace and Peace,
Deb

plans

When the angel appeared to Mary to tell her that God wanted her to carry and bear His son, Mary’s reply was:

"I am the Lord's servant," Mary answered. "May it be to me as you have said."

Can you imagine a life so sold out to God that whatever He asked, whatever happened, you would say, “May it be to me as you have said.”

How many of us are sold out to God like that? I am thinking about the times when something came into my life I didn’t expect, and my first thought was why me? Why now? What’s next? This was not in my 4 year plan!

I doubt that having a child out of wedlock, bringing shame upon her family and her betrothed was in Mary’s 4 year plan. I think she dreamed of a typical Jewish engagement, a typical Jewish wedding ceremony, time with just her and her husband.

But, an angel comes to her and says that God has chosen her…that she will be impregnated by the Holy Spirit. Wow. I doubt my first impression would be to say…"As you wish". I think I would say, “Right now? Ummm, could I have a couple of days to think it over? You know, if we wait a few months, I’ll already be married and this could be a lot less messy. Or maybe you could fly over to my parents bedroom and then stop by Joseph’s house to fill them in on the plan. Wait….could you tell me how this will work out? I know you might not know, but you could sure ask the One who does. That way I could make an intelligent decision about whether or not to say yes.”

Yep…that sounds like something I would say to an angel.

But Mary? No. She trusted God. She said yes. She didn’t know how it would end, she couldn’t see that pain that was part of the plan. She just said yes.

I want to respond to God more like Mary. I want to welcome whatever He has for me, whatever the plan is.

I invite you to think about how you are responding to God. Are you holding back? Do you want to ask 20 questions? Or are you beginning to rest in His love and trusting what He wants for you? Share your thoughts with God today. Be honest with Him about how you desire to respond. Relax into His love.

Grace and Peace,
Deb

true love

I wonder what would happen if I truly believed that Jesus loved me without measure. You may think it strange that I would even think such a thought, but I have a reason. I know, intellectually that Jesus does love me beyond what I will ever be able to comprehend. But living in that truth, day in and day out, is a different matter. I am able to grasp it for fleeting moments, like holding water in my hands.

I think part of it is living in a fallen world. I don’t think I can ever fully understand the depth of His love for me because everything runs through my corrupted grid. Even though it has been renewed because of my love for God, it is still part of this broken world. Then there is the fact that I’ve never experienced a pure love. I have had the privilege of being love deeply by some of the people in my life but I have also been on the receiving end of manipulative and damaging “love” and so it is hard to have a vision of what God’s love for me really looks like.

I want to live into it….I want to rest completely in it. I try to think what would be different if I did. How would I treat others? How would I treat myself? How would I view difficulties and losses? How would I see my blessings?

I think I can start by allowing myself to think about this every morning. To say it to myself and to reflect on it…and to ask God to move it deeply into my heart. I think that is a prayer that He would love to answer.

Grace and Peace,
Deb

spa for the soul - journaling

The other day,a friend of mine allowed me to read her journal. Do you have any idea what a rare privilege that is? To have someone let you know about something they wrote in their journal is amazing, but for them to allow you to read their intimate thoughts with God is a beautiful and trustful act.

Although I won’t tell you what she wrote I do want to share with you how she wrote. She had something she wanted to share with God so she began a dialogue. She would write a line and then God would answer her. God would say something and my friend would respond. It was a rich and lovely communication between a woman and her Lord. It was deep and it was revealing. It made me want to come home and have a written conversation with Jesus.

If you’ve never tried journaling, I invite you to try it. It is a powerful way to learn more about yourself, more about you and your relationship with God and more about Him. If you already journal, take it to another level. Try having a conversation with Him…ask yourself…ask Him hard questions and don’t try to force the answers…just let them evolve. Invite God to speak to you through the pages of your journal.

Grace and Peace,
Deb

sabbath

No post today ~ enjoy your sabbath

love

“No account of Christian spirituality is complete if it fails to give a central place to love. God is love. He has poured this love into our hearts through the Holy Spirit (Romans 5:5). Offering us his love, he desires that we become like him - great lovers.”

David Benner

This is a hard quote for me. I use to think that the sign of a really spiritual person was how much scripture they had memorized. I am coming to believe the true sign of someone who loves Jesus and is devoted to him has less to do with what you know and everything to do with how you love. This is not good news for me. Why? Because I struggle with this.

It’s easy to love those I choose to love. Do you know what I mean? It is those people who I like. I am willing to give grace…I desire to work through things….I find a way because I want to maintain and grow these relationships.

But then there are people that are difficult for me to love…or even like. They may do things differently than I do, they may criticize, they may hurt people I love. When I begin to feel justified in my feelings about someone, I am brought back to what God calls me to and that is love. In fact, when I am in trying to make a decision between what I think I want to do or say and what I feel God wants me to do or say, I ask myself a question… “What would love do?” That makes it pretty simple. That doesn’t mean that there aren’t times when I need to say tough things to others or even put up some boundaries to protect my self and those I love from harmful people – but even in those times I need to do it in a way that honors God.

Do you have people in your life that you find hard to love? Do you think you’ve built up walls or justified reasons why it’s ok not to love? If so, I ask you to consider today what response God might be calling you to…consider asking the question – “What would love do?”

Grace and Peace,
Deb