vision

“When we connect with God’s vision everything looks different.”
Unknown

Several weeks ago, I and my friend, Lisa, had the privilege of visiting a spiritual formation center in Santa Rosa, California called the Journey Center. The director, Joanna Quintrell, was given a vision by God calling her to a work that is unique and deeply meaningful. She has a dedicated staff and an incredible group of volunteers who share her vision and her passion.
They work to provide a welcoming, open place where anyone seeking, exploring or desiring to practice their spirituality can come. Those who benefit from what the center offers come from a myriad of backgrounds and even more diverse spiritual paths. But all are seeking. The Journey Center is Christ-centered and that is evident in all that they do. Those who come, not sure of what to expect, are not met by theology but by love. And people are coming.
I admire Joanna. She has put it all on the line to pursue the calling God has laid on her life. She has a kind, unassuming manner and she is a gentle leader. No matter who we talked to, it was clear that Joanna has the respect and loyalty of those around her. They are not just following an amazing vision and ministry – they are following a leader they admire. Despite a full calendar and an injured knee, she generously took time out of her schedule to spend hours with us. She shared her story, answered questions and offered wise counsel.
It was a week filled with beautiful discoveries and the unexpected wonder of hearing God’s speak. Thank you, Joanna, and all the rest of the Journey Center folks, for sharing your time, your expertise, and your ministry with us. And thank you for your prayers for us as we continue to discern God’s leading in our own calling.

Grace and peace,
Deb
Check out the Journey Center at www.journeycenter.org

overflowing

Help me, O God,
To treasure all the words in the Scriptures,
but to treasure them only as they lead to You.
May the words be stepping stones in finding You,
and if I am to get lost at all in the search,
may it not be down a theological rabbit trail,
or in some briar patch of religious controversy.

If I am to get lost at all,
grant that it be in Your arms.
Help me to love You the way Mary did.
And may something of the spilling passion of her devotion, spill onto me.

Ken Gire


May you spend some time today reflecting on the love that spills from the Father onto you.

Grace and Peace,
Deb

beauty

Recently, I had a conversation with a friend who has gone through some really tough times in her life in the last 5 years. She found herself in a situation that changed her life dramatically. She watched her career fade away, her trust, her security. I am sure there were times when she thought she would never come out of dark tunnel she found herself in.

A couple of days ago she was shown, in a beautiful way, that she had come out on the other side of that dark tunnel. God had lead her through during times when she couldn’t see far enough to put on foot in front of the other, when she had no idea what the future held. In fact, He has given her a vision for how her pain can be turned in to something beautiful that will be a blessing to others in the future. I think of the verse in Proverbs…

”Weeping endures for a night but joy comes in the morning.”

Sometimes the night lasts a long, long time but God can redeem those things that would want to sink us….maybe not on our timetable but in His. He can bring beauty from the ashes. He can revive hearts and minds and lives.

To my friend…thank you for entrusting me with your incredible story. I can’t wait to see what the future holds for you as God continues to weave his beautiful plan into your life…as His story intersects with your story…and as you fly.

Deb

longings

Do you have those things that lie deep inside you that you desire? Longings? Are they so strong sometimes that you feel them physically? Do you push them down, afraid to admit them to yourself let alone to someone else?

Several years ago, I heard a Catholic sister tell this story:

She wanted to become a nun but she wasn’t sure that was God’s will or hers. She said that she had a dream. She knew that in this dream, she was seeking wise counsel to help her make this decision. During the course of the dream she saw three people who she considered to be wise but for some reason, she didn’t present her dilemma to them. She then saw a little boy and felt compelled to ask him what to do. She said “Should I be a sister?” He looked at her, thought for a moment and said “ Well...do you wanna?”

She knew at that moment, that her deepest longing was placed in her by God. Why do we, so many times, think that if it's something we desire, it can’t possibly be of God? We tend to think that if he wants us to do it, we will find it difficult or distasteful. The answer contained in the dream speaks of the beautiful simplicity of God and how complicated we often want to make things.

Of course we want to be wise and make sure that our desires are in line with the Word, and with what we know about God’s character. But how comforting is it to think that the deepest desires of our heart are, most likely, placed there by God and he may be waiting for us to move into them?

I invite you to take time today and write down, on paper, some of your deepest desires. Don’t be afraid to name them and then offer them up to God and ask him to show you what the next step may be. Just acknowledging that they are there is a huge first step.

Grace and peace,
Deb

spa for the soul - love

Please take some time and reflect on the words of this song. It is simply beautiful.

"Your Love Is Extravagant"


Your love is extravagant
Your friendship, it is intimate
I feel like moving to the rhythm of Your grace
Your fragrance is intoxicating in our secret place
Your love is extravagant

Spread wide in the arms of Christ is the love that covers sin
No greater love have I ever known You considered me a friend
Capture my heart again

Spread wide in the arms of Christ is the love that covers sin
No greater love have I ever known; You considered me a friend

Capture my heart again
Your love is extravagant
Your friendship, it is intimate

Casting Crowns

Consider taking some time to write a letter to God expressing how you feel about the love He has poured out on you........


Grace and Peace,
Deb

trust

St Ignatius of Loyola notes that sin is unwillingness to trust that what God wants is our deepest happiness. Until I am absolutely convinced of this I will do everything I can to keep my hands on the controls of my life, because I think I know better than God what I need for my fulfillment.

David Benner


Wow….that says a lot to me. Unfortunately, it’s true. Anytime I can think of where I have ‘done it my way’, it is because I don’t fully trust God to do it ‘right.’ Of course I will give him lip service….I’ll say I trust him but one needs look no further than my latest manipulation of things to see that I doubt. I don’t doubt his ability to do it…just that he would do it for me….or that he will do in time (that would be my timetable of course!).

I may seem like I am being hard on myself. And, I have seen improvements. But I know the depth of the shadows in my heart. I know what I am capable of. I know that it is only because of God’s intervention in my life that I am able to yield to him and slowly learn to trust.

This trust is something I want to know deep down in my soul…not just in my head. I want to trust him with everything, not just the things that are easy or convenient. Thankfully, God is very patient with me and knows that I want to trust completely in him.

Where are you in your journey of trusting God? Are you like me, taking things into your own hands when you think he won’t come through for you or you think he is not working fast enough? I invite you to reflect on your level of trust with God and consider, if, like me, you need to become more aware of how much he loves you, of how much he wants your deepest happiness and then, perhaps, you can allow him to have more and more of the control.

Grace and Peace,
Deb

the ocean

Ok…now to my ‘mud pies’. What do I settle for?

Small love….I don’t love as fully I could. Fear of rejection, getting hurt, being left….all keep me from loving fully. I allow these fears to keep me playing in the mud pie of inadequately loving.

Little trust…if I truly trusted I would never fear what tomorrow might bring. But I am concerned, at times, about the future. I know, intellectually, that God holds the future but I often live as if I don’t.

Playing it small…if I truly believed that God loved me and speaks clearly to me, I would run to what it is I feel he has called me to. But I move into it hesitantly, afraid it won’t happen instead of walking fully into it.

Sleepwalking….the beauty of God is all around me but most of the time I sleepwalk through it, settling for an occasional glimpse instead of being intentional about looking for it.

Busyness…I fool myself by thinking my ‘busyness’ measures my impact. God cares about people not tasks…relationships not projects.

Talking….I sit in the mud pie of talking when God has an ocean of listening that would be much more enriching to me.

Risk….I’ve gotten a bit better at this over the years, conquering, with God’s help, a fear of flying, which enabled me to travel all over the world, even alone at times. But, I still live life on the safe side. I want to live a life of adventure.


Fear of death…I am so tied to this life that I fear leaving it. I truly am playing in the mud pie when the beautiful, immense ocean of heaven is right on the other side.

I think you get the idea. I often live my life making mud pies because I can’t envision what being at the seaside would be like. What are your mud pies? I encourage you to take some time today to think about this…what keeps you from seeing the extravagant life God meant for you to have??

Lord, let me always be looking on the horizon for the ocean and let me run to it.

Grace and Peace,
Deb

mud pies

"Indeed if we consider the unblushing promise of reward and the staggering nature of the rewards promised in the Gospels, it would seem that our Lord finds our desires not too strong, but too weak. We are half-hearted creatures like an ignorant child who wants to go on making mud pies in a slum because he cannot imagine what is meant by the offer of a holiday at the sea. We are far too easily pleased."

C.S. Lewis


I invite you to take some time today and sit with this quote. Where are the places in your life where you have become content playing with mud pies because you are unable to imagine the ocean that awaits you? What have you settled for?

Tomorrow I will share some of my mud pies.

Grace and Peace,
Deb

relax

Tomorrow is the Sabbath…a day of rest. But for most of us, Sunday is a day to catch up on everything we don’t get done throughout the week.

God didn’t design us to run seven days a week. We are finite beings and we have limited energy. But you couldn't tell that by looking at us! We don’t like to admit that we are tired, that we need rest, that it might be good for us to relax. What is productive about that?

I fall victim to this mentality too. To take time to read for pleasure always brings me some level of guilt. If I am going to take the time to read, it should be something that pertains to my work or my ministry. Reading fiction? How will that benefit the world? Or watching a movie, listening to music, taking a walk?


But, that is my faulty thinking. God is present in relaxation the same way he is present in work. He made me and he knows it isn’t good for me to keep going without resting. I seem to be the one doesn’t know it. And, I bet you suffer from the same malady.

Rest is a gift from God…a gift that we don’t exercise enough. We think that sleeping covers it but our mind needs to rest in its ‘awake’ state. We need to learn how to play and rest as well as work.

Tomorrow is Sunday. You can practice sabbath time any day but perhaps it would be a nice start to plan some time tomorrow as ‘sabbath’ time. Relax…..the world will go on.


Grace and Peace,
Deb

control

St Ignatius of Loyola notes that sin is unwillingness to trust that what God wants is our deepest happiness. Until I am absolutely convinced of this I will do everything I can to keep my hands on the controls of my life, because I think I know better than God what I need for my fulfillment.

David Benner


Wow….that says a lot to me. Unfortunately, it’s true. Anytime I can think of where I have ‘done it my way’, it is because I don’t fully trust God to do it ‘right.’ Of course I will give him lip service….I’ll say I trust him but one needs look no further than my latest manipulation of things to see that I doubt. I don’t doubt his ability to do it…just that he would do it for me….or that he will do in time (that would be my timetable of course!).

I may seem like I am being hard on myself. And, I have seen improvements. But I know the depth of shadows in my heart. I know what I am capable of. I know that it is only because of God’s intervention in my life that I am able to yield to him and slowly learn to trust.

This trust is something I want to know deep down in my soul…not just in my head. I want to trust him with everything, not just the things that are easy or convenient. Thankfully, God is very patient with me and knows that I want to trust completely in him.

Where are you in your journey of trusting God? Are you like me, taking things into your own hands when you think he won’t come through for you or you think he is not working fast enough? I invite you to assess your level of trust with God and consider, if, like me, you may want to be more aware of how much he loves you, how much he wants your deepest happiness and then allow him to have more and more of the control.

Grace and Peace,
Deb

love letter

“Just as you do not analyze the words of someone you love, but accept them as they are said to you, accept the Word of Scripture and ponder it in your heart.”

Dietrich Bonhoeffer

Scripture can often be treated as a textbook. We approach it as if we are studying for a test. How many facts and figures can we cram into our heads? We think the more we know about God, the more we know God.

How much different would it be if you approach Scripture like a love letter? If you spent time preparing your heart and spirit to hear what God wanted to say directly to you? If you looked at verses as words written to you from God?

I invite you to read the Scriptures slowly, taking smaller portions at one sitting. Pay attention to what stirs your heart. Then stay with it, ponder it, write about it, ask questions as to why it moved you. Allow the Holy Spirit to speak to you about it and tell you what He wants you to know.

Begin to see Scripture as a love letter from God to you and then take time to ponder its meaning, as an act of love back to Him.

Grace and peace,
Deb

discovery

I spent time in therapy some 20 years ago. My life was falling apart. I was too involved in ministry, not understanding how some past experiences were impacting my present life, and struggling in my marriage. Counseling was a painful process but one of the most beneficial things I ever did. I saw counseling as “working” on myself so that I could become more of who I was meant to be.

Then, a couple of years ago, I read something that made me think of it differently. The author said that we don’t become more of who we were meant to be….but we discover who is already there. That may sound like splitting hairs but it was an important distinction for me.

It meant that I was not ‘growing’ into who God had made me to be. I was always that person…it was just covered by all this stuff. My therapy, not to mention the emotional work I do now, is a discovery process. How did God design me? Who did He create me to be? How has the Fall impacted me? How have my perceptions of the world and of myself been warped by the entrance of sin into the world…into my world?

Who I am, under all the trappings of living in this world, is who God created me to be. I cannot be ‘more’ of that person…but I can discover parts of her that I didn’t know were there. I hope this self-discovery of who I am in God’s image continues until I am standing in His presence.

Today, consider who you are in Him. Reflect on how He made you and your journey of ‘discovery’ of who that is. If there are huge things in the way that you cannot move through yourself, consider getting the help you need to discover as much as you can.

Grace and Peace,
Deb

nature

GOD, brilliant Lord, yours is a household name.

Nursing infants gurgle choruses about you;
toddlers shout the songs
That drown out enemy talk,
and silence atheist babble.

I look up at your macro-skies, dark and enormous,
your handmade sky-jewelry,
Moon and stars mounted in their settings.
Then I look at my micro-self and wonder,
Why do you bother with us?
Why take a second look our way?

Yet we've so narrowly missed being gods,
bright with Eden's dawn light.
You put us in charge of your handcrafted world,
repeated to us your Genesis-charge,
Made us lords of sheep and cattle,
even animals out in the wild,
Birds flying and fish swimming,
whales singing in the ocean deeps.

GOD, brilliant Lord,
your name echoes around the world.

Psalm 8


I invite you to spend a few minutes meditating on this psalm. What arises out of the text? What grabs your heart? What resonates with you? Spend some time reflecting on its meaning for you and lift a prayer to God in response.

Grace and Peace,
Deb

time out

Today I had a wonderful talk with a friend. She said that God has her at a place in her life where he wants her to rest, to wait. He has told her there are only a couple of things she may do, but there are other things…good things, that He doesn’t want her to do right now. It is hard for her to sit back and not ‘do’. She is used to being very busy. But she believes that God just wants her to rest in His love, that He is having her rest so He can do work in her that will prepare her for what He has for her in the future.

We joked about how God has her sitting in the ‘timeout’ chair (not to be confused with the ‘naughty chair’!). “Time out’ is allowing her to rejuvenate, to regain her footing. It is allowing her to gain perspective and she is learning to wait…to wait for God to tell her it is time to move. It is not the most comfortable place she has been but she knows she is right where she needs to be.

Is God calling you to spend time in the ‘time out’ chair? Is He ushering you into a place of rest, a time of listening? Are you cooperating or are you kicking and screaming the whole way? Once you sit down and rest, you will find that you like it. Slow down and take a seat.

Grace and Peace,
Deb

spa for the soul - prayer

Prayer can be practiced in many different ways. Today I want to talk about “body prayer”. How can you use your body as prayer? Have you ever considered using a different posture than you are used too? Many of us sit, with our heads bowed and our hands folded. What if you raised your head and looked toward heaven? Or got on your knees….or laid prostate on the floor before Him? One friend told me she felt a desire to be on her knees before God. She had pushed it away and when the desire persisted she decided to do it in her home during her prayer time. It opened up a new beautiful way for her to connect with God.

Another way you can practice body prayer is to sit with your hands open, palms down as you begin to pray. This can signify letting go of anything you are carrying…troubles, problems, things that may be between you and God. Sit with God and envision all of those things falling from your hands. Then, turn your palms right side up and sit offering yourself to God, surrendering and abandoning yourself to Him. Your hands may represent an openness to whatever He has for you.

Sometimes using our body in a more intentional way with prayer can bring us more fully into God’s presence. Most importantly, sit with God and ask Him how He wants you to be with Him….how might He be calling you into prayer. If you sense Him inviting you to prayer with your body, consider trying it. It may open up a new experience between you and God.

Peace,
Deb

jars of clay

If you only look at us, you might well miss the brightness. We carry this precious Message around in the unadorned clay pots of our ordinary lives. That's to prevent anyone from confusing God's incomparable power with us.

2 Corinthians 4:7

I love this verse. In the New Living Translation, we are called ‘jars of clay’.

When you first meet me, you may not immediately notice it. I am just a ‘jar of clay’. Hopefully, after some time, you would notice something different, something you might be drawn to. That would be Him. I would be an ordinary container if it weren’t for one thing…the light of Christ I carry with me. That light illuminates my life and makes the ordinary extraordinary.

But, I need to pay attention…I need to be looking and see where God is evident in the ordinary parts of my day and notice Him in the lives of those around me.

I invite you today, to pay attention to how you carry Christ in your ‘jar of clay’ life. Be looking for Him in the lives of those around you. How do they reflect God in their lives? Just notice.

Grace and Peace,
Deb

dark water

Several years ago, my husband and I went to Puerto Vallarta with family. One of the things they wanted to do was to go snorkeling. I had never been snorkeling before. I had seen it on TV….beautiful, warm, blue-green waters through which you could see to the bottom, vibrant colored fish of every shape, size and hue, a window into a world I had only seen on Animal Planet. We boarded a catamaran and off we went. We got further and further away from shore. I looked over the side of the boat and saw dark blue dense-looking water. I thought to myself that they must be taking us to the "beautiful, warm, blue green water through which you could see to the bottom".

Several miles out we approached an outcropping of large rooks jutting out of the ocean. We dropped anchor and the boat captain said this was the place. I thought “The place for what?” Lunch? Because there was no beautiful, warm, blue-green waters through which you could see anything!!! Only dark, menacing, rough water that was …gasp…COLD! If there is anything I dislike more than dark, menacing, rough water…it’s COLD, dark, menacing, rough water. I wanted to go back to the hotel and lay in the sun. But, I wasn’t there, I was here. And my pride wouldn’t let me stay behind on the boat.

So, I suited up and in I went. After I working to catch my breath which had been sucked out of me by the COLD, I tried putting my face in the water. Big mistake. The rough waters went over my snorkel and then I really had to try and catch my breath! And, much to my disappointment, I couldn’t see more than a foot down into the water, which meant I was only seeing more dark water. They had told us there would be opportunity to see fish near the rocks, so in a ‘can-do’ way, I began to swim to the rocks. About 50 feet from the boat, I felt an intense burning in my leg. I was trying to figure out what it was, when it happened again. I finally realized I was being stung by a jellyfish! I couldn’t see anything because…well, you know why, and all I wanted to do was get back on that boat so I started swimming back. It was a very scary few minutes as I tried to get back to safety. The jellyfish continued to sting me and I was trying not to panic.

Why have I shared this story with you? I think because it reminds me of life sometimes. I can often feel as if I’m in dark, deep water and I am totally out of control. I have felt like something from the deep is coming up to harm me. As I feel panic rising, I try to go towards what I know to be safe.

What I want is to know that I am ok in the midst of the deep, dark water. I want to know that God is control when the waves kick up. I want to know He is still holding me when the ‘stings’ in life come my way. I ‘know’ that all of this is true but sometimes I forget. I don’t want to forget.

Are you swimming in dark waters? Are you fearful of what lies beneath the surface? Life oftens brings dark, cold waters and holds things that frighten and sting us. But, in the midst of the fear, remember that He loves you more than you can possibly imagine and He, ultimately, holds you and all that you experience.

Grace and Peace,
Deb

body

You made all the delicate, inner parts of my body
and knit me together in my mother’s womb.
Thank you for making me so wonderfully complex!
Your workmanship is marvelous—how well I know it.

Psalm 139:13-14 NLT


How beautiful are these verses! But how hard for us, as women, to believe. It is difficult for me to say that His workmanship is marvelous, especially when I think of my own body. It is rare that I am thrilled with my body. I spend too much time thinking about my flaws, about all the things I wish were different.

It is rare that I am grateful for my body...for the legs that take me up and down stairs. It is rare that I am thankful for my arms that allow me to lift my grandchildren to my face so I can kiss them. It is rare that I am thankful for my back which still bends and twists so I can exercise. Is it perfect? No…especially if you judge it by the world’s standards. But when I allow myself time to think of how complex, how intricate, how incredible the human body is, my body is, I am amazed.

I need to remind myself that God made my body. I need to be mindful of all the things it does for me and what it allows me to do. I need to focus less on what doesn’t ‘look’ the way I want it to but focus on how wonderfully it works. My measuring stick needs to be God's standard and not "Barbie's" standard.

Today, take a few moments to thank God for the wonderful way you are designed and for the unique way He created you. Be gentle with yourself…show love and gratitude for your body. Treat it with dignity because you are truly made in the image of God.

Peace,
Deb

jar of clay

If you only look at us, you might well miss the brightness. We carry this precious Message around in the unadorned clay pots of our ordinary lives. That's to prevent anyone from confusing God's incomparable power with us.

2 Corinthians 4:7

I love this verse. In the New Living Translation, we are called ‘jars of clay’.

When you first meet me, you may not immediately notice it. I am just a ‘jar of clay’. Hopefully, after some time, you would notice something different, something you might be drawn to. That would be Him. I would be an ordinary container if it weren’t for one thing…the light of Christ I carry with me. That light illuminates my life and makes the ordinary extraordinary.

But, I need to pay attention…I need to be looking and see where God is evident in the ordinary parts of my day and notice Him in the lives of those around me.

I invite you today, to pay attention to how you carry Christ in your ‘jar of clay’ life. Be looking for Him in the lives of those around you. How do they reflect God in their lives? Just notice.

Grace and Peace,
Deb

out of focus

This picture represents how I often see the hand of God. It is out of focus. It’s there but I am unable to see it clearly. It’s like I need ‘spiritual glasses’ so that I can bring things in to focus.

My ‘spiritual glasses’ come in the form of silence and solitude. When I sit quietly before God I can begin to sense His presence more acutely, I can see where He is and what He is doing in my life with more clarity. If, for a period of time, I neglect my need for this discipline, things begin to get out of focus. It doesn’t mean they aren’t there…it’s just that my ability to see them is hindered.

Today, I invite you to take some time to consider how God may be calling you to see Him more clearly. Perhaps that means sitting quietly. Perhaps it means being out in nature…or hearing Him in a piece of music, seeing Him in a piece of art.

Take some time to discover how He is inviting you to “be”.

Grace and Peace
Deb

everywhere

God is everywhere. Nature is saturated with Him. He surrounds us every moment. He is more real than the breath we breathe. Look for him today wherever you find yourself. Be aware...be present.

God Bless,
Deb

gratitude

It’s a brand new day. It’s a chance to thank God for drawing breath. It’s a chance to do it differently. It’s a chance to walk gently in the world and pay attention to the beauty that surrounds me. It’s a chance to love more fully, to forgive more honestly and to seek God more deeply.

May you appreciate this new day. May you feel gratitude for what you have and who you are…and that the Creator of the universe takes notice of you and loves you extravagantly.

Blessings,
Deb

metamorphosis

I had a conversation with a friend recently. We talked about some really, really hard things in her past and how they are impacting her now. She has tried to just ‘forget it” and move on. But that never works in the long term.

I’ve had other friends who have struggled with similar issues. I think one of the hardest things is once one comes to Jesus they think He will take it all away…all the pain, all the memories, everything. I think it is that ‘new creature’ thing. Old creature yesterday, new creature today.

I know, from my own past experience, that continuing to carry pain from the past stole energy and joy from my life. It kept me from being who God wanted me to be. Obviously, I wanted God to just remove it, so I could get on with doing His will. What I realized was that there was beauty held within those ashes. I just couldn’t see it because I was so intent on pretending it wasn't there, pretending it wasn’t a problem for me. But my life circumstances would say something different. There was a lack of freedom, a lack of living life wholly.

I laid down my weapons and my armor and went in to counseling. I shared honestly about my pain, my issues and about how I saw the past impacting my present and possibly, my future. It was a difficult process – like cleaning out a wound that had become infected, but the poison was coming out. And out in the open it wasn’t as toxic as it had been held inside. It lost its power over me and I found myself freed to become more of the woman, the wife and the mom God wanted me to be.

For those of you struggling with issues from the past, give yourself the gift of counseling to work through it. Jesus wants to meet you in the midst of your pain. He wants to show you that He can carry you through it…not around it but through it. It requires courage and trust. I invite you to experience that outrageous trust as you pursue new life…to discover that God is powerful enough to heal you…that you can be becoming a new creature through the process.

Grace and Peace,
Deb

darkness

Why must holy places be dark places?

C.S. Lewis

This quote speaks to the mystery of how God works in the midst of tough times. As I look back on my life, I grew the most in my faith when I went through dark times. One of the most significant was when my son was 3 years old. He got sick, very sick. And we weren’t sure what was wrong. It took over two weeks of hospital tests, 4 days in the intensive care unit, and poking and prodding by doctors to get a diagnosis. I had a six month old at home, that I was breastfeeding, who I was leaving at 6 am in the morning and returning to at 11 pm at night.

He was so sick that I wasn’t sure he would be coming home. I needed to be near the hospital he was in, which meant I was not home…I and my daughter were staying with my parents. I was separated from my church family, my husband was in another state working, and I remember feeling very alone.

I remember one night sitting at the bottom of my parents’ driveway in my car after a long day at the hospital. I was pounding my fists on the dashboard, yelling and telling God that if He wanted to get my attention, then do something to me and not to my toddler. I vented all my frustration and finally, went to the house and upstairs, to fall in to my old childhood bed. As I lay there waiting for sleep to overtake me, I realized that I had given everything over to God…everything except my children. When the reality of this hit me, I immediately asked God to forgive me. I thanked him for the privilege of having Mark for three years and said that if He wanted to take him, I released him (not that He needed my permission but I wanted Him to know that I was recognizing His sovereignty). I also remember asking for the grace that I would need should Mark die. I cried and cried but this time it was from release…even facing the possibility that I could lose him, I knew that I could rest in whatever God had in store for me.

That was a crucial lesson in my Christian walk…in learning to trust…trust whatever God had in store for me…trust that He could see me through.

Mark recovered and I am so thankful that I continue to have the privilege of parenting him. But, tough times still come into my life. Sometimes fear is still my first instinct but in time, I can look for God’s presence in the midst of the difficulty. And what a calming presence it is.

Are you going through a tough time? Are you gripped by fear of what the future holds? Do you find yourself questioning God and the plan He has for you? I invite you to spend some time today reflecting on the sovereignty of God…knowing that He holds you in the palm of His hand and that nothing can touch you that He cannot use. May you sense His peace in a deep way today.
Grace and Peace,
Deb

plans

When the angel appeared to Mary to tell her that God wanted her to carry and bear His son, Mary’s reply was:

"I am the Lord's servant," Mary answered. "May it be to me as you have said."

Can you imagine a life so sold out to God that whatever He asked, whatever happened, you would say, “May it be to me as you have said.”

How many of us are sold out to God like that? I am thinking about the times when something came into my life I didn’t expect, and my first thought was why me? Why now? What’s next? This was not in my 4 year plan!

I doubt that having a child out of wedlock, bringing shame upon her family and her betrothed was in Mary’s 4 year plan. I think she dreamed of a typical Jewish engagement, a typical Jewish wedding ceremony, time with just her and her husband.

But, an angel comes to her and says that God has chosen her…that she will be impregnated by the Holy Spirit. Wow. I doubt my first impression would be to say…"As you wish". I think I would say, “Right now? Ummm, could I have a couple of days to think it over? You know, if we wait a few months, I’ll already be married and this could be a lot less messy. Or maybe you could fly over to my parents bedroom and then stop by Joseph’s house to fill them in on the plan. Wait….could you tell me how this will work out? I know you might not know, but you could sure ask the One who does. That way I could make an intelligent decision about whether or not to say yes.”

Yep…that sounds like something I would say to an angel.

But Mary? No. She trusted God. She said yes. She didn’t know how it would end, she couldn’t see the pain that was part of the plan. She just said yes.

I want to respond to God more like Mary. I want to welcome whatever He has for me, whatever the plan is.

I invite you to think about how you are responding to God. Are you holding back? Do you want to ask 20 questions? Or are you beginning to rest in His love and trust what He wants for you? Share your thoughts with God today. Be honest with Him about how you desire to respond to Him. Relax into His love.

Grace and Peace,
Deb