evaluation

Today is New Year’s Eve. It is the time for resolutions. Time to reflect on the past and to plan for the future. Usually, we think about things like our weight, or maybe our spending habits. How often do we think about our relationship with God? If, come next January one, I am in the same place with God that I am this year, that would not be a good thing. I don’t think my relationship with Him is static. I think it always changing…either moving closer to Him or moving further away. I don’t want to be further away. So, in the same way I need to monitor my food intake or my money output, I need to be intentional about my relationship with Jesus. I need to set time aside to be with Him. I need to be looking for Him throughout the day in the things and circumstances that make up ordinary life. I need to surrender my agenda, my wants, my desires to Him and wait expectantly to see how He will move.

Consider taking some time today or tomorrow reflecting on what you would like your relationship to be and what you might do to nurture it. I invite you to then write a letter to God letting Him know what those desires are and asking Him to reveal to you some new ways you might be with Him.

Grace and peace,
Deb

identity

“The stickers will only stick to you if they matter to you. The more you trust in my love, the less you care about the stickers…”

Eli

Several weeks ago, I heard the beautiful children’s story, You Are Special, by Max Lucado. It is a story about the Wemmicks, a village of wooden people. They each had a box of gold stars and a box of grey dots. They would place either a star or a dot on others as they judged them…their worthiness or lack there of. It is a beautiful story that parallels our lives and how we allow others to define us instead of allowing God to define us. If we find our identity in Jesus, we don’t allow what others think of us create our identity.

Consider picking up a copy of the book and allowing God to speak to you through its pages.

Grace and peace,
Deb

beauty

“Art can warm even a chilled and sunless soul to an exalted spiritual experience. Through art, we occasionally receive – indistinctly, briefly – revelations the likes of which cannot be achieved by rational thought.

It is like the small mirror of legend, you look into it but instead of yourself, you glimpse for a moment, the Inaccessible, a realm forever beyond reach. And your soul begins to ache.”

Aleksandr Solzhenitsyn

Art can move us beyond what we can see, hear or touch with our normal human senses. It can truly give us a glimpse into beauty which is close to God’s heart.

Delight today in a piece of art and allow it to move you into a place of beauty.

Grace and peace,
Deb

trial

“To really surrender, then, we need to stop measuring our trials against our comforts, and instead measure our trials against their potential to draw us nearer to God and to make us more like Christ.”

Gary Thomas

The past two weeks have been filled with wonderful times with my family. They have also been filled with seeing friends go through some very hard times. Death, serious illness. The emotions of these situations seem to be heightened during the holidays. There seems to be an extra sting in them.

These kinds of trials are serious. And, it is times like these that we may question what God is doing, or maybe even ask “Where is He?”. It is easy to think that he has withdrawn from us. We desperately want to sense Him, hear from Him. And we just want to move away from the difficulty.

If this is a place where you find yourself, consider not asking, merely, “Where is God?” but “Where is God in the midst of this pain I am in?” There is much we can learn about ourselves and about God during times when nothing else makes much sense. He is there, holding us in the pain. He is closer to us than our breath.

Grace and peace,
Deb

love you...

This year, I did something a little different for Christmas. A few weeks ago I went to an Advent Silent Retreat. It was a wonderful start to the season. While I was there I sensed God encouraging me to let the people closest to me know how I feel about them. So, I wrote them a letter on Christmas Eve, to be opened when they were alone.

In our culture, we don’t often tell each other how we really feel. We may say a passing “I love you” but we often don’t talk about what we really appreciate in the other.

Consider sitting down and writing to those in your life, who may know you love them, but may not know what you really love about them.

Grace and peace,
Deb

Merry Christmas

Grace and peace,
Deb

breath of heaven

Breath Of Heaven

I have traveled many moonless nights,
Cold and weary with a babe inside,
And I wonder what I’ve done.
Holy father you have come,
And chosen me now to carry your son.

I am waiting in a silent prayer.
I am frightened by the load I bear.
In a world as cold as stone,
Must I walk this path alone?
Be with me now.
Be with me now.

Breath of heaven,
Hold me together,
Be forever near me,
Breath of heaven.
Breath of heaven,
Lighten my darkness,
Pour over me your holiness,
For you are holy.
Breath of heaven.

Do you wonder as you watch my face,
If a wiser one should have had my place,
But I offer all I am
For the mercy of your plan.
Help me be strong.
Help me be.
Help me.

Breath of heaven,
Hold me together,
Be forever near me,
Breath of heaven.
Breath of heaven,
Lighten my darkness,
Pour over me your holiness,
For you are holy.

Breath of heaven,
Hold me together,
Be forever near me,
Breath of heaven.
Breath of heaven,
Lighten my darkness,
Pour over me your holiness,
For you are holy.
Breath of heaven.
Breath of heaven.
Breath of heaven.

Amy Grant

sabbath

no post today ~ enjoy the sabbath

Mary's Song

Blue homespun and the bend of my breast
keep warm this small hot naked star
fallen to my arms.
(Rest …you who have had so far to come.)
Now nearness satisfies
the body of God sweetly.
Quiet he lies whose vigor hurled a universe.
He sleeps whose eyelids have not closed before.
His breath (so slight it seems no breath at all)
once ruffled the dark deeps
to sprout a world.
Charmed by doves' voices,
the whisper of straw, he dreams,
hearing no music from his other spheres.
Breath, mouth, ears, eyes
he is curtailed who overflowed all skies,
all years.
Older than eternity, now he is new.
Now native to earth as I am,
nailed to my poor planet,
caught that I might be free,
blind in my womb to know my darkness ended,
brought to this birth for me to be new-born,
and for him to see me mended
I must see him torn.

Luci Shaw

I invite you to spend some time with this poem today. Read it slowly two times, once out loud. Allow God to speak to your heart and pay attention to the words or phrases that move you. Perhaps spend some time journaling your thoughts and feelings.

Grace and peace,
Deb

rest

And so let me let you hold me
when I have come to the place
beyond the willingness to labor
beyond anything but the longing
for rest.
Let my emptiness be emptiness
till it reveals to me your face,
and let my weariness be weariness
till it prompts me to your rest.
Then may I know the healing
of slumber
and the possibility of dreams;
Then may I greet the dawn and
take up my work again.

Jan Richardson

Please find time to rest in the midst of this busy season. Find time to rest so that you may fully enjoy the next few days, so that you may be fully present, for God and for others.

Grace and peace,
Deb

crazy

Have you been out in the past couple of days? It’s crazy out there. Last Friday night, I went out to meet a friend for dinner. It took me a ½ hour to get from east York….to….EAST YORK!!! The traffic was non-stop. People were so desperate to get where they were going that they would pull out into the intersection, on a yellow light, hoping the cars in front of them would move enough to get them out of the middle of the road. Then those of us who had already waited through 5 light cycles couldn’t go because there was a (……ummm…hmmmmm…what do you call a person who pulls out into the intersection when they know they can’t get through??) …a poor decision maker…in the middle of the road blocking our path!

And all of that is what is happening outside of the stores. Last weekend (my first mistake) I went to Toys Are Us. There were no carts in the stores and the lines at the checkouts were, yeah, they were crazy.

As I, as you, get caught up in the craziness that defines this time of year, take time out to remember why we celebrate. If I am not intentional I can go through most of the holiday season and not give time to being with Him. Set some time aside to today to just be. And don’t count your waiting time in traffic…’cause it’s crazy out there!! 

Grace and peace,
Deb

travel guides

I could never do this spiritual life alone. I need my travel guides. What I mean by this is that I need those people who point out the way for me. They don’t tell me which way to go but they illuminate the path and make the journey with me. About 5 years ago a friend of mine shared his evolving spiritual journey with me. I was intrigued. Something in my spirit was awakened and the spiritual landscape slowly began to change for me. Knowing that I was in unknown territory, I invite a ‘travel guide’ to help me. Again, she doesn’t tell me where to go but she does help me notice things along the way.

It’s like I’m on this glorious trip that God has arranged for me. He has graciously given me people who can help me along the way. They may have traveled this way before me and can help me navigate the way – or even if their journey has been different, they can help me make sense of landmarks I might be encountering. One of my relationships is strictly for this purpose. I know that when I spend time with her, the intention is to see where God is at work in my life. I am also blessed with traveling companions - wonderful friends who I can have spiritual conversations with and do life with. And then, there are those random encounters where God will use the most unlikely person or circumstance to speak in to my life.

Who are the guides in your life? Who are those people you are intentionally speaking to, help you discern the movement of God in your life? Who are the friends that build into you…celebrate the grace you are noticing and support any correction God wants to make in your walk. Who are those who are imprinting on you? Many times, we take these life-giving relationships for granted. Pause today to reflect and be thankful for those who accompany you.

Grace and peace,
Deb

teachers

As we continue to reflect on our relationship with Jesus, I want to encourage you today to look at who was instrumental in your spiritual life. Perhaps you had the privilege of being raised in a Christian home where God was no stranger. Maybe it was a parent or grandparent who prayed with you and told you that God loved you. Or perhaps it was a friend, within which you noticed something different, something attractive. Or maybe you were like me and it was the guy who took a chance on dating someone who didn’t have a strong relationship with God. Through his example you realized there was more to this “God” thing. As I think back I can name several people who God used to woo me to Him. I am so grateful to Him for placing them in my life.

I invite you to spend some time today reflecting on who those people were in your life. Who pointed you to the One who loves you more than anyone possibly could? Who shared the truth of who He is? Who stirred the desire in your heart for more? And who played a part in you anticipating this upcoming Christmas Day when we celebrate His coming to earth? Consider spending some time today lifting them up in prayer and asking God that they might experience a fuller measure of His presence this season.

Grace and peace,
Deb

mountain and valley

God of making
and unmaking,
of tearing down
and re-creating,
You are my home
and habitation,
my refuge
and place of dwelling.

In your hollows
I am re-formed,
given welcome
and benediction,
beckoned to rest
and rise again,
made ready
and sent forth.

Jan Richardson

As we move closer to Advent, we will focus on preparing our inner space to make room for Him. Today we are paying attention to where He has been through out our lives. My life in Jesus has been full of ups and downs. I have never had such incredible highs! Wonderful memories of life-changing mission trips, worshipping with new friends, in their own language, while tears streamed down my face. Seeing my children be baptized. Seeing them marry spouses who love them. Seeing my grandchildren grow. Seeing changes in my own spiritual walk which have resulted in deeper intimacy. These are the mountains.

Then there are the valleys. A difficult childhood. The death of my sister-in-law. Losing one of my children to miscarriage. Going through a deeply hurtful church experience. Struggling in my marriage. Going through the divorce of my parents. Experiencing illness; mine, my husband’s, my children’s. Seeing my children go through painful things. Walking with friends through tough times.

I trust God. I trust that He knows what is best for me and that he has been with me through all the mountains and valleys. He has a plan for me and it includes all of the above. My painful experiences have played a big part in making me who I am. He is present in all of it.


May you spend some time today reflecting on your experiences, both good and difficult, and notice where God was at work.

Grace and peace,
Deb

sabbath

No post today. Enjoy the sabbath.

response

Yesterday I encouraged you to examine your relationships. If you are like me, you noticed that there are some people you are holding some frustration toward. Maybe some who have hurt you and, maybe even some you feel outright anger towards. Or it is a long simmering resentment? No doubt they hurt you.

Consider taking some time to listen to what God may be wanting from you. Is He asking you to soften your heart and shift your thoughts and feelings toward them? Is He asking you to share your pain with Him and release them by forgiving them? Or…perhaps He is asking you to take some concrete steps to extend yourself in some way to them….towards reconciliation? Remember back to a time when someone released you. Can you reflect on what it felt like to be offered forgiveness for some hurt you had caused to another? What a beautiful feeling that is.

As we inch closer to celebrating the day God came to earth, consider what “peace on earth, goodwill towards men”, looks like in your own life.

Grace and peace,
Deb

reflections on relationships

As I engage myself in a process of examination, one of the areas that I always need to pay attention to is my relationships. I need to ask myself these questions:

How am I doing in my relationships with others?

Am I being loving?

Am I being attentive?

Have I been harsh?

Have I thought ill of someone or talked about someone?

Do I feel as if I am in competition with someone?

Do I begrudge someone the gifts and abilities they have?

Do I have the other’s best interest at heart?

Do I sacrifice for the benefit of the other?

Do I try to have win/win solutions to problems?

Can I put their interest in front of mine?

Do I give them the benefit of the doubt?

Do I resist jumping to conclusions?

Do I notice the wonderful things they have done
rather than the one thing they haven’t?

Do I encourage them to be the best they can be
even if it means they will outshine me?

How good and pleasant it is
when brothers live together in unity!

Psalm 133:1

May you spend some time, as we move closer to the celebration of Christmas, examining your relationships. Be sensitive to what God may be saying to you and consider what it is He may be asking you to do.

Grace and peace,
Deb

inner work

This week we have been focusing on looking inward to prepare ourselves for the Christmas season. Sometimes, the examination process can be hard as we look at some things in our heart that are not as we want them to be. Despite that, God’s love for us is constant.

To add to your daily examination process, consider asking yourself this question as you lay your head down on the pillow at night….

“Where did I sense God love me today?”

This question is not based on our accomplishments, our defeats, our joys or our frustrations. It is simply looking for and paying attention to how He is loving us. As you practice this discipline, I would love it if you would be willing to share how you are experiencing this in your life. Please feel free to comment.

It is a beautiful way to end your day.

Grace and peace,
Deb

further examination

I can move through my days and not pay attention to what has happened. If I am not intentional, I will miss what God is saying to me. One tool that has helped me pay attention is taking time at the end of my day to look over the day with the help of God. I think back through the events of the day; what significant things happened, what significant conversations did I have, places where I sensed God’s grace, places where I sensed God’s correction, and things I wished I would have done differently. I run it back as if it were a movie. Looking at it under God’s gentle gaze I can feel safe to look at all these parts of my day and ask God what he wants me to notice.

It can be a very valuable tool in deepening of awareness of God’s work in our lives and also how He wants us to respond to him. I invite you to try it tonight.

Have a blessed day,
Deb

not enough paper

I have been a Christ follower for over 30 years. You would think by now I would have it down. I never seriously thought about killing someone. I don’t think of myself as a thief. I’ve never had a drug or alcohol problem. I don’t like gambling. I normally do not lose my temper…in public.

But, I have had the urge to hit the car that ignores the red light, in the turn lane and takes 2 seconds of my green light (in fact, I was with a friend once who did just that…she hit the car…on purpose!) I have thought about taking a pen or using paper from work for personal use, justifying that I use my paper, ink, etc., from home for work things. I can say no to wine or hard alcohol (it’s easy because I don’t like the taste…unless it Kailua and cream) but it takes everything I have to not eat chocolate cake until I feel sick. The lottery holds no interest for me but if you could see darkness in my heart when I stand behind someone buying tons of lottery tickets when all I want is a gallon of milk, you would see sin. And, I know how to behave in public, how to temper my reactions to things that happen that I don’t like. But, at home, I don’t feel the same need to monitor my response.

About 27 years ago, I was driving to church (in Michigan) on a Sunday morning. A car pulled out in front of me and I hit my horn. As I continued to church, I noticed that he was turning every where I needed to turn…including the church parking lot! I dropped Jeff and the kids off at the door, found a parking spot in the back of the lot and waited in my car for the other guy to have time to move from the lobby to the sanctuary. Once I was inside, a man walked up to me, with a smile on his face , and said “I guess you don’t like the way I drive.” I wanted to sink into the floor. I apologized to him and thankfully, he accepted and our families became good friends. Lesson learned, right? No.

A couple of years ago, I was driving, (which seems to be a real testing time for me) and I was in one of those places where the road merges from two lanes into one lane. I was in the CORRECT lane and the guy in the other lane sped up to try and get around me. Somehow, my gas pedal went down and my car accelerated as well. (I have a slightly competitive spirit). He did not back down and would have hit my car rather than yield. As he pulled in front of me, I hit my horn. He gave me a wave through his window that could be interpreted as “calm down sweetie.” I fumed. My heart was beating harder and faster and my hands were shaking. I found myself driving as close as I could to his bumper. I wanted him to know how angry I was. I can even remember thinking…”this is crazy…I am crazy to let something like that upset me so much”. Fortunately I did not have the opportunity to see this man or talk to him. But the anger lingered over the next couple of hours.

My sins now seem to be more sins of attitude and motives, which can lead me into out-right identifiable sin (horn-honking and tailgating). If I took the time to write them all down, there would not be enough paper.

Thank goodness God is patient with me. I now try to allow Him to reveal those areas He wants me to work on because tackling all of them is impossible.

Consider spending some time with Him today asking what are those motives or attitudes He wants you to look at. Are there things you are already aware of? Others that may be hidden? Pay attention to how you feel and think and become more aware of what is beneath those emotions and thoughts.

Grace and Peace,
Deb

examination

"Test me, O LORD, and try me,
examine my heart and my mind."

Psalm 26:2 NIV

Advent is not only the beginning of the Christmas season, it is the beginning of the church calendar. You and I have the opportunity to approach this new year with Jesus differently than we have before. The same way we might approach New Year’s…reflecting on the past year, what we’ve accomplished, what we didn’t do that we wished we had, etc. We usually spend time thinking about changes we want to make. You know…those famous New Year’s Resolutions. But before you know where you want to go you need to know where you’ve been and where you are.
This second week of Advent, we will be looking at 'examination'.

As you reflect on this past year and as you prepare for the upcoming year, I invite you to spend some time with God asking Him to reveal those places in your life where you are falling short of what He wants for you. We all have those things in our lives that create a barrier between us and God. His love doesn’t change for us but our ability to experience it and share it with others is hindered by our sins.
Plan some time to sit with Him, in silence, and ask Him to examine your heart. You might want to consider asking questions like:

Lord, where am I falling short of what you have for me?

Would you please reveal those sins that I am not aware of?

How am doing at loving You?

At loving others?

Are there places in my life that You are trying to speak into and I am resisting?

As you sit and listen for Him to speak, know that His words will not be condemning or harsh. He is gentle when He is illuminating the dark areas of your heart. If you are experiencing shaming, condemning words consider that those might be the words of other voices…your own, your past or the Enemy. You will experience God’s correction as loving.
Begin this new year in God with an examined heart.

Grace and peace,
Deb

night

Darkness may seem like a place where nothing is happening. Consider a seed in the ground. It is surrounded by darkness. It seems silent and dormant. But in that dark, solitary place, it germinates. Above the surface, you cannot tell that anything is happening. But below, new life begins.

It is the same with you and I. There are times when I feel as if I am separated from God’s presence. If I rely only on my feelings or my senses, I might believe that God is not there, not working. I must come to a place of trust. In that place I would know that He is there whether I can feel him or not. God may seem to be hidden but He is present and working.

Do you feel like He isn’t there? Do you feel separated from Him? Do you feel like you are in the dark? Know that He is there. Know that He is working even though you cannot sense it. All you need to do is surrender to the work He wishes to do. Consider what that might look like today.


Grace and peace,
Deb

darkness to light

shadows hint at the beauty of creation
trees naked, except for the light coating
of snow they hold on their branches
as if it is an offering.
eyes strain to pick out familiar shapes
against the grey backdrop.
barely perceivable, branches give way to the wind.
quiet and peaceful, the snow blanket
wraps itself around the earth.
grey begins to dissolve into shades of blue
as the shadows
yield to the approaching light.
gently, gradually, almost
unperceivable, but yet the picture changes.

so with me.
shadows, darkness, heavy clouds
begin to lift.
it ‘becomes’ so gradually, i cannot see it.
but, i begin to notice the
changing landscape of my heart.
as the light moves in to dispel the darkness,
gently, gradually.

As we continue to wait expectantly for the gift that God has given….Christ come to earth as babe, may you open your heart to the work He wants to do in you.

Grace and peace,
Deb

darkness

And when you have drawn
your cloak of night about you,
and when
you have rolled back
day sky
and pinned it to the horizon,
and when
you have given yourself
to the darkness,
and when you have blurred
the familiar shapes
into uncertain shadows,
then,
thou tender of darkness
and of day
do not forget me.

Jan Richardson

As you watch and wait, you may not see anything. It may seem like darkness around you. He is present…in the dark.

Grace and peace,
Deb

'still' waiting

I was talking with some individuals about their missions trip to Guatemala. They were there to work in a medical clinic in a village. They told me that there was a very long line of people waiting to be seen by the American doctors. They waited and they waited and they waited. Many of them were not even seen that day and came back the next day to wait again. Whenever one of the team members would walk by the line, the villagers would smile at them. There was no grumbling, no frustration…just patient waiting.

It’s hard for me to imagine what that kind of ‘still’ waiting is like. I become impatient waiting for a red light to change or waiting in line at the grocery store. And we all know what it is like to wait in lines at the department stores as we shop for Christmas.

We view waiting as an inconvenience at best and at worse, as a painful lack of results. We look and look for a way out of the waiting. We want whatever is coming, to arrive.

I think God wants us to wait like the Guatemalans. Quietly, expectantly, still. Knowing that He has something meaningful for us at the end of the waiting.


“Still” waiting….meaning not only do we remain 'waiting'...we are doing it contently.
May you find peace in the waiting. May you be still and may you look for God in the midst of the not yet.

Grace and peace,
Deb

PS: I am out of town and may not be able to post tomorrow, but back on Thursday, for sure.

waiting

As a teenager I went to a Lutheran church. I remember terms like Advent and Lent but I didn’t pay much attention. Over the last few years, I’ve had a renewed interest in the church calendar. I would like you to celebrate the Advent season with me. We will be spending some time over the next four weeks looking more closely at this part of the church year.

As I understand “Advent” I’ve come to see that part of its meaning is “waiting with expectancy”. Now my background is not theology so for those of you who are more knowledgeable, please offer me some grace as I draw some of my own parallels.

Mary was a young girl. She was engaged to be married. Can you even imagine an angel showing up in your bedroom and telling you that you had been chosen to bear the Christ? Not only do you risk the neighbor’s whispers as they speculate behind your back about the circumstances that lead to you finding yourself in the ‘family way’…you risk death…by stoning. You risk your future husband believing that you had slept with someone else. Not only are you thinking you’ll need to convince him that you were not unfaithful but that an angel came to you to tell you God wanted to you to carry His son. It is no ordinary baby you carry. You carry the Son of God. Yeah right. Nowadays, that would be the right formula for a trip to the hospital and some powerful meds to help you with your delusional thoughts. Don’t believe me? Try telling someone you saw an angel and that he said you were pregnant by the Holy Spirit. I’ll come and see you on visiting day.

It’s easy for us to think that this was an ordinary experience back in Biblical times. But…it was just as extraordinary then as it would be now. She was a young girl…just a girl. And yet her response to the angel was remarkable. Scripture says she was confused and fearful. But, after the angel completed his explanation, she said, “I'm the Lord's maid, ready to serve. Let it be with me just as you say”.

She began “waiting with expectancy”. That is what Advent is for us as well. Waiting with expectancy. As we look forward to Christmas and the significance of God come to earth, what are you expecting? What are you looking for?

May you spend some time in the next day or so reflecting on what it is that you are expecting in your relationship with the Holy One? What are wanting? Waiting for?

May your waiting be filled with expectancy. God wants to meet with you in a different way…a more intimate way. Be looking. Be waiting…with expectancy.

Grace and peace,
Deb

blind faith

"MY LORD GOD, I have no idea where I am going.
I do not see the road ahead of me.
I cannot know for certain where it will end.
Nor do I really know myself, and the fact that I think that I am following your will does not mean that I am actually doing so.
But I believe that the desire to please you does in fact please you.
And I hope I have that desire in all that I am doing.
I hope that I will never do anything apart from that desire.
And I know that if I do this you will lead me by the right road though I may know nothing about it.
Therefore will I trust you always though I may seem to be lost and in the shadow of death.
I will not fear, for you are ever with me, and you will never leave me to face my perils alone."

Thomas Merton

I invite you to take some time today to reflect on this quote.

Grace and peace,
Deb