listening

“……there are four kinds of listening:

Listening but not hearing.

Listening and connecting with one’s own agenda.

Listening and hearing without a personal agenda.

Intuitive listening, meaning not only hearing what was being spoken but what is not being said. Deep listening.”

Anne LeClaire
Listening Below the Noise

Who knew listening could be so complicated? Isn’t it just a matter of hearing what the other person says? Apparently not. Let’s see if I can connect this with my own personal examples.

Listening but not hearing. I think this is the kind of listening I do on a Sunday when I am watching football. Yes, ladies (and guys, if there are any of you reading) – in my house, my husband is the football widower. I have the remote and the big screen. Meals are planned around game time – bathroom breaks and drink breaks around halftime. I am serious. If I am not home for a game I want to see I record it. No joke. So, if Jeff asks me a question during a game, I listen but I don’t hear him. You know – polite enough not be rude (unless the Steelers are playing)but yet not tuned in enough to give a real answer. And ‘uh huh’ or a ‘nah’ – you know – monosyllabic. Keep it quick and simple.

Listening and connecting with one’s own agenda. This might be the listening I am capable of 10 minutes before the game starts. The thought is that if I seem attentive now and we get this conversation out of the way, I will be able to watch the game without interruption. Or – if it can wait until halftime, I can actually face him and use my big people words rather than grunts. But make sure the conversation can be concluded in 10 minutes.

Listening and hearing without a personal agenda. This one is the hard one. It is so hard to get my agenda out of the way! I think this is easier with acquaintances in a passing conversation. Believe it or not, I am capable of doing it at home (when it is not football season) and usually find it very satisfying.

Intuitive listening, meaning not only hearing what was being spoken but what is not being said. Deep listening. This requires something else altogether. For me, it requires the help of the Holy Spirit. It is a time when I am very intentional about getting myself and my agenda out of the way and giving my full attention to the person who is speaking and to the leading of the Spirit. It’s a time when I tend to be silent more than speak. It is a time when I ask questions rather than give advice. It is a time when I am dependent on God and am trusting Him to provide the insight – both to me and to the person I am listening to.

I want to cultivate more intuitive listening in my life, not only when I am with directees but when I am with friends, family, co-workers, etc. I want to provide a space where people feel heard and seen. When I am able to do that it is even better than football. :)


Grace and peace –
Deb

Photo by Little Miss Soda Can http://www.flickr.com/photos/12gagirl/5344317623/

authenticity

“When I could finally get past what everyone might be thinking about me, I realized that ultimately I could only live my own life, and I just wanted to live in humility, in honestly and be true to myself.”

Helen

I’m not sure if this is true for you but it is easy for me to get caught up in the expectations of others. I am, by nature, a people-pleaser and being first-born, I have a tendency towards perfectionism. Although both of these traits can make you look good – either with family and friends, in the workplace or in school – it is an illusion.

The ‘people-pleasing’ only works as long as you please ‘the people’ - whoever that may be. Once you fall short of that mark, no matter what the reason, you’ve failed. It doesn’t matter if you have really failed, or if they perceived that you have failed, because in your eyes, you’re a failure.

And perfectionism? What the heck is that? It is such a set-up because it is unattainable. There was only One who was perfect and that is certainly not me.
For me, both of these are substitutes for believing in and living out of God’s love for me – just as I am. Both put me in a position of ‘doing enough’ to prove I am worthy. But my worthiness should not be found in what I do or who I please. It should be found in God. If I never accomplish another thing in my life, if I never please another person, God’s love for me remains constant.
God is gently teaching me these lessons. He is lessening my grip on the need to even try to be perfect and He is giving me glimpses of how people-pleasing is an idol that needs to released to Him.

Am I living my own life? Yes. With humility? I try. Am I being true to myself? Not when I am people-pleasing and chasing after perfection, but I am moving closer every day, with Gods’ help.

How about you? Are you a people-pleaser? Do you feel the need to be perfect? If so, what do you think God wants to say to you about that? Spend some time today listening.

Grace and peace –
Deb

being present

"This is the first, wildest and wisest thing I know, that the soul exists and that is is built entirely out of attentiveness."

Mary Oliver

When we are not attentive, we miss life. We live in the past or we live in the future but we miss the now. And now is what we have. Now is when God is active and working...now is when we get the chance to participate with Him. Obviously we can see where He was in hindsight but what a beautiful thing it is to see He in the now.

But to do that we need to pay attention to what He might be saying, how He might be working and then make the choice to live into that.

My prayer for you today is that you will be aware and watching so you don't miss the presence of God, in this moment.

Grace and peace,
Deb

integrity

"If you are here unfaithfully with us,
You're causing great damage."

Rumi

When we are with others unauthentically, we hurt them and we hurt ourselves. To bring all of who we are to God and to our community is to be in integrity.

Consider those places where you come with less than who you truly are. Ask yourself why you would do that and reflect on what God might want to say to you.

Grace and peace,
Deb

Photo by Hawken King http://www.flickr.com/photos/hawken/239234587/

blind faith

"MY LORD GOD, I have no idea where I am going.
I do not see the road ahead of me.
I cannot know for certain where it will end.
Nor do I really know myself, and the fact that I think that I am following your will does not mean that I am actually doing so.
But I believe that the desire to please you does in fact please you.
And I hope I have that desire in all that I am doing.
I hope that I will never do anything apart from that desire.
And I know that if I do this you will lead me by the right road though I may know nothing about it.
Therefore will I trust you always though I may seem to be lost and in the shadow of death.
I will not fear, for you are ever with me, and you will never leave me to face my perils alone."

Thomas Merton

I invite you to take some time today to reflect on this quote.

Grace and peace,
Deb

photo by Bruce Berrien
http://www.flickr.com/photos/bruceberrien/4445304728/

darkness to light

“Mother Teresa once said “Loneliness and the feeling of being unwanted are the greatest poverty”. To this I will add: Please believe that one single positive dream is more important than a thousand negative realties.”


Adeline Yen Mah

Recently, I have had interactions with four women, all of whom I know had difficult childhoods. As I sat with them, I was struck by the reality of their lives today. If anyone of them had lived into what their families had wanted them to believe about themselves, they would be living a very different life. But…something happened to them. God. He moved into their heart and began the slow process of changing how they saw themselves. He began by giving them glimpses of how He sees them. Now, they are all living beautiful, strong, affirming lives.

And, do you know the most incredible part of it? He uses other people to reflect His love…. to be Jesus with skin on. Through others…through their eyes, through their actions, through their acceptance, through their reaching out, healing begins.

It is in the context of relationship that people change. It is not always easy but it is worth the effort. Then, as we heal, we begin to give away what was given to us.

If you are the wounded one, allow others to come near and care for you. If you have been restored to life through God’s healing touch and the love of others, give what you’ve received.

Grace and peace,
Deb

Photo by Malu Green http://www.flickr.com/photos/malugreen/3343242073/

margins

I am tired. Just being honest, folks. Somehow I have allowed the margins around my life to become thinner and thinner. That means I wake up and realize I am not living what I preach. I didn’t sleep well last night and did not get up as early as I would have liked this morning. So…no intentional time with God. Doesn’t mean I didn’t sense His presence today…I did in so many ways. But I want time…no…I need time to sit down and reflect on the ways I saw Him work and move, how I heard His voice.

This isn’t being legalistic about how much time I must set aside to be with Him….or what I need to do during that time. It’s more about how I feel inside when I don’t have time with Him.I just want to be real about living what I talk about.

Hope you are carving out margins to protect your inner life. We all stray and get back on the ‘crazy hamster wheel’ of life….but, when you do, notice it and begin, as you can, to re-establish those margins. Tomorrow – yeah, I’m gonna have some margins tomorrow.

Grace and peace,
Deb

photo by Jody K http://www.flickr.com/photos/jodilynn/2876601526/

vulnerability

“Daring to accept myself and receive love as I am in my nakedness and vulnerability is the indispensable precondition for genuine transformation. But make no mistake about just how difficult this is. Everything within me wants to show my best ‘pretend self’ to both other people and to God. This is my false self – the self of my own making. This self can never be transformed, because it is never willing to receive love in vulnerability. When this pretend self receives love, it simply becomes stronger and I am even more deeply in bondage to my false ways of living.”

David Benner


Transformation. This is what I desire. But in order to surrender to transformation, I need to be vulnerable…to God and to others. Vulnerability has a cost. Vulnerability means letting your walls down and every time you do that you risk getting hurt.

Whenever I pretend to be someone I am not, when I feel the need to defend, to prove, to over-explain, to compete, I am not resting in God. I am taking over the reins again and trying to steer things the way I want them to go.

So – will I rest in God, be vulnerable and let my true self show through – or will I resist, argue, pretend and put myself in deeper bondage to the false self?

Each day allows me to make that choice. Today I choose vulnerability. How about you?

Grace and peace –
Deb

Photo by Andreason http://www.flickr.com/photos/andreason/5816078146/

risk

"Love anything and your heart will be wrung and possibly broken. If you want to make sure of keeping it intact you must give it to no one, not even an animal. Wrap it carefully round with hobbies and little luxuries; avoid all entanglements. Lock it up safe in the casket or coffin of your selfishness. But in that casket, safe, dark, motionless, airless, it will change. It will not be broken; it will become unbreakable, impenetrable, irredeemable. To love is to be vulnerable."
C. S. Lewis

I have friends who are afraid to love. They have been hurt and want to avoid being hurt again at all costs. They think that it is safest to not love at all. They keep others at arm’s length.

I understand the fear. But what they don’t see is that to choose to keep your heart closed off to hurt means you keep your heart closed off to joy. Our hearts are not capable of only letting in good things. When we decide to keep out hurt we keep out joy.

Loving others involves risk. It always has and it always will. Humans aren’t perfect. There are those that will hurt us every chance they get and we need to able to identify who they are and set up appropriate boundaries. But, there are others (and I think there are far more of these!) who will love us well, even if imperfectly. All of us love imperfectly. I do, you do…all of us do. If people never took a chance on me because of what others had done to them, I’d have no one in my life.

Be willing to risk. God created us to live in community and not as loners. Risk….risk being yourself with others, risk letting others in, risk being real….risk being hurt. Know that whatever comes your way, God is able to walk you through it.

Grace and peace,
Deb

photo by Marceluz (Lucía Rojas) http://www.flickr.com/photos/marceluz/4055361875/

wisdom

As the years go by, I am noticing something. I do not look like I used to! Surprise, surprise. It can be difficult to see the changes that time brings. Anne Lamott, in one of her books, has a chapter called “The Aunties”. She is referring to her derriere. The Aunties are not what they used to be. She talks about not wanting to go out in a bathing suit because she is self conscious about The Aunties. She is constantly comparing herself to other women..younger women. Then she realizes that what she does possess is the wisdom that only age brings. It is a beauty that cannot be matched by a young, fit body. And she forms a new appreciation and respect for The Aunties.

I am beginning to appreciate that. I am starting to love my wisdom; a wisdom that comes from God. I like to call it 'saging'. I am learning to appreciate the beauty that comes with age…maybe not a physical beauty but the beauty of knowing God in an intimate way and living out of that place.

I am constantly trying to re-align my values with His…like knowing that how I look is not as important as who I am. Or that what the world values is not what God values. Some days I do better than others but I think the days of seeing it from God’s point of view are getting more numerous.

Today, may you value who God made you to be. May you value being known more for who you are than being beautiful. And may you thank Him for the wisdom that He has given you. Enjoy today and honor The Aunties...no matter what your age. :0)

Grace and peace,
Deb

Photo by arturoverfoto
http://www.flickr.com/photos/56082562@N00/330473859/

deep well

“Everything about our modern lives fights against taking time to satisfy the needs and longings of the soul. Yet if there is one place I am allowed to be selfish, it’s in the care of my soul. Out of such selfishness, I become more selfless in caring for the needs of those in my sphere of influence.”

Stephen Macchia

Many would say that the practice of silence and solitude is selfish…even ‘navel gazing’. It’s true that I am protective of my time in the morning. I want to be alone…I want to be alone with God. I love that time. But…I know that when I spend that time, I am much more available for others throughout the day. Not only to the people I love but to those I come in contact with. I see those interactions as being orchestrated by God. I can give out of a deep, full well, rather than trying to give out of a well that is dry because I haven’t taken the time to pay attention to my own relationship with God.

To be sure…the introspective life is one of investing time in yourself. But if I do it to only enrich myself, I am missing the point. One reason God gives His love and presence to me so that I can give it to others.

May you take the time to invest in your relationship with God. May you spend time just sitting in His presence. May you take the riches He shares with you during that time and carry them into your day, sharing them with those He brings into your path…and go to bed tonight knowing that you gave deeply from the well of God’s love.

Grace and peace,
Deb

Photo by Happyhiker4 http://www.flickr.com/photos/marklindsay/6313309409/

waiting

The sea does not reward those who are too anxious, too greedy, or too impatient. One should lie empty, open, choiceless as a beach - waiting for a gift from the sea.

Anne Morrow Lindbergh

Waiting is hard…so hard. If I know what is next, what it looks like, how to prepare, I feel as if I have some control. But to just wait?

Waiting can be a sign of trust. Like the beach, being empty, open and choiceless can allow whatever God wants to come to me, to come. It isn’t that I don’t care about what is next – it's that I am allowing God to choose the direction and the timing.

Are you waiting for something? What might it look like to wait – being empty, open and choiceless? Yielding all? I invite you to try.

Grace and peace,
Deb

sabbath

“At least one day in every seven, pull off the road and park the car in the garage. Close the door to the tool shed and turn off the computer. Stay home not because you are sick but because you are well. Talk someone you love into being well with you. Take a nap, a walk, an hour for lunch. Test the premise that you are worth more than what you produce – that even if you spent one whole day being good for nothing you would still be precious in God’s sight- and when you get anxious because you are convinced this is not so, remember that your own conviction is not required. This is a commandment. Your worth has already been established, even when you are not working. The purpose of the commandment is to woo you to the same truth.”

Barbara Brown Taylor
An Altar in the World

Why is it that I find it so easy to disregard this commandment? I would not consider stealing, murdering or adultery. I try really hard not to covet. But, I don’t even attempt practicing the Sabbath, at least not in the way that I think God intended it. If one of the purposes of Sabbath is to convince me that the world will keep turning if I stop, I haven’t stopped long enough to find out. If the purpose is to have a day filled with rest and play – that is what I call ‘vacation’. If the purpose is to focus more on being than doing, a full day seems indulgent. If the purpose is to refrain from consumerism one day a week, I’ve missed the mark.

Sabbath isn’t to be a dull, dreary day. It is meant to be a gift - a day to rest, to renew, to refresh, to play, to relax, to notice, to stop. Why would I say no to that?

Barbara Brown Taylor remarks that if we paid attention to the verses – no – the commandment that speaks to Sabbath (Lev 25) the same way we pay attention to the verses that speak to sexual practices (Lev 18) we might discover that God is just as interested in economics as He is in sex.

I find myself asking some hard questions….why is it so easy for me to disregard Sabbath? It certainly is counter-cultural, but so are many of the other things I believe and practice.

In reality, it is a beautiful gift God has offered to me…. and to you. What would it look like to begin opening that gift? I will be reflecting on this more intentionally as I continue in this Christmas season. I invite you to do the same.

Grace and peace,
Deb

Photo by Viperium http://www.flickr.com/photos/viperium/247333791/

prayer

“Trust and faith should frame our whole prayer experience. This is what allows us to let go of control and allow God to shape prayer and our encounter. Prayer involves surrender to a mysterious inner process, submitting to something God does in us. If we trust enough to let go, God will give us a gift of prayer communion that we could never create or even imagine.”

David Benner

Even in prayer, it is to my benefit to ‘let go’. As long as I insist on using prayer as a vehicle to get my way, I am misusing one of God’s most beautiful gifts. Being able to pour my heart out to Him while holding on lightly to any outcomes – or even more- having my prayer be a place of expressing to God that I want what He wants more than what I want allows me to trust that He knows best.
What might you be holding onto tightly today? What would it look like to release it into God’s hands? Could you express that to Him in a prayer of surrender? Give it a try….

Grace and peace,
Deb

Photo by Kevin Henderson - http://kevlhenrit.zenfolio.com/p197120307

silence

“When we make a place for silence, we make room for ourselves….By making room for silence, we resist the forces of the world which tell us to live an advertised life of surface appearances, instead of a discovered life – a life lived in contact with our senses, our feelings, our deepest thoughts and values.”

Gunilla Norris

Photo by Kevin Henderson -
“When we make a place for silence, we make room for ourselves….By making room for silence, we resist the forces of the world which tell us to live an advertised life of surface appearances, instead of a discovered life – a life lived in contact with our senses, our feelings, our deepest thoughts and values.”

Gunilla Norris

Photo by Kevin Henderson - http://kevlhenrit.zenfolio.com/p197120307

meditation

“Through meditating we explore in order to know more and more of Abba. Before we find this reality, we only BELIEVE; through experiencing a relationship, we come to KNOW.”

Morton Kelsey

To know someone, I need to spend time with them. I need to talk to them and I need to listen. The more I know them, the less I need to depend on words. I have a couple of people in my life who can just look at me and know what I am feeling. There is no need to explain myself in great detail. I am known by them.

It is that way with God. In the beginning of my relationship with him I talked…a lot. Now I talk less and listen more. There is more of a comfort level there…more of a ‘knowing’. I am learning to rest in the fact that He loves me.

Consider meditating, that is reflecting on, or pondering who He is. Meditate on His love and His presence.

Grace and peace,
Deb

Photo by Austinevan Found at http://www.flickr.com/photos/austinevan/3304246079/

prayer

There are times when we feel, quite simply, far too small
to contain everything we are feeling.

Maybe a moment of awesome beauty overwhelms us,
or a piece of music brings tears to our eyes.

We hold a newborn child in our arms
and are lost for words.
We gaze, helplessly, as a loved one takes a final breath.

Or maybe we are speechless with rage,
impotent in the face of some gross injustice,
or some intolerable pain.

Prayer can catch us in its arms at times like these,
often in shared rituals or rites of passage,
but also in the unspoken, and unspeakable,
aching and yearning of our hearts.

We pray when our hearts are overflowing.

Margaret Silf
The Gift of Prayer

Photo by Ashley Gillett Photography

wisps

“For sometimes the voice of God thunders into our lives, but more often than not, it wisps by us like a gentle breeze with a fragrant reminder of faraway fields”.

Brennan Manning

I love springtime. I know it is hard to talk about or think about spring right now as we stand on the edge of winter. But, let’s try.

I remember being a little girl standing in my front yard on Easter Sunday. As a child, we didn’t go to church accept on the major holidays, so I am decked out in my Easter dress (with hat!). I cannot remember going to church that day but I can remember the smells. I remember that damp, early morning smell. Do you know what I am talking about? It’s that rich smell of earth and dew. It is mixed with the smell of newly mowed grass…a smell that’s fresh and clean and sticks to the bottom of your shoes. It lingers when you get in the car. Those smells take me right back to that morning. It’s a lovely memory.

What if God moves in our lives like that? Like a gentle wisp of fragrance? But to notice it I need to pay attention. I have to be aware. I have to gather in the subtle evidence with all my senses.

Be attentive…allow the fragrance of His love to permeate your life. Then, when you face the edge of winter in your spiritual life, you will be able to recall its sweet scent and know that spring is just around the corner.

Grace and peace,
Deb

Photo by Wili-Hybrid http://www.flickr.com/photos/wili/614590890/

hope

We see the signs
but cannot always
divine their meanings.

You call us to move forward
not always knowing
whether what we grasp
in our hands
will prove to be
a seed of hope
or a thorn in our flesh.

Train our fingers,
that what brings life
we may with persistence hold,
and that which wastes
our souls
we may with grace release.

Jan Richardson
Night Visions

Photo by Mayr at http://www.flickr.com/photos/mayr/2264724288/

listen

listen
Life is chaotic.
It’s loud and constantly moving.
No time alone.
No space.
No intentionality.
Just moving from thing to thing….task to task.
Keep moving.
Don’t stop.
It may pass you by.
The world may fall off its axis.

What? Be still?
Learn to listen?
Why?
God’s voice?
Afraid of what I might hear…
condemnation,
fear,
shame,
rejection….
But…what if…
He wants to speak something different into my life….
like love,
acceptance
forgiveness
peace,
joy,
value.
That is what He is offering.

I only need to listen….
Listen and accept.
Be still,
listen
and
hear.


deb

Photo by Art from (Me)lia http://www.flickr.com/photos/artfromm/3813798951/

plans

Speaking of Mary right after finding out she was carrying the Christ-child:

“The events themselves will be her guide and teacher. She does not need to figure it out and plan accordingly, the plan will be given by God through life’s encounters. Reality is her teacher. That is why she could hear angels. And that is why she could hear Elizabeth.”

Richard Rohr, Radical Grace

I have been told that I am not strong in the area of strategic planning. This is not news to me. Begin to talk about strategy and direct outcomes and I glaze over. I use to think that it was because I was not gifted in that area and that may still be the truth. But I am coming to understand that it may be something more. Perhaps dependence on God.

My desire is not to run ahead, not to figure out what the next step is but to wait and see what step God uncovers. How does He want me to proceed? Does He want me to go left or right? Take the fork in the road or stay straight?

This passage from Richard Rohr describes beautifully how I try to listen and discern God’s leading. It does not mean that I don’t prepare – it just means that I don’t have a pre-determined outcome in mind. Remaining open to surprises helps me remain open to possibilities I might otherwise miss.

Where, in your life, might God be inviting you to allow life events be your guide? How are life’s encounters speaking to you? Pay attention and may you also hear angels.

Grace and peace,
Deb

Photo by Ambigel http://www.flickr.com/photos/ambigel/324912564/

struggle

Move over the face of
my deep,
my darkness,
my endless restless chaos,
and create,
O God;
trouble me,
comfort me,
stir me up
and calm me,
but do not cease
to breathe
your Spirit into
my wakening soul.


Jan Richardson

No matter how I feel, no matter what I am going through, He is there and can redeem it.
What are you struggling with today? What is troubling your spirit? What has you losing sleep? What has your stomach in knots?
Notice it and offer it up to Him….let it rest there.

Grace and peace,
Deb

Photo by CoffeeNut http://www.flickr.com/photos/nmc1007/5513339430/

love letter

I am a little pencil in the hand of a writing God who is sending a love letter to the world.

Mother Teresa




What an incredible thought…that I am part of a love letter that God is sending to the world. That my life speaks of who He is and how He loves me. It also is a big responsibility. I think of those times when I am less than gracious with a store clerk…or the person who cuts me off in traffic…or the people in the grocery store who block the aisle with their cart while they are having a conversation with someone else.

I want to always be aware of the fact that my life is being observed. There are people who are watching to see if Jesus has really made a difference in my life or if I only know the right words to say. I definitely want my life to be part of that love letter to the world.

I invite you to think about how your life, uniquely, speaks of His love for those around you. Take some time to reflect on that beautiful truth.

Grace and peace,
Deb

photo by Stephanie: http://www.flickr.com/photos/stephanie_in_love/4254709763/in/photostream/

know thyself

“You try being alone without any form of distraction and see how quickly you want to get way from yourself and forget what you are.”

J. Krishnamurti

There is a sweet little cottage I use sometimes to get away for a couple of days. When I go there, I take the first hour or so to unpack and set up – put my food away, get my books and journal out and organize my things. I take some time to settle in. I sit, I write, I read, I pray. Then I eat. Yes, I said I eat. I don’t eat big meals but I seem to snack...a lot. Then I sleep. Not only do I sleep at night but I nap – something I never do at home. What is that about? I think it may be partly due to exhaustion. But I also think it has to do with not wanting to be with myself.

Don’t get me wrong. I kinda like me. I have grown on myself over the years. But I am not use to my own company...only my company, for long periods of time. It is rare that I am all alone without any distractions. Several years ago, being all alone for a weekend would have been inconceivable. Being alone without TV would have been akin to torture. But, I have been practicing being with myself. It sounds so much more spiritual to say I go away to be with God – and I do. But I also am with myself and that has been a practice that has been at times uncomfortable and at other times, beautiful. I am still getting used to me.

When is the last time you were alone for more than a day without any distractions? How much do you like to be with you? Are you good company for yourself? Or do you want to just leave yourself behind for better company? Consider spending some time with yourself in the near future. Invite God to come along as you get to know yourself. Granted there will be parts of yourself you won’t enjoy seeing but God will show you other parts – the parts that reflect Him and you will be glad you decided to spend time with the person that is….. you.

Grace and peace,
Deb