conflict

“How we treat others with whom we are in disagreement on any issue is a reflection of the state of our relationship with Jesus.”
Mary Albert Darling

Powerful statement isn’t it? Do you think it’s true? I do. But…do I live it out? Unfortunately, not always. It is easy to reflect Jesus when we are getting along. But, as soon as there is conflict, we power up, we defend, we accuse (if not to someone’s face, at least in our head), we don’t give them the benefit of the doubt, we look for other ammunition to support what we want to believe about that person, or even find others who will agree with us.

What would it look like to reflect Jesus in the midst of a conflict? Maybe it means being quiet because to speak would be to sin. Maybe it means we speak the truth in love. Maybe it means we try to see the conflict from the other person’s point of view because there is ALWAYS the possibility that they just might have a valid point.

In the middle of a conflict right now? Yes? You might want to ask Jesus how He would want you to respond. Not in the middle of a conflict? Well, don’t get too comfortable because you will be. That is one of the realities of being in relationship with each other. Before you react, take a breath and see what the Spirit might be saying to you.

Truly – how we handle conflict should be one of the things that sets us apart. Do people see that difference in me? Would people see that difference in you? Just asking……
Grace and peace,
Deb

Photo by Rune T http://www.flickr.com/photos/minebilder/2054011204/

healing

“To ask that Christ be with us is to ask not only for protection and reassurance, or even guidance, but also for a kind of awareness and accountability that can keep us at the edge of our comfort zone and in a place of radical vulnerability. The curious question Jesus asked the afflicted, “Do you want to be healed?” might also come to us with a similar note of challenge: Do you want my companionship? Are you ready for it? Can you rise to it? Will you trust it?”

Marilyn Chandler McEntyre

When I think of the times I cried out to Jesus to keep me safe, keep those I love safe, make the way easy, remove any obstacles, etc., I notice that I was looking for Him to make the journey safe and predictable. What I have come to know is that Jesus is anything but safe and predictable. He does not call me to ‘safe’ journey, an easy journey or a cookie cutter journey. He calls me to Himself and asks me to leave the rest up to Him.

What needs to come into my life to change me, to mold me to transform me? I don’t know…but He does. When I say I want more of Him does that really mean I want Him to do whatever He needs to do to allow me to become the person He desires me to be – or does it mean I want more of Him to see what He can do for me?

Do I want to be healed? Of course I will say yes when it comes to my physical state. But His question goes much deeper than that.

Do I want to be healed from my selfishness?
My greed?

My desire for comfort?

My desire to think myself better than someone else or my way better than another’s?

From the need for justice, from my point of view?

From my need to always be understood and accepted?

From my need to have esteem in another person’s eyes?

From my need to never be criticized?

From my need to think I am always right and the other person is always wrong?

From my need to judge?

From my need for validation?

From my need to hold onto resentments and grudges?

From my ‘rights’?

From my need to argue over issues?

From my need to have the last word?

From my need to keep up with the Jones’s?

From my need to be the one who gets overhead bin space?

From being the one who always has to be heard?

From my need to dismiss someone else too make myself feel better?

From my need to protect myself from really seeing the poor?

From my need to spend?

From my need to be recognized?

From my need to have my ideas recognized as mine?

From my desire for more of __________?

Am I REALLY asking to be healed from those things and so many more? To be honest, some days I say yes to that and some days I want to wallow.


Jesus – give me a desire to be taken to the edge of my comfort zone and live in radical vulnerability. Help me to know that you love me so much that you desire to heal that within me which is broken and that this healing goes much deeper than any physical ailment I might have. May I find myself living in such deep trust that I will surrender to your work in every area of my life. May I not be content with wallowing, which is so much less than what you have for me.

May it be so…everyday.

Grace and peace ~
Deb

Photo by soulman53 http://www.flickr.com/photos/40262933@N06/5395872275/

celebration

My mom did not want a memorial service. After her death, we discussed what we could do to celebrate her life in a way that she would have liked.

One of things she absolutely loved to do was go out to eat. It was her one pleasure in life outside of a weekly trip to Target. Her world had become so small because of her immobility and a meal out and a trip in the motorized cart up and down the aisles at Target was a delight. Her favorite restaurant was Outback. That woman loved her beef….filet mignon, broccoli with a piece of lemon and salad with ranch dressing. She would have eaten that meal every night and never grown tired of it. But– what she loved even more was taking the whole family out to eat.

So, a week ago Saturday, we held her Celebration of Life Service – at the Outback. I know – it’s unconventional and some may find it sacrilegious but for her and for us, it worked. My brother came up from Orlando. He, my children and their spouses, my husband and a dear friend, Jenn, (who has her own story to tell about her relationship with my mom) all gathered at Outback. We asked for a table for nine. There were eight of us. The chair next to me was hers.

When it was time to order drinks, I ordered her one. It was an ‘adult’ beverage because my mom loved an occasional drink and with her diabetes, she rarely indulged. We cheered her name and then passed the drink around the table, all taking a sip. We ordered good food, we told stories, we talked about the changes that had occurred in her over the last two years and we celebrated the healing that had happened. We laughed and we cried. For 2 ½ hours we talked about how God had met her with love, her response to that love and in turn, her impact on our lives as she was able to receive and give love in a new way. It was the beautiful time.

Unconventional, yes. Meaningful – you betcha. It was the perfect service for her and for us.

Mom – you would have loved it.
Miss you –
Love, Debbie Sue

Photo by rustyshaver http://www.flickr.com/photos/22289451@N03/2642554227/

seeds

I was reading recently and the author brought up the idea of different ‘seeds’ being within us. Seeds of love, integrity, peace, joy, surrender, calm, faith, hope, forgiveness, etc. Unfortunately, there are seeds within us of another variety….seeds of jealousy, competition, greed, hatred, impatience, judgment, criticism, suspicion, unforgiveness, etc. I have them, you have them (and if you think you don’t you don’t you may have the seed of ‘delusion’!)

The ones that grow are the ones we water. If I have been offended by someone, I can sit and mull it over and over in my mind and build a case for why I can hold it against them. I am watering the seed of ‘ego’. Or - If I have been offended by someone, I can take a breath, offer it to God and consider that they may have had a bad day or perhaps I misread the comment. Then I am watering the seed of peace.

I am convinced that the initial incident that sets of the sprinkler system in my soul is of much smaller significance than the fire hydrant I open to water the seed. It, usually, isn’t my first inclination to water the good seeds. It seems only after I notice a young plant growing, a variety that won’t produce good fruit or flowers but thorns and thistles, that I try to begin shutting off the water source. I do that by sitting with God, noticing what is happening inside of me and asking Him why I feel this way and what would it look like to water those good seeds. Slowly, I can choke off the life supply to those negative seeds and water the seeds that sow peace.
Watering some seeds today? Which ones?
Grace and peace ~
Deb
http://www.flickr.com/photos/maddiedigital/5062795181/
Photo by Maddie Digital

prayer

Christ be with me,
Christ within me,
Christ behind me,
Christ before me,
Christ beside me,
Christ to win me,
Christ to comfort and restore me,
Christ beneath me,
Christ above me,
Christ in quiet,
Christ in danger,
Christ in hearts of all that love me,
Christ in mouth of friend and stranger.

From an adaptation of a section of 'St. Patrick’s Breastplate' by Cecil Anderson and Charles Stanford.
Original prayer credited to St. Patrick, early 5th century.

photo by mocachip http://www.flickr.com/photos/monicaraemurphy/2372422963/

die to self

“Many think that dying to themselves is what causes them so much pain. But it is actually part of them that still lives that causes the problem. Your imagination exaggerates how bad death will be. Let all that is not born of God within you die.”
Francois Fenelon

Why do we hang on so hard to what is not good for us, in us? Why do we fear what might be new and good?
I have been pondering this concept of ‘dying to self’. In the past, I have thought that meant dying to who I am, almost as if I would become a non-entity. I no longer believe that. I think it is dying to that part of myself that wants to be God. That is hard. But I no longer think it is dying to my personality, my core - because I am made in the image of God. That is good, perfect and beautiful. I want to choose to live to that part of who I am – live more fully into the part of me that reflects God and die to the part that doesn’t. Honestly, I cannot always tell the difference. But God can. And sitting with Him in silence, I offer up myself and ask Him to do the work in me that needs to be done.

What part of yourself are you resisting dying to? What part of yourself needs to live fully into who you were created to be? I invite you to spend some time today considering these questions.
Grace and peace,
Deb

Photo by CarolAnneS http://www.flickr.com/photos/carolannestimpson/4196689571/

wisdom

“In biblical terms, it is wisdom we need to live together in this world. Wisdom is not gained by knowing what is right. Wisdom is gained by practicing what is right, and noticing what happens when that practice succeeds and when it fails. Wise people do not have to be certain what they believe before they act. They are free to act, trusting that the practice itself will teach them what they need to know. “

Barbara Brown Taylor

It is a beautiful quote, isn’t it? Have you ever thought of wisdom like that? I haven’t. I must admit that I have thought of wisdom as knowing the right thing. But, when I read this quote, it is as if scales fell off my eyes! It makes perfects sense to me that wisdom is something that is gained by practice, not something I know…that is knowledge.

Have you ever known someone who was filled with knowledge, but seem to have no wisdom? Hmmmmm…..

And…I love the fact that she says that wise people don’t have to be certain what they believe before they act. If I know that God loves me and if I trust Him, then I can do my best to make wise choices - and if they turn out to be otherwise, I can know that He will teach me through the process. Nothing is wasted with God.

Today…may you walk in such a way that you are practicing wisdom.
Grace and peace,
Deb

Photo by Highy http://www.flickr.com/photos/highy/3582801244/

prayer

Oswald Chambers says;


"Intercession means raising ourselves up to the point of getting the mind of Christ regarding the person for whom we are praying…..When we lose site of God we become hard and dogmatic. We throw our petitions at His throne and dictate to Him what we want Him to do….”


There was always something inside me that struggled when I would hear someone teach that all we needed to do was name, in faith, what we want from God and claim it…have enough faith and it will happen. If what we pray for doesn’t come to pass, it’s because we had a lack of faith. I cannot tell you how many people I have seen hurt over the years by this teaching.

I was never comfortable telling God how I thought things should be. Then I wondered if I was being ‘double-minded’ in my prayer life, exhibiting a lack of faith. Things just weren’t fitting together for me.

This quote from Chambers reflects how I have come to understand intercessory prayer in the past couple of years. When I pray for someone, I lift that person up to God and ask Him to tell me how He wants me to pray for them. If I don’t sense Him speaking, I just lift that individual up to Him…and leave my concern for them there.

If something is pressing deeply on my heart, I tell God what I’m feeling…I am honest with Him about what I would like to see happen, but I always say…” what I want more than what I want is what You want.” I do not think this is a prayer of unbelief. I am not praying this way because I ‘hedge my bets’ in case God doesn’t respond the way I want Him too. I pray this way because I believe my desire for God’s will over my own desires is a prayer close to God’s heart. That, I believe …is the essence of faith.

Grace and Peace,
Deb

Photo by Michael J. Roff Photography http://www.flickr.com/photos/michaeljroffphotography/5543562777/

solitude

“Our language has wisely sensed the two sides of being alone. It has created the word ‘loneliness’ to express the pain of being alone. And it has created the word ‘solitude’ to express the glory of being alone.”
Paul Tillich

Loneliness is epidemic in our world. We can feel lonely in a room full of people. We can feel so disconnected from others. We long for connection, for intimacy.

Solitude is rare in our world. It is a choice we make to create room in our spirits for God to dwell, to work. It is a place where we sit with God….a place to connect with Him and allow intimacy to develop.

Loneliness is inner emptiness.

Solitude is inner fulfillment.

Loneliness is pain.

Solitude is glory.

Loneliness is a place of hollowness.

Solitude is a place of formation.

I invite you to spend some time today in solitude, asking God to create a place of formation inside of you, where your relationship with him may deepen and grow.

Grace and Peace,
Deb
http://www.flickr.com/photos/monking21/4588718118/
Photo by Mon King

healing

Although the world is full of suffering, it is also full of the overcoming of it.
-- Helen Keller

(This post is a rerun - it happened last year)

This past weekend I was a witness to healing. It wasn’t in the aisle of a church…it was at a table at Olive Garden. Let me set the stage for you.

Over 25 years ago my parents’ marriage disintegrated. The reasons are many and complicated. The process of ending it was very messy. But end it did. And I found myself surprised at how impacted I was that my family of origin was no longer intact. No more summer trips home to spend with family, no more holiday celebrations, no mom and dad. I pondered how the future would look. How would we navigate birthdays, graduations, weddings and births trying to bridge the chasm that lay between them? That, my friends, turned out to not be a problem. In the past 25 years, my parents have never been in the same room together.

You would think that as an adult, with my own family, that this would not be such a big deal. But, I don’t care how old you are, or what the issues were, it is heartbreaking when your family is irretrievably broken. You now have no ‘home’ to go home to, you have to tell every story two times….you always need to send out two invitations and you need to navigate two completely different relationships. Add on the fact that they lived in different states on different sides of the country, you plan two different vacations in order to visit with them.

There is no ‘my mom and dad’….just ‘my mom’…..and…..’my dad’.
But, Friday afternoon, at 12:30, for the first time in 25 years, I had lunch with my ‘mom and dad’. I moved my mom here last year from Arizona. My dad was in visiting from Florida. I had talked to my dad about seeing my mom when he was here in York. He was open. I wasn’t sure until Friday whether or not my mom was coming. On top of how emotionally loaded this situation was she had hurt her knee pretty badly and was having great difficulty walking. She had the perfect excuse for not coming…but she did.

We had a lovely lunch, no wait… they had a lovely lunch, reminiscing and laughing. They talked about their life together – which I must admit, I had not thought about for years. Healing was happening right before my eyes. It was time of each of them seeing things through the others’ eyes, a time to lay down the weapons of words and the need to be right…a time of an unspoken “I am sorry” and “I forgive you”. Those words did not need to be said – the very act of showing up, breaking bread and having grace-filled conversation expressed sorrow, regret, forgiveness and the hope of moving forward.

To my parents – thank you for allowing me to witness the beauty of opening yourselves to healing, to restoration and to a new beginning. You have just given me the single best gift I could have ever been given…the restoration of my family, no matter where we live.

Hey – guess what I did Friday? I had lunch with my mom and dad. Praise God.
Grace and peace,
Deb

gratitude

On your feet now—applaud GOD! Bring a gift of laughter,
sing yourselves into his presence.

Know this: GOD is God, and God, GOD.
He made us; we didn't make him.
We're his people, his well-tended sheep.

Enter with the password: "Thank you!"
Make yourselves at home, talking praise.
Thank him. Worship him.

For GOD is sheer beauty,
all-generous in love,
loyal always and ever.

Psalm 100

I invite you to begin this new day with gratitude to God for His love for you.

Grace and Peace,
Deb

reflect

I have been having some conversations lately about how women uniquely reflect the image of God. Can you even imagine that? You are an image bearer of God. Everyone you come in contact with has an opportunity to see God’s glory in you…if you are allowing it to shine through and if they are looking for it.

Do you look for the reflection of God in others? I know I usually don’t. How much have I missed because I wasn’t consciously looking for it?

One of the challenges given to me this week is to think of several women in my life and ponder what part of God is reflected through them to me. I invite you to think of one or two women in your life. What part of God do they show you when you are with them? Take it one step further…consider sharing your thoughts with them. They may not even be aware of what, in them, speaks of God to others and it may be an incredible encouragement.

Grace and Peace,
Deb

photo by modezero http://www.flickr.com/photos/modezero/3997685118/

gift

“Life is full of beauty. Notice it. Notice the bumble bee, the small child, and the smiling faces. Smell the rain, and feel the wind. Live your life to the fullest potential, and fight for your dreams.”
Ashley Smith

Awareness. It is a simple, but incredible gift. But it is the gift I always need to remind myself to open or it can sit on the shelf. If I don’t constantly remind myself to pay attention to all that is around me, I will miss it. I will just see it as old, ordinary life when it is anything but.

All of life is brimming with God. I just need to open my eyes and see it …lift the veil on my heart to become more present to the beauty that surrounds me….and speaks to me of God.

Take time today to notice the beauty. Open the gift.

Grace and Peace,
Deb

photo by weddingmusings http://www.flickr.com/photos/27812617@N07/2624939943/

rest, sweet rest

And so, let me let you hold me
when I have come to the place
beyond the willingness to labor,
beyond anything but the longing for rest.
Let my emptiness be emptiness
till it reveals to me your face
and let my weariness be weariness
till it prompts me to your rest.
Then may I know the healing of the possibility
of dreams and take up my work again.

Jan Richardson

new life experiences i wished i never had

Journal Entry, Friday, September 09, 2011

Today, I look back over this week. I am exhausted just thinking about it. A trip to the attorney’s office to go to the courthouse and be sworn in as the executrix of my mom’s estate. I wish I didn’t have this job. Over and over again, I have to tell people she is dead and show them proof – even Comcast wanted a copy of the death certificate! Really??

The same day, I had to the funeral home and sign some papers…and pick up her remains. A good friend of mine is the funeral director. It was pouring outside ( we were in the middle of a major storm) and he put the box in a plastic bag so the box wouldn’t get wet. I must have looked pitiful because he offer to carry it to the car for me. I told him I could handle it and he handed me the box. It was much heavier than I thought it would be. How much can ashes weigh? I got out to the car and a few minutes later while waiting in traffic I looked in the bag…”The Cremated Remains of Suzanne E. Fondessy”. This is what is left of my mom.

Today I went to the bank to close her accounts and get a check to be able to open the estate account. They needed a Short Certificate (all the terms that I didn’t know three weeks ago). I had the Short certificate (one of the papers you get when you are sworn in). Then she said, “We also need a death certificate.” How do they think I got the Short Certificate? I was cordial but got to the car and lost it. Frustration seems to meet me at every corner. As I drone home to get yet another death certificate, I even considered taking the box back to the bank and ask them if that was enough proof that she gone.

Lord…thank you for giving me the grace for each day – to continue to learn how to live in the tension of grief and the beauty of life. How would I EVER be able to walk this without You….

Deb

photo by tessa maurer photography http://www.flickr.com/search/?w=all&q=grief&m=text

path to God

Help me, O God,
To treasure all the words in the Scriptures,
but to treasure them only as they lead to You.
May the words be stepping stones in finding You,
and if I am to get lost at all in the search,
may it not be down a theological rabbit trail,
or in some briar patch of religious controversy.

If I am to get lost at all,
grant that it be in Your arms.
Help me to love You the way Mary did.
And may something of the spilling passion of her devotion, spill onto me.

Ken Gire


May you spend some time today reflecting on the love that spills from the Father onto you.

Grace and Peace,
Deb

longings

Do you have those things that lie deep inside you that you desire? Longings? Are they so strong sometimes that you feel them physically? Do you push them down, afraid to admit them to yourself let alone to someone else?

Several years ago, I heard a Catholic sister tell this story:


She wanted to become a nun but she wasn’t sure that was God’s will or hers. She said that she had a dream. She knew that in this dream, she was seeking wise counsel to help her make this decision. During the course of the dream she saw three people who she considered to be wise but for some reason, she didn’t present her dilemma to them. She then saw a little boy and felt compelled to ask him what to do. She said “Should I be a sister?” He looked at her, thought for a moment and said “ Well...do you wanna?”

She knew at that moment, that her deepest longing was placed in her by God. Why do we, so many times, think that if it's something we desire, it can’t possibly be of God? We tend to think that if he wants us to do it, we will find it difficult or distasteful. The answer contained in the dream speaks of the beautiful simplicity of God and how complicated we often want to make things.

Of course we want to be wise and make sure that our desires are in line with the Word, and with what we know about God’s character. But how comforting is it to think that the deepest desires of our heart are, most likely, placed there by God and he may be waiting for us to move into them?

I invite you to take time today and write down, on paper, some of your deepest desires. Don’t be afraid to name them and then offer them up to God and ask him to show you what the next step may be. Just acknowledging that they are there is a huge first step.

Grace and peace,
Deb

photo by series60nokia http://www.flickr.com/photos/46298413@N08/6111945926/

trust

St Ignatius of Loyola notes that sin is unwillingness to trust that what God wants is our deepest happiness. Until I am absolutely convinced of this I will do everything I can to keep my hands on the controls of my life, because I think I know better than God what I need for my fulfillment.

David Benner


Wow….that says a lot to me. Unfortunately, it’s true. Anytime I can think of where I have ‘done it my way’, it is because I don’t fully trust God to do it ‘right.’ Of course I will give him lip service….I’ll say I trust him but one needs look no further than my latest manipulation of things to see that I doubt. I don’t doubt his ability to do it…just that he would do it for me….or that he will do in time (that would be my timetable of course!).

I may seem like I am being hard on myself. And, I have seen improvements. But I know the depth of the shadows in my heart. I know what I am capable of. I know that it is only because of God’s intervention in my life that I am able to yield to him and slowly learn to trust.

This trust is something I want to know deep down in my soul…not just in my head. I want to trust him with everything, not just the things that are easy or convenient. Thankfully, God is very patient with me and knows that I want to trust completely in him.

Where are you in your journey of trusting God? Are you like me, taking things into your own hands when you think he won’t come through for you or you think he is not working fast enough? I invite you to reflect on your level of trust with God and consider, if, like me, you need to become more aware of how much he loves you, of how much he wants your deepest happiness and then, perhaps, you can allow him to have more and more of the control.

Grace and Peace,
Deb

Photo by jaki good http://www.flickr.com/photos/jakig/2047616146/

the ocean

Ok…now to my ‘mud pies’. What do I settle for?

Small love….I don’t love as fully I could. Fear of rejection, getting hurt, being left….all keep me from loving fully. I allow these fears to keep me playing in the mud pie of inadequately loving.

Little trust…if I truly trusted I would never fear what tomorrow might bring. But I am concerned, at times, about the future. I know, intellectually, that God holds the future but I often live as if I don’t.

Playing it small…if I truly believed that God loved me and speaks clearly to me, I would run to what it is I feel he has called me to. But I move into it hesitantly, afraid it won’t happen instead of walking fully into it.

Sleepwalking….the beauty of God is all around me but most of the time I sleepwalk through it, settling for an occasional glimpse instead of being intentional about looking for it.

Busyness…I fool myself by thinking my ‘busyness’ measures my impact. God cares about people not tasks…relationships not projects.

Talking….I sit in the mud pie of talking when God has an ocean of listening that would be much more enriching to me.

Risk….I’ve gotten a bit better at this over the years, conquering, with God’s help, a fear of flying, which enabled me to travel all over the world, even alone at times. But, I still live life on the safe side. I want to live a life of adventure.


Fear of death…I am so tied to this life that I fear leaving it. I truly am playing in the mud pie when the beautiful, immense ocean of heaven is right on the other side.

I think you get the idea. I often live my life making mud pies because I can’t envision what being at the seaside would be like. What are your mud pies? I encourage you to take some time today to think about this…what keeps you from seeing the extravagant life God meant for you to have??

Lord, let me always be looking on the horizon for the ocean and let me run to it.

Grace and Peace,
Deb

mud pies

Indeed if we consider the unblushing promise of reward and the staggering nature of the rewards promised in the Gospels, it would seem that our Lord finds our desires not too strong, but too weak. We are half-hearted creatures like an ignorant child who wants to go on making mud pies in a slum because he cannot imagine what is meant by the offer of a holiday at the sea. We are far too easily pleased."

C.S. Lewis


I invite you to take some time today and sit with this quote. Where are the places in your life where you have become content playing with mud pies because you are unable to imagine the ocean that awaits you? What have you settled for?

Tomorrow I will share some of my mud pies.

Grace and Peace,
Deb

Photo by Light Walker http://www.flickr.com/photos/83096861@N00/131053160/

art

“Art can warm even a chilled and sunless soul to an exalted spiritual experience. Through art, we occasionally receive – indistinctly, briefly – revelations the likes of which cannot be achieved by rational thought.

It is like the small mirror of legend, you look into it but instead of yourself, you glimpse for a moment, the Inaccessible, a realm forever beyond reach. And your soul begins to ache.”

Aleksandr Solzhenitsyn

Art can move us beyond what we can see, hear or touch with our normal human senses. It can truly give us a glimpse into beauty which is close to God’s heart.

Delight today in a piece of art and allow it to move you into a place of beauty.

Grace and peace,
Deb